Retro Appetizer! (2008-2010)

Here is a bunch of short blog post, in their original format, under their original pen names and everything I did in that era, which were not articles, but with more to come.

John Edwards Cheats

“Cats and dog’s living together, mass hysteria”-Bill Maury “Ghostbusters”

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/08/08/edwards.affair/index.html

You mean, under that very expensive hair cut, John Edwards is *GASP!* HUMAN! Oh my God! What is the world coming to when a human being makes a mistake and does something that goes along with their carnal nature? *shock, horror*

Who would have thought that a human being was anything short of infallible? Clearly not those who are reading this story on Edwards.

There is no way he could possibly, ever run a country now because he cheated on his wife.

Oh, woe is he who would vote for a man on his credentials on running a country and not on his sex life. Edwards should never run for president ever in the near future, because this is simply too much to bare. it warps my entire worlds view.

Anyone willing to discount a person from being president based on his personal life, especially after they elected a Jesus freak, ex coke head to office, needs to be shot.

Man Has Kid
Just because you changed your sex to become a man, does not make your pregnancy a “miracle”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23942218/

A woman who had a sex change 10 years ago to become is now “pregnant”.

News flash! Getting a sex change, but keeping the female reproductive system you where born with, cause you were a woman to begin with, doesn’t count.

Sadly, idiots like to feed into a person like this who is just looking for attention and publicity. In a different article she was even quoted, I believe, as saying that she liked the fact this would generate controversy and mess with taboo’s.

I don’t think we should even consider this news worthy to begin with.

Show me a Man who was actually born a man, and who can get pregnant and I will show you a true miracle. Til then, file this under “Retarded attention whores”

Change?
America needs to stop deluding itself that is has made Change. Fact is, America has not made change and probably will not make real change for a long, long time. Sure people will say But we elected a black man to the highest office in our nation Yet we are so quickly ready to forget that Obama is half white. What does that speak of about our country? That we will elect someone, but only if he is half white? What if Obama was totally black, would our nation still have elected him, or would we have snubbed him based on race? What if Obama was totally white? Would he still have clinched his parties nomination?

How can we pride ourselves on making Change when in the same night, a state, who voted overwhelmingly to elect a man who is half black to our nations highest office, also voted against gay marriage in the same night?

America: We want change, but not THAT much change.

CUNT OF THE YEAR AWARDS
Well, who could possibly be the biggest cunt of 2009 before it is even over?

Daniel Petric, 17 of Ohio. This piece of shit killed his mother and his father, while they were in bed, then tried to make it look like a murder suicide and pin it on his father, all because they took his Halo game away from him. Oh, cry me a river fuck face.

They gave the little shit 23 years to life with parole. They say it isn’t fully his fault, because he was young and the video game influenced him.

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!!

This video game made him do it shit is fucking lame as hell. That is just as bad as saying the Devil made you do it. You have no one to blame but yourself, fuck face! Stop scapegoating shit and own up and take fucking responsibility.

They should of gave you LIFE, if not killed you. You are so fucking Ohio didn’t give you the death penalty, if they even have it.

I hope you enjoy taking black dick for 23 years, because you are going to be filled out like an application.

I also hope every night before you go to bed, you see your mothers face and you are haunted for the rest of your fucking life.

“At the trial, Mark Petric testified that his son came into the room and asked his parents: “Would you guys close your eyes? I have a surprise for you.”
The father testified that he expected a pleasant surprise. Then his head went numb from a gunshot.”-THOMAS J. SHEERAN Yahoo News

Article on the douche bag

EDIT: We have a two way tie for biggest cunt of 2009;Tyler Weinman, ladies and gentleman, the “alleged” Florida cat killer. fuck you, too, you stupid cunt!

Calling a spade a spade

What the hell is up with the term “Sex offender”? It is so broad and vague. Is a sex offender someone who offends the opposite sex?

Why can’t we just toss political correctness to the side and call a spade a spade?

Lets call a child molester what he is, a fucking child molester. No special names for what they are. Same goes for pedophiles, rapist, dog fuckers and other people that end up on the “offender” list.

Don’t vague it up in an attempt to hide what these people did and give them some semblance of a normal life.

Do we call Serial Killers “Multiple life removers”? No, we don’t. Why cut corners here?

The term sex offender is also a form of scare tactics on suburban life. When you distribute fliers about how a “sex offender” lives next door to you, you are inciting fear in everyone nearby, because they jump to the conclusion that a “sex offender” is automatically a child molester.

Why should Holly house wife have to live in fear,–which passes onto her kids, because kids can feel their parents fear–when you can just straight shoot with us?

I’m not going to worry if Joe Dog Rapist is living 20 feet from a school zone. I do care when Ron Pedophile/Child rapist is, though.

Sure we can just look the person up on the list and see how he offended…but if we can find that out anyways, why not just tell us?

In fact, I think that all “sex offenders” should legally be forced to change there last name to reflect there crimes so there is no mistake about who they are and what they did.

Lets see Ron Pedophile hide from his crimes now.

Letter to the Editor

What happened to a time when people who committed the crimes where responsible for what they did? It appears those times are gone, as the local 7-11 is trying to stop things before they even happen, in an attempt to thwart some crimes.

See, if you are a certain age or below you get carded for cigarettes, and I am all for being carded; keeping minors from buying cigarettes/alcohol is a good thing, but potentially stopping me from making a purchase because I have someone with me who may or may not be a minor is just plain idiocy.

I am an individual, and what I do has nothing to do with anyone but me. You cannot assume I am going to commit a crime before I am even out the door, and if I do commit a crime once I am outside, then the responsibility goes to me and me alone.

It is not 7-11’s job to make judgment calls about what might happen.

If we’re going to start trying to predict crimes, why don’t they stop selling alcohol to anyone to drives to 7-11 with a car? After all, each person who buys alcohol and then gets into their car could be a drunk driver with the ability to harm others, could they not? Might as well go the full nine yards with this one, right?

Does 7-11 also extend this policy of double carding to parents who purchase tobacco or booze in the presence of their children? After all, children are most likely to get tobacco or alcohol from their parents than any other source around. Ask someone who started smoking or drinking at a young age and I bet you are most are apt to find that they were getting it from a parent’s stash as opposed to getting some stranger to buy them alcohol or tobacco. (To answer my own question posed above, 7-11 does not double card parents who are with their children. My mother was able to purchase alcohol and we were told only one of us need be carded and it didn’t matter which.)

The irony to this story is that while 7-11 is hassling young people in a vain attempt at stopping crime, they are also one of the biggest perpetrators of another crime, the use of Marijuana. They guise their sale of “Blunt wraps” under the cover of tobacco use only, but unlike the water pipe that has tobacco use roots in the Middle East and traditional Zig-Zag rolling papers which are used for roll your own cigarettes, blunt wraps are clearly meant for rolling weed in. Some come with names that are associated with Marijuana or carry pictures of popular hip-hop stars that are known to have smoked the illegal substance.

What pillars of the community, uh?

-William

Sex for Dummies?
Right, so what is the dumbest “for Dummies” book one could think of? If you said “Nuclear bomb buliding for dummies” well, you’re prob right. What is the second dumbest? “Sex for dummies” (Yes, this book is real) Honestly, how stupid does one have to be to read this book? What the fuck would it even look like anyways?

Chapter one:
Remove your clothes (Socks optional)

Chapter two:
Wrong hole dummy, aim higher

Chapter three:
The Promised land

Chapter four:
PULL OUT! PULL OUT!

Chapter five:
Oops! Where to find the morning after pill

Chapter six:
She wasn’t laughing at you…ok, maybe she was.

Chapter seven:
Don’t panic, that’s why we have penicillin.

Chapter eight:
Condoms. (Maybe we should have put this chapter in front of the book)

Chapter nine:
She told me she was eighteen. (and a 101 other excuses)

Chapter 10
Other things you could have bought besides this book.

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