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Kagegiving: First we Feast, Hot Ones Pringles Review

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INTRODUCTION: Everyone knows the show with Hot questions and even hotter wings, although I presume it’s the sauce that’s actually hot and the wings are mildly warm at best. So they did a collaboration with Pringles. Now, if you ever tried any of the normal hot flavors of Pringles you know they’re pretty much shit, both in flavor and heat. The original Pringles, which taste like the original McDonalds fries before the 90s change and sour cream and onion are the best flavors, but I digress. So did Sean sell out and fuck us all over just to make a buck or does this stuff bring the heat?

VISUALS: They look like basic white girl Pringles, but green with envy, like your basic Starbucks employee.

SCENT: Nothing to write home about. Don’t smell like heat or pepper.

TASTE: They have a unique flavor, something I’m unfamiliar with with Pringles and hot sauce, but boy is it good. Tangy, sweet, zesty. Hard to peg down specifics of the taste.

HEAT: So, for something that’s a verde, you expect barely any, right? Oh hell no! It isn’t even close to the hottest thing I have eaten, but good god damn does it bring the heat. a product that promises and delivers. Holy shit! If this is a green, I would hate to see how the red one is. If you’re new to spice, you are going to want a glass of milk. If you’re used to hotter stuff like I am, you might still need a glass of milk.

CONCLUSION: So it’s a tradition around here to ask if this is something to be thankful for and well, I stopped writing my review to finish the can and have a second one ready to go, whilst awaiting Thanksgiving dinner. I think that says a lot right there. If you can find it, go out and buy it and if Pringles doesn’t make these permanent, well, I will personally rip of Mr. Pringles mustache myself.

5 out of 5 stars.

Writing

Kagegiving: Blue Diamond Carolina Reaper Almonds

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INTRODUCTION: In my ever growing quest for hot products, we find ourselves at yet another reaper based item and boy is this gonna be fun.

Smell: Good. Almond scent is faint, but you can tell real pepper was used to create this. Sadly, it doesn’t smell like reaper either.

VISUAL: Nice looking. Orange to reddish hue, covered in a nice dust of pepper.

TASTE: A lot like Andy Caps hot fries. Kinda makes a squeaky noise when chewed. Soft texture, like most almonds.

HEAT: Well, it’s not Reaper heat. I know because I have a bottle of dehydrated ones in my room, of which I have eaten two. Sadly, I was drunk when I did it, so to make them hotter, putting them on a slice of pizza. Not bad, but I don’t recall it being overly horrible. This doesn’t come close to reaper. It’s another faux reaper product. For someone who is new, will it be a significant burn? Well, my sister tried one and commented that it has a good burn, but it was tolerable. My sister doesn’t eat spicy food at the level I do, so let that sink in. She has barely tried anything hotter than a jalapeño. In other words, it is mostly bullshit.

CONCLUSION: This product is for casuals that want to boast they tried a reaper product, but without the pain of a real reaper based product. Those of us in the know will get a slight tingling and a decent flavor but not much else. I tried their ghost pepper ones as well and thought those were BS as well. So I should of known better, but atlas, I did not. For KAGEMAS I should review beer, because at least I would get a buzz, instead of weak ass, fronting almonds. The serving size says 28 almonds, so right there should of been the dead give away that it wasn’t good. I ate 40 of them last night and well, unlike tomorrows review, these didn’t even hurt on the way out. So are they something to be thankful for? Clearly not.

2.5 out of 5

Writing

Kagegiving:The Glencarian Glass

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Introduction: So this is my first time reviewing a glass. Never have I done so. The closest I have ever gotten was reviewing the fact I think milk is at its peak in a pint glass, but that was as a child and I mentioned it to my family. This is my first formal review. So a lot has been said in regards to cups in helping with beer. I normally drink from the bottle, rarely a cup, when so I have beer. At first I wanted to be skeptical of such, but the logic made sense. Taste is deeply tied to olfactory sensation, so the more you get to the nose, the more taste you can discern.

Design: bigger than expected. Feels sturdy. Cute as opposed to macho, which I suppose is the complete antithesis of what one envisions when thinking of a whiskey drinker.

Dram one: I have a very uncouth personal pallet. I love JD, and Budweiser. So the I christened it with JD. I noticed it cuts the JD burn down, but it taste very muted in flavor and feels more like water going down. I like that, but I want to make sure it wasn’t just my boorish taste in undetectable ambrosia so I had a slightly more upscale dram.

Dram 2: I choose you, Makers Mark! Yes, I could taste all the flavors of makers, but no more than that of any cup I have had it in, barring one, which is a slight bit of peatiness that is more concentrated in an Ezra Brooks or Knob Creek.

Price: Price is too high for what this is. It was made for a Buck and cost $16 USD. Most I ever paid for a cup and probably my last, except for say, a tankard.

Conclusion: I intend to more research, and by that using it as an excuse to be a major fuckin lush./sarcasm. That said, I do not see much value in such a cup such as this and the ramifications that it ultimately holds for us puseudo connoisseurs. If you like pretentious innuendo of looking like the upscale snob that writes for the Atlantic instead of the unrefined human that I tend to be, then rush out and buy a 100. It offers little to me except taking down the burn of whiskey, but I occasionally like that feeling. I thought I was getting buddy Jesus from Dogma and ended up with shitty normal Jesus, instead.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Kagegiving, Reviews, Writing

Kagegiving: CreepShow on Shudder.

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INTRODUCTION: Tales from the Crypt is a very old comic, but a classic comic line. Back in the day, these EC rated comics were said to warp the mind of the baby boomer kids’ reading such filth. I’ve read reprints and it was fun. In 1989, HBO brought a show to the television, with John Kassier voicing the aptly name Cryptkeeper. It’s was a hit and spawned two flicks and a Saturday morning cartoon show in the 90’s. Unbeknownst to me back then, in 1982, Stephen King and George Romero created a similar thing, called Creepshow. It was inspired by those old comics. I didn’t know Creepshow existed until I was in my early 20’s. Weird, given I had seen a massive amount of 80’s and 90’s horror. I still haven’t seen the two flicks, but I did enjoy Tales from the Crypt and the idea of an inspired by version intrigued me enough to give this series a go.

EPISODES:

ONE
This is a very weak start, the acting is phoned in, and even Tobin Bell isn’t at his best. He is more reminiscent of his 90’s TV acting, he just doesn’t seem like he wants to be here and these things are beneath him. I can’t blame the guy, feature films pay better and you become more notable. That is a necessity to becoming a serious actor in this world. Don’t forget, after the success of the Saw flicks, it’s not like he needs the work. His legacy is set for life as well. Roles like this could only diminish it. My interjected and unsolicited opinion on Tobin Bell’s acting career aside, it is very weak. None of the characters are very well developed, it is based on a Stephen King short story which only makes this worse, because it could have been so much more. The pacing of the story is all wrong and the ending feels unresolved, which is a running theme in this series.

The second part of this one is stronger than the first outing. The young girl acts circles around the adults and the character is wicked smart. Way smarter than your average 8 year old, figuring things out quite quickly. Sadly, the story is underdeveloped and feels 100% unresolved. The conclusion was weak and lacks what was needed to make us feel like there was something at stake. This isn’t a good start to this series.

TWO
Ok, this one sounds interesting, even though it is a rip off or homage to Rob Zombie’s trailer in Grindhouse. The characters are weakly developed, the plot as well. Interesting, albeit cheap FX and over all, not as good as it could be. Still, it improves over the first episode.

Episode two seems similarly reminiscent to the old monkey paw story, which you see foreshadowed throughout the series in the ads on the comic breaks. This one is meta as all hell and I found myself enjoying it, but still, I wanted more to the story and the obvious and cliché ending was shit. This should have been developed more and given the 44 minutes of the show. It would have been worth it.

THREE
This one is a very cool, but predictable concept. I really liked it, but again, it falls victim to too short of a time frame to develop the story more and give us sympathy for the characters. Obvious ending became obvious by the muffin scene and well, it did satisfy my appetite. For those of you that hate “forced” diversity, you’ll probably trigger over not just a black dude hanging out with white people, but the fact he is Satan. Your screams of “but muh forced diversity” will be worth listening to when you also trigger over the second part.

This is one cool fucking concept, because not a lot of American produced horror is inspired by the 1001 Arabian nights. If you’re unfamiliar with Arabic folklore, then you probably would not appreciate this one as much, but it is nice to see someone actually read these short stories and kept in line with its tone. Very cool! Still though, weak developed of the stories is plaguing this series, along with characters that need more development.

FOUR
The first story is meh and the second story is even worse. See the above for the same exact criticisms. Not worth extrapolating on.

FIVE
This episode should have been longer and Bruce Davidson is the strongest actor in this whole season and worthwhile, it is too bad his young co-star looks so much worse in comparison. The story is too short, but still a very interesting take on the Monkey’s Paw story and well worth watching.
The second “story” if you can call it that is cool concept, but feels like a deleted scene from a movie. Most of the backstory has to be told via exposition and it just isn’t worth it. They really phoned it in here and it is a worthless time to have paid David Arquette the money to even bother, when he could have been in something much better.

SIX
The first story could have been a movie and would have been great social commentary on people and their desire to talk the easy way out. Sadly, it wasn’t, but despite the misgivings of this episode, it was fun.
They end the season with a story based on a Joe Hill short. This was a very cool play on the old lochness monster myths, dipped with a little too much daddy issue subtext. One has to wonder if this wasn’t about Stephen King’s time as a blow junkie, figuratively chasing after monsters during this time period, as opposed to spending time with his children and in many in interview, King as mentioned his own version of various subtext. This probably has the best looking effect, short of The Finger, but still was mediocre, given the lack of development of story, characters and terrible pacing.

CONCLUSION:
This series has a running pattern of flaws, from underdeveloped characters to terrible pacing and lack of story or suspense build. It’s on Shudder, so I am willing to deal with the FX not being the best, especially because some of them are meant to be homages to past films. The episode with the Scarecrow comes to mind as it uses 80s stop motion as an homage to The Evil Dead. There are various other Easter eggs to movies and horror tv shows for Boomers, Gen X and Millennial and those are appreciated, but I need more than Easter eggs to get me to commit to this series for another season. I mean, some of the comic breaks are clearly inspired by the old 90’s Tales from the Crypt. All Hallow’s Eve brings up 70’s Dungeons and Dragons, but uses modern miniatures, which is weird and out of place. If season two can fix the plaguing flaws of season one, this might be a real game changer, but as of right now, my plans are to skip this, it isn’t really worth the time.

2 ½ out of 5.

Kagegiving, Reviews, Writing

Kagegiving: Jurassic Park by Micheal Crichton.

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INTRODUCTION: I loved Jurassic Park when I was a child. I first read the novel in the third grade, a few years after the movie had come out and I recall enjoying it. I later read The Lost World around the same time the movie came out. This wasn’t the only book of Mike’s that I read and enjoyed a lot of his work. So does it hold up? We shall see!

SYNOPSIS:
A group of people come to an island by one of their private investors and find out the world is filled with dinos. Then chaos ensues, because, chaos theory!

CHARACTERS:
There are a lot of differences from the characters in the movie, vs the book. Ian Malcom is more interesting in the novel than the movie. Grant likes kids here, and the ages of Tim and Lex are reversed. Jon Hammond is a douchnozzle and Nerdy is a thin hacker punk. In some ways, this is better than the movie and in other ways, it ruins it.

PROSE: Not good at all! The only bonus is that the accent is quite frenetic until you get into the middle where it bogs down and drags.

DIALOGUE: Very good!

SUBTEXT: Science is not to be trifled with and we shouldn’t be playing God.

CONCLUSION:
This book wasn’t as great as it was as a kid, but what it lacks in prose, it makes up for as one fuckin hell of a story, so it is worthwhile. If you saw the movie first, it is probably a tad bit of a downer and the science is mediocre for a dude who had a biology degree. I can see why he became a writer. Regardless, I think the biggest take away from this novel is the fact that Jon Hammond intentionally sabotaged the park. If you know anything about the MBTI, you know some ENTP’s like to intentionally cause problems so they can solve them and I think this is one of those cases. Hammond was recklessly negligent and risked his team, along with his grandchild. In this movie, he isn’t very family friendly and is a downright Scrooge, just out to make a buck. It is only fitting that Hammond, who lived by the dino also dies by the dino. Fuck this version of Jon Hammond. So is this something to be thankful for? I defer to Grant in the movie that I wouldn’t endorse this book, but it isn’t the worst novel that I ever read.

3 out of 5.

Kagegiving, Reviews, Writing

Kagegiving:The Time Machine by H.G. Wells

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INTRODUCTION: H.G. Wells The Time Machine is one of those classic novels that is always on some list as a “Must read”. I read it as a child and really enjoyed it, but I decided to give it a refresh and see if it was really worthwhile in this modern age.

SYNOPSIS:
It’s the 1800’s and a man creates a time machine, so this novel is steampunk and sci-fi.

PROSE:
Prose isn’t as great as I remembered it. It has its moments but it really falls short, especially in comparison to other books of its time frame. I know it was a normal thing back then to not include faces in Gothic horror novels and while this isn’t gothic horror, he doesn’t really give us anything but a description that is barley sufficient for a police sketch artist.

CHARACTERS:
The characters all fall flat. Wells couldn’t be bothered to even give them names, nor really develop them at all. They’re all just kind of there and the one Eloi that is mentioned in detail, also happens to be childlike by Wells’ own description.

DIALOGUE: Fantastic and about all that is really worthwhile about this book.

SUBTEXT: In today’s day and age, it is indubitably about the left (Eloi) vs the Right (Morlock) and is more relevant through a Trump American than it was when it was first published.

CONCLUSION:
I was hoping this book would hold up in my adult years as I fondly remember it, but it just doesn’t hold up to snuff. It is boring, but thankfully it is such a short read that would could let your child enjoy it and they would at least pick up some good vocabulary. Besides not being that good, it boarder lines the pedophiliac in nature, which, given Lewis Carroll among others, wouldn’t of been outside the realm of normal. I mean, an adult man who intended to kidnap a female Eloi and bring her back to his time and has the demeanor of a child? Come the fuck on, it doesn’t get more pedophilic than that! I don’t think I am reading too much into that at all and sadly, it is something that is never discussed about this book. Even worse, she is more developed in terms of looks than anyone, which is ironic, given the near age of the child would make her extremely underdeveloped. Sure, you could be pollyannaish and think he just wanted to be a dad, but why steal the Eloi? Really fucked up shit that I am shocked no one picked up on, until now. I am shocked I missed that as a child, but regardless, the only thing this book really has going for it is the discussion about the two distinct races, which, in today’s day and age, which more relevant than ever, as it seems like Wells was quite prescient about the potential for two diverges on the races and one look at the divide of this country, left and right, it is hard to not see the Left as Eloi and the Right as Morlock. The majority of Trump supporters are classic blue collar labors, whom sole reason for Trump is that he somehow understands them and wants to bring back these shitty industries, like coal. They feel unheard by the Eloi or Elites as they call them and that is a sad thing, because not only do they lack a sense of irony when they toss such piffle out, but they’re mal-adaptable malcontents. Which, while I can sympathize with the malcontent part, the anti-intellectualism aspect is a horrible way to live. So in that regard, this book is fantastic, but the rest of it is just plain lousy that one has to wonder why the fuck it is a classic.

2 ½ out 5.