All posts by Kage

New Years Kage: Crown Royal Review

INTRODUCTION: So I figured every year in this slot, I might review the year, but that’s pretty trite. I might feature a end year reflection. So since I am unsure about what to do, for now, we’re going to just review Crown Royal.

CUP: Glen Carrian

COLOR: Copper to Amber-ish

SCENT: Sweet, low ethanol smell. Hint of grass.

FLAVOR: Damn, this stuff is peti in this glass. I like the stuff, but in here it is disgusting. At least the second sip was sweet. Thin and watery.

Water Soluble: Yes, but makes the flavor mono dimensional.

BURN: Not in this cup.

CONCLUSION: Normally I enjoy Crown, not as much as Jack Danniels, but it was a good splurge. This cup shows how horrible it is. Rubbish at too high a cost. It’s a prostitute pretending to be a escort.

2 out of 5

KAGEMAS: Ezra Brooks

Introduction: So I pretty much fucked up Kagemas this year, given that I drank two bottles of whiskey that I planned to review, but forgot to check my notes before drinking them and realized that I reviewed the other two bottles in my notebook. Always check your notes before drinking. Anyways, I’m adding a new segment on the 31st anyways. Kage Years eve! Super fuckin original, uh? So onward with the review.

Glass: Glen Cairn

Scent: Mostly sweet on the nose with the lower tier whiskey ethanol scent in the background.

Flavor: kind of sour, peaty, earthy. Yet seems very one dimensional. Thin, watery. The glass cuts down the burn very well.

Water Soluble: No. water did unlock any new flavors.

Conclusion: This isn’t award winning in my mind, but since I spent all day making Christmas dinner, if I had a bottle of this around tonight, I would drink it. It’s a take shots only type of whiskey. Keep this in mind and you will like it.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

KAGEMAS: Knob Creek review.

INTRODUCTION: So I wanted to review this several years ago. Didn’t do it because I wanted to wait to get a Glen Carian glass to see, what, if anything the cup added. I reviewed the cup in Nov of 2022, so look that up. Here is the review of a whiskey with a great nickname for a vagina.

Cup: Glen Cairn, winner of the most prestigious pretension award.

Flavor: Earthy, pettiness, sweet. Kind of thin and watery in mouth feel. Could of sworn I picked up a hint of Rose. Yes, the flower, not the wine.

Water Soluble: yes, but makes the drink mono dimensional, just sweet. Neither the cup, nor the water alleviate the ethanol burn.

Verdict: I like the name as a synonym for vagina, more than I like the whiskey itself. If this tasted like vagina, I would of rated it higher, but then again, this is probably the equivalent of street cornor horror story pussy, so… objectively, it’s not the most foul of drinks I ever had, recall I genuinely enjoy Budweiser unironically, so let that sink it as you decide if this booze is for you.

2 1/2 out of 5

Kagegiving: First we Feast, Hot Ones Pringles Review

INTRODUCTION: Everyone knows the show with Hot questions and even hotter wings, although I presume it’s the sauce that’s actually hot and the wings are mildly warm at best. So they did a collaboration with Pringles. Now, if you ever tried any of the normal hot flavors of Pringles you know they’re pretty much shit, both in flavor and heat. The original Pringles, which taste like the original McDonalds fries before the 90s change and sour cream and onion are the best flavors, but I digress. So did Sean sell out and fuck us all over just to make a buck or does this stuff bring the heat?

VISUALS: They look like basic white girl Pringles, but green with envy, like your basic Starbucks employee.

SCENT: Nothing to write home about. Don’t smell like heat or pepper.

TASTE: They have a unique flavor, something I’m unfamiliar with with Pringles and hot sauce, but boy is it good. Tangy, sweet, zesty. Hard to peg down specifics of the taste.

HEAT: So, for something that’s a verde, you expect barely any, right? Oh hell no! It isn’t even close to the hottest thing I have eaten, but good god damn does it bring the heat. a product that promises and delivers. Holy shit! If this is a green, I would hate to see how the red one is. If you’re new to spice, you are going to want a glass of milk. If you’re used to hotter stuff like I am, you might still need a glass of milk.

CONCLUSION: So it’s a tradition around here to ask if this is something to be thankful for and well, I stopped writing my review to finish the can and have a second one ready to go, whilst awaiting Thanksgiving dinner. I think that says a lot right there. If you can find it, go out and buy it and if Pringles doesn’t make these permanent, well, I will personally rip of Mr. Pringles mustache myself.

5 out of 5 stars.

Kagegiving: Blue Diamond Carolina Reaper Almonds

INTRODUCTION: In my ever growing quest for hot products, we find ourselves at yet another reaper based item and boy is this gonna be fun.

Smell: Good. Almond scent is faint, but you can tell real pepper was used to create this. Sadly, it doesn’t smell like reaper either.

VISUAL: Nice looking. Orange to reddish hue, covered in a nice dust of pepper.

TASTE: A lot like Andy Caps hot fries. Kinda makes a squeaky noise when chewed. Soft texture, like most almonds.

HEAT: Well, it’s not Reaper heat. I know because I have a bottle of dehydrated ones in my room, of which I have eaten two. Sadly, I was drunk when I did it, so to make them hotter, putting them on a slice of pizza. Not bad, but I don’t recall it being overly horrible. This doesn’t come close to reaper. It’s another faux reaper product. For someone who is new, will it be a significant burn? Well, my sister tried one and commented that it has a good burn, but it was tolerable. My sister doesn’t eat spicy food at the level I do, so let that sink in. She has barely tried anything hotter than a jalapeño. In other words, it is mostly bullshit.

CONCLUSION: This product is for casuals that want to boast they tried a reaper product, but without the pain of a real reaper based product. Those of us in the know will get a slight tingling and a decent flavor but not much else. I tried their ghost pepper ones as well and thought those were BS as well. So I should of known better, but atlas, I did not. For KAGEMAS I should review beer, because at least I would get a buzz, instead of weak ass, fronting almonds. The serving size says 28 almonds, so right there should of been the dead give away that it wasn’t good. I ate 40 of them last night and well, unlike tomorrows review, these didn’t even hurt on the way out. So are they something to be thankful for? Clearly not.

2.5 out of 5

Kagegiving: Lola’s Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce.

INTRODUCTION: I love hot sauces. Been having them for years. Still cannot find one that’s too hot. That doesn’t stop me from trying to, though. So, we go to things labeled with the Carolina Reaper to find something extremely hot, right?

Smell: very sweet, hint of spice and slight vinegar.

TASTE: very sweet, garlic and lime are accounted for. Small amount of vinegar, basically it’s a more refined Franks Red Hot. Taste great! No hint of the Reaper flavor though.

HEAT: ? Still trying to find it myself. I went through the bottle and not a single bit of heat to speak of. If you’re gonna call something a hot sauce, you might want the hot to actually be in there. Even for a rookie to hot sauce this is manageable I am sure. I had lower level hot sauces or hot items to ensure my tolerance wasn’t the issue and sure enough, that’s not the problem.

Conclusion: So is this something to be thankful for? In terms of flavor, yea. Fantastic sweet taste and mildly complex, it makes a lot of things more flavorful. That said, the lack of heat, especially something bearing the Reapers name, should not be so timid. When it was a couple bucks, it would of be four stars, but with no heat and a cost of something, that for a few bucks more, you could go to heatonist.com and buy something equally as good with a burn, this is docked a couple stars.

3 out of 5