Kagemas: Spicy fun

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Me trying a chocolate 7 pot. One of the hottest peppers in the world.
A gift given to me 12/24/21

So the above photos are to give some background to this short Kagemas review. I have been eating hot peppers heavily since I was about 17. This would be 2003. Although I did try some in the 1990’s, I wasn’t overly enchanted with a lot of spicy stuff. Anyways, the point is I have a pretty high fuckin’ tolerance after nearly 20 years of eating hot shit.

Let me start with Steve O’s hot sauce. I watched Jackass as a kid. It had it’s moments, but it isn’t high brow by any stretch of the imagination. Steve O is a fuckin’ idiot, so when I was given this hot sauce, I actually had high hopes that it would be stupid hot. That wasn’t to be. While it smells and taste great, it is, overall a mostly meh sauce. You can get one that smells like, but taste slightly different than this one, if you buy Badia’s Ghost Pepper sauce or Melinda’s Ghost pepper sauce. Both are far cheaper than this stuff is and probably comparably hot. Granted, it will probably be hotter if you’re not a “expert” like I am at peppers or eating hot sauce, so a rookie might think it is too hot. Overall though, it’s good and I could be inclined to keep a bottle around every once in a while.

3 1/2 stars out of 5.

The next product is not to be underestimated. It only has the scoville rating of a Jalapeno, which, for me, is like eating a bell pepper. So I had a bowl, sans the stir fry part and boy did this fucker kick. You would of thought I was a rookie at eating hot stuff, but nope, as I assured you above, I have been an hot sauce idiot aficionado, for quite some time. I can see why so many people didn’t make it through the Youtube challenges. It’s price is decent, but not the cheapest ramen. If you try it, make sure to have milk, because it doesn’t fuck around.

4 out of 5 stars.

Kageoween: Halloween Kills Review (Mostly Spoiler free)

INTRODUCTION: Welcome back to another edition of Kageoween! This year, we’re taking a look at Halloween 2-2, aka Halloween Kills or Halloween 2020-21.

Is this the horror movie of our nightmares or another dashed potential at the film series?

PLOT: It’s technically November 1st, probably, but Halloween is still continuing to be a horrific nightmare, thanks to the escape of Michael Myers, only hours earlier.  

CHARACTERS: Mostly characters from the last outing or in Antony Michael Hall’s case, an updated actor to an old role. None of them are really better developed in this one, but they don’t really need to be.

STYLE: Very great visuals, especially when they go back to 1978 for a very special surprise, which will make you explode with joy as a fan.

ACTING: Very good! Not a single weak ass mutha’ fucker, even the extras brought their A game.

DIALOGUE: Clunky at moments, but otherwise fine. This movie would have been great even with dialogue.

FX: Retro, but good. Nothing is going to stand out to you.

MUSIC: It’s Halloween! It’s that same one fuckin’ song and the occasional eerie Myer’s screech/beat, but it is fuckin’ effective as all hell, so who cares?

SUBTEXT: None that I could discern at present.

CONCLUSION:

The critic consensus isn’t good, but fuck them, am I right? This movie just proves that this Halloween is following typical three act structure and this is The Empire Strikes Back of Halloween movies. Oh sure, it has a few weak moments when it comes to potential recons, that don’t really make sense, given that Halloween (2018) picks up right after Michael is shot by Loomis in Halloween (1978) but they’re not committed enough to those for it to have really matter, at least not in this flick. Yes, it’s a movie devoid of anything but senseless killing and in that, we find brilliance, because this movie is really Michael’s voice, in that he speaks through his actions, leading up to what should be a amazing third act in Halloween Ends (2022) Ultimately, this movie didn’t need to be anything but carnage candy and it satisfies. Now only time will tell if the series will end on a high note. It has me already looking forward to next Halloween.

4 out of 5 stars.

Mortal Kombat Remake, Review

Normally, I am a lot more wordy with my reviews, but I’m speechless when it comes to how fuckin good of a movie this was. It was worth the nearly 3 decade wait to see it. If you’re a certain age, and remember MK one and how bad Annihilation was, then this needs to be seen and experienced. Just watch it!

4 out of 5 stars.

The Devil’s Advocate, Jim Beam.

The Devil is in the details and boy does this thing have a plethora of details. Ironically, it’s more angelic than it’s name lets on and is quite ethereal. For $30.00 (Maine. Check your region for price.) You get something that is quite better than it’s normal, everyday counter part On the nose is a peppery, sweet vanilla, low ethanol scent. On the palate, you get wood notes, cherry, vanilla, apple, typical Kentuckian whiskey, peaty flavor, along with a slight peppery burn and a smooth, sweet finish. The best way to drink this is neat, as you really get all those great flavors. Drinking it with a bit of water turns it into normal Jim Beam and wouldn’t be worth the premium price. I haven’t mixed it with any soda, so I don’t know it mixes, but since it reminds me a bit of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum, I bet it would mix well. Shooting it is smooth as glass. Overall, a very good whiskey at a decent price.

4/5 Stars

Kageoween: The Haunting of Bly Manor

INTRODUCTION: So, I’ve just finished The Haunting of Bly Manor, a sequel season, to an anthology series of haunted houses, all of which, are apparently mansions. Presumably because the ghost of the mansions are subtext for white guilt because Ole Mike here is more successful than you and feels bad about it. I digress though. This is an adaptation of an old gothic horror novella from 1898, one of which I will now make sure to read. Is this “show” worth it though?

STORY/PLOT: An au pair takes a job at a haunted mansion, how original of Netflix, uh? They really pushed the boundaries of a narrative here.

CHARACTERS: Not bad for horror, but could of been better overall. I know he gets praised for developing characters in horror better than horror normally does, but I feel like his development is equal to that of a prepubescent child with hard nipples from the winter chill as opposed to a fully developed adult woman, but for horror, I’ll take whatever I can get. It isn’t always easy to develop characters well anyways.

Once again I find myself dismayed at the LGBTQ representation being the equal to that of a fratboy having fantasies. I mean, I haven’t hand a chance to know every lesbian in my lifetime, but I do know drunken benders that lead to lesbianism, do not seem to be the major narrative in a lot of gay love stories. It’s more dishearten, given he has his wife play another Lesbian character, whom identifies as Bi, so Mike should know better, but atlas, I will have to put up with shitty characters that don’t even have build to them being lesbians, it’s just trust onto us. I mean, he is only 8 years old than I, but is lesbianism really a shock and awe moment? Kind of behind the 8 ball on this one.

ACTING: Mostly shit, except for two actors. The cook and the guy who played the farther in the The Haunting of Hill House.

STYLE/VISUALS: Kind of reminiscent of early 2000’s dramas for me, like The Practice or Boston Legal. Since this story is based in the 1980’s, it works, but still nothing exciting.

WRITING: Very good.

DIALOUGE: I get it’s England, but a lot of it is fuckin’ cringe.

TENSION: Quite splendid for this show. Sadly it was a big let down to nothing of worth at the end. Once again he added in a scare that I didn’t expect and I’m not afraid to admit it. I lothe the heavy reliance on jump scares though.

MUSIC: Forgettable at best. This show’s tension at it’s highest when there isn’t a score anyways, so.

SUBTEXT: Not a lot, but for me it seems to be about legacies and the impression one makes on others, family and friends being the most important, so that one isn’t forgotten about.

CONCLUSION: While the mid-season twist were perfectly predictable, I like the first 5 episodes even better than I the original. Sadly it wears out its welcome by episode 8 and 9 seems like a tedious epilogue that wasn’t needed. My thoughts are the complete opposite with The Haunting of Hill House, which was boring up until the end. I was afraid this was going to go Deus Ex Machina, but that would of been welcome to the let down of an ending we did get. Episode 8 was so out of place, it really seemed tacked on, when it could of been at the beginning of the season and while a diversion from the narrative, it was somewhat integral to see where the story was heading. It’s just one more let down though, but I’ve wasted my time on worse.

3 out of 5 stars.

EDIT: ADDED WRITING AND DIALOUGE BLOCKS. 18 OCT 2020 AT 2:15 PM

Kageoween: Hubbie Halloween

INTRODUCTION: Adam Sandler and Happy Madison did it again and I do not mean making a great movie. Props to the most meta movie comment ever when a teacher Cleopatra, when prompted to help Sandler’s Character, says “No, he overstayed his welcome!”.

PLOT: A stupid but “lovable” shlub, is hated by his hometown and ends up in the midst of a murder mystery.

CHARACTERS: It’s a Sandler movie, it’s shallow as fuck stock characters. Fuck him and fuck Netflix too!

STYLE: This shit would of been straight to DVD when I was a child, so it looks good from that Standpoint but not really something that would be visually stunning in a theater.

WRITING: Typical Sandler movie with the same bullshit juvenilia that plagues all his movies now a days.

MUSIC: *Shrug*

SUBTEXT: Presumably it’s more schadenfreude from Sandler, the textbook simpleton, who was most likely disliked as a child due to being a moron and who “grew up” to “make something” of himself, so he likes to constantly write the same story and shove it in people’s face.

CONCLUSION: This is all the same beats as Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison. It’s a guy, who would be living in a half way home if someone cared enough about them to get them some help, but as usual, the dumbass somehow saves the day or gets the girl. You know, shit that doesn’t actually happen in real life, given that Sandler and his characters are possibly legally retarded, so the hot girl boning him is the adult equivalent of pedophilia. These movies where cute when you were a child, but they’re sad and pathetic now. If wanted to see middle aged losers who couldn’t cut it in the real world and couldn’t grow up because adulting is “too hard”, I could look on YouTube and find half a dozen Millennial Neckbeards that fit the profile. Adam is the young boomer, proto-millennial who couldn’t grow up back in the 90’s and still cannot. When you factor in his core audience is the same, you get a movie that is not needed. In an alternative world, where Adam Sandler’s audience grew up and he didn’t, those intellectually obtuse neckbeards would be watching these dated, but new “classic” Sandler flix with kids of their own. So while they would still be trite, at least they would serve a function. If Adam really wanted to impress me with a new movie, he would take his formula and combine it with Uwe Boll’s Rampage, it would be more in line with the majority of his former audience and he could call it InCel. It would make a fortune.

EDIT: If anyone would actually like to see a movie that is Billy Madison+Rampage, let me know in the comments and I’ll launch a kickstarter to direct it.