Heffalumps and Woozles:The Raping of Ava Desantis, Book Review

INTRODUCTION

     I don’t what to think about this novel, whatsoever. I ordered it a few days ago, started it at 1pm today and just finished it about 8:30 pm. When I first looked up this novel, it was to investigate what it was about. Apparently it was a multi-award winner in 2015, but I never heard a damn thing about it, nor of the awards it won. It claims they’re industry related, but it is hard to have industry related awards when none of them are well known brands. I mean, I have an award for best critic of the year, but I made it up just now, so I’ll be like Donald Trump and Barrack Obama and put it on my book, just to sell more copies, because why merit anything when you can just pull bullshit out your ass, because the sorry ass consumers cannot be bother to do so much as the bare minimum of research in order to vote, never mind buy a fuckin’ novel. One “reviewer” claimed it made 50 shades of grey look like a training manual. Did that idiot even read either book or does he/she have rape fantasies? It isn’t even a horror novel. Goosebumps have more horror. So much seems wrong, but whatever, let us look at this novel a lot deeper than other “reviewers” have.

SYNOPSIS

     It is 1991, nerdy introvert needs to help jock type get good grades, invites her to frat party, even though cliché stock character doesn’t like her. The basic bros do too much drugs, and rape the chick to kingdom cum. The mother pays her off to keep, well, mum. She gets paid, but decides to avenge herself.

CHARACTERS
     This book isn’t black and white, but it isn’t color either. The only thing less developed than the characters in this book is the infrastructure the GOP keeps promising to fix. This book is like John Hughes took a copious amount of blow and forgot what he was able to accomplish, ala Steven King in the 1980’s.

PROSE
     Shallow, uneven, but with bits of competency as a writer, strewn throughout. It is super concise and can be read quickly. She knows how to paint a background, showcase humans, but everything else ultimately make this novel wonky at best. It is a debut novel, so perhaps she could be forgiven? Well, she claims to have been a Hollywood ghostwriter for years and to be fair, it shows, when she writes her onomatopoeia in all caps like this RING. In screenplay writing, you do that in order to show where the camera is to place emphasis. It is lost on most readers in this novel and doesn’t add anything.

THEMES AND SUBTEXT
     This isn’t the book to be looking for such, it is shallow as a puddle. I mean, we don’t even have a motive for why she is bothering to kill these people in the first place. The only thing I can gather is the following: 1. the writer has the mind of a man. 2. She is possibly bi-sexual. 3. She likes redheads, which I can relate to, but I still like brunettes and blondes too. 4. She has possibly engage in very weird, kinky sex or wants us to think that. 5. She has a fake publishing LLC just to post reviews of her own book and drum up publicity, including hiring actors. 6. The awards are dubious. 8. She clearly wants to be famous. 9. She is at least semi competent. 10. She will probably fare very well in the future.

CONCLUSION
     Mylo Carbia has managed to write an entire book that is like a episode of Seinfeld. I mean, nothing happens, yet, is has some appeal, or enough to have keep me reading it. It has uneven prose, zero suspense, shallow characters, a dumb double twist that was never set up nor is it actually a twist. The references are understandable, even to a younger audience. I mean, I’m confused as to if I enjoyed it, even with the flaws or not, to even recommend. Still, Mylo shows promise and clearly a drive to succeed, if you’re faking an organization just for reviews. With a few tweaks, she could have a hell of a lot of potential, even if she is the equivalent of a Millennial in GenX form.

3 out of 5.

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