Tag Archives: horror novel reviews

Heffalumps and Woozles:The Raping of Ava Desantis, Book Review


     I don’t what to think about this novel, whatsoever. I ordered it a few days ago, started it at 1pm today and just finished it about 8:30 pm. When I first looked up this novel, it was to investigate what it was about. Apparently it was a multi-award winner in 2015, but I never heard a damn thing about it, nor of the awards it won. It claims they’re industry related, but it is hard to have industry related awards when none of them are well known brands. I mean, I have an award for best critic of the year, but I made it up just now, so I’ll be like Donald Trump and Barrack Obama and put it on my book, just to sell more copies, because why merit anything when you can just pull bullshit out your ass, because the sorry ass consumers cannot be bother to do so much as the bare minimum of research in order to vote, never mind buy a fuckin’ novel. One “reviewer” claimed it made 50 shades of grey look like a training manual. Did that idiot even read either book or does he/she have rape fantasies? It isn’t even a horror novel. Goosebumps have more horror. So much seems wrong, but whatever, let us look at this novel a lot deeper than other “reviewers” have.


     It is 1991, nerdy introvert needs to help jock type get good grades, invites her to frat party, even though cliché stock character doesn’t like her. The basic bros do too much drugs, and rape the chick to kingdom cum. The mother pays her off to keep, well, mum. She gets paid, but decides to avenge herself.

     This book isn’t black and white, but it isn’t color either. The only thing less developed than the characters in this book is the infrastructure the GOP keeps promising to fix. This book is like John Hughes took a copious amount of blow and forgot what he was able to accomplish, ala Steven King in the 1980’s.

     Shallow, uneven, but with bits of competency as a writer, strewn throughout. It is super concise and can be read quickly. She knows how to paint a background, showcase humans, but everything else ultimately make this novel wonky at best. It is a debut novel, so perhaps she could be forgiven? Well, she claims to have been a Hollywood ghostwriter for years and to be fair, it shows, when she writes her onomatopoeia in all caps like this RING. In screenplay writing, you do that in order to show where the camera is to place emphasis. It is lost on most readers in this novel and doesn’t add anything.

     This isn’t the book to be looking for such, it is shallow as a puddle. I mean, we don’t even have a motive for why she is bothering to kill these people in the first place. The only thing I can gather is the following: 1. the writer has the mind of a man. 2. She is possibly bi-sexual. 3. She likes redheads, which I can relate to, but I still like brunettes and blondes too. 4. She has possibly engage in very weird, kinky sex or wants us to think that. 5. She has a fake publishing LLC just to post reviews of her own book and drum up publicity, including hiring actors. 6. The awards are dubious. 8. She clearly wants to be famous. 9. She is at least semi competent. 10. She will probably fare very well in the future.

     Mylo Carbia has managed to write an entire book that is like a episode of Seinfeld. I mean, nothing happens, yet, is has some appeal, or enough to have keep me reading it. It has uneven prose, zero suspense, shallow characters, a dumb double twist that was never set up nor is it actually a twist. The references are understandable, even to a younger audience. I mean, I’m confused as to if I enjoyed it, even with the flaws or not, to even recommend. Still, Mylo shows promise and clearly a drive to succeed, if you’re faking an organization just for reviews. With a few tweaks, she could have a hell of a lot of potential, even if she is the equivalent of a Millennial in GenX form.

3 out of 5.

Kageoween: Carmilla Book Review

     Carmilla is one of the earliest vampire stories and the inspiration behind Bram Stoker’s Dracula, apparently. Besides this, the only other known source for vampire mythos prior to Dracula is Varney the Vampire, a penny dreadful, which was sold on the streets for a penny back in the 1800’s.

     Much has been said about this novel, mostly the balls on J. Sheridan LeFanu, for adding Sappho eroticism in a time frame when such would have been on par with child molesting today.

     So, what does it come off as in 2018 and is it really any good? The answer, probably won’t surprise you!

     A young woman lives with a family when strange occurrences start to, well, occur, leading to a less than suspenseful build up to the climax of wow, vampire.

     The prose has moments of sheer beauty throughout its page. If written in a modern voice, I think the story would fail even more. Part of the charm is that 1800’s style narration with beautiful prose in some places and misplaced telling aspects that could of be written better.

     The characters are mostly shallow, but still enough to get an idea for their personalities. No one character really sticks out in my mind, except for the father of the young woman who is friends with the vampress title character. He is a weird scientist of sorts and I don’t mean a literal scientist, I mean, he looks for the simplest explanation of a situation, but in the same breathe is glad that it wasn’t witches. I like this weird, juxtaposition between science and superstition. The original inspiration for Van Helsing is also present, but he isn’t as developed as he is in Dracula, but you can see where the inspiration came from, but it was less homage and more a “Hold my beer” moment, as Bram Stoker showcased he could do it better.

     Unlike other reviewers, most of whom are also male, I don’t find lesbianism to be a subtext of this book. I think it is inferred by men with an inkling of homoeroticism for other men, who have projected their desires on two characters.

     I know Vampires are known for their sensual nature, but they’re predators mostly, they’re also dead, thus they really don’t have a sexuality at all. I also find it weird that these same reviewers never spot male homosexual subtext in Dracula or other novels about vampires. Interview with the Vampire comes to mind with blatant male homoerotism, of which no one ever points out or holds up in esteem. The homosexuality is especially noticeable in the movie of Interview with the Vampire, where the sexual ambiguity between Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise is so thick, you could cut the fuckin thing with a knife. Just like this book, 90’s male homosexuality would have been considered loathsome and horrible, but no praise for pushing the envelope there.

     This book is really short and sparse of form, while giving some of the future tropes for the vampire mythos that we either all know and love or find to be horrible clichés. I wouldn’t say Bram Stoker was so much inspired by it, as being a flat out plagiarist on quite a bit, while extrapolating with better fleshed out characters, subtext and themes. Ironically, Bram himself would later be plagiarized with Nosferatu, a lawsuit ensued which he would win, even though he really had no grounds, notwithstanding his own plagiarism. Still, the story is good, the prose is decent and while the lesbian subtext is inferred by Horny men, the book still has a lot going for it and is well worth picking up.

3 out of 5 stars.