Men and woman view relationships differently. A woman puts more stock into them, a man doesn’t. Men have historically been simpler than woman. However, leave it to idiotic millennials to fuck this paradigm up. So you heard of mansplain. Well now there is man keeping. Except man keeping isn’t unique to just men, it’s females that do it too.
Mankeeping is defined as a lopsided relationship trope where one partner is shouldering the emotions of another, without it being a two way street. Except men have delt with this bullshit way longer than woman.
My longest relationship, not a dating one, was about 30 years long. My girlfriend from when I was 12. We both met in preschool in the 80s and we stayed friends off and on through, due to moving around, for 30 years. It finally fell apart because she went back to doing annoying shit that I didn’t like about her in middle school. I also knew her sister for equally as long.
My next several relationships, non romantic, are two years away from turn 20. I met them in a MySpace chat, one on FB and I’ve been on good terms with most of them ever since. My bestie being the strongest relationship because we had the ability to grow it more. One friend of mine is from England so obviously we had just the internet and another of mine lived in the sticks that you couldn’t get to and now resides in the south.
After that, most of my friendships lasted about 10 years, like one male friend of mine from kindergarten that lasted up until I moved to NH.
Anything less than 5 years has been a rarity for me.
In all that time I have learned one thing and that is that why friendships are great, they’re not the end all be all. I was good in life without my friends and I would still be fine even if we never met and that is because the first rule of any relationship is a healthy sense of self. You have a whole life outside of your friends that includes family too. Without this foundation, your relationships will crumble.
The second most important thing in a relationship is setting it up as is and being as open about everything you can up front. You’re setting the tone for however long this thing lasts. Be honest and real. Too many bitches out there fronting as is.
Another way of framing this is the 1960s Batman show. If you seen it, it’s on Netflix if you haven’t or YouTube, a running gag through out the show was that Batman always had the right tool and the right time, but unlike James Bond that has Q to set up the gadgets, aka foreshadowing, it’s hokey. So if you’re a ballbust be that, if you’re in need of emotional support, be that.
The third part is that all relationships are two way streets. It requires both to be there for one another, not parasitic. Millennials have made all relationships woefully inadequate. They’re about as good at it as their idiotic boomer parents. They think they’re liked because enough people placate their ego, but the reality is that if pushed, not a single one of those people will be there for them.
The lopsided aspect has things in common with NPD. I know I’ve spoken of things like this is the past and I’m working on a bigger, overall peice in it. However, no relationship can be one way.
The reason i liken it to NPD is that, they often exhibit great deals of dejection from quasi hurtful things. Things that are so mirco no one would take your dejection seriously.
Take this example for instance. Back in the 90s I was checked for cancer in Boston. Thankfully I didn’t have it. However, this negatively impacted both of my parents, both were dejected and both worked towards supporting one another. That’s why you expect from a partnership, especially when things impact the both of you. Same when things happened to my siblings. This guy isn’t what we’re seeing with millennials. They act like things only affect them and not their entire families. There is a non medical term I like to use for these people and that’s “loser.” And we all know, as the onion points out, depression hits losers the hardest.
Communicate with your friends and partners. This is another important role in keeping relationships going. without it, everything is going to hell and millennials suck at this. It’s almost impossible to communicate with them when they’re not in your life, never mind when they are.
Which leads me to my final aspect, emotional intelligence. Read their body language and understand them. Like one time my bestie and I had a misunderstanding when I made a joke. Normally she takes it well, but not that night. Even though I knew it was more likely all the other bullshit in her life that made my joke seem worse that day, I had to man up and apologize because that was indeed my bad. I saw her body language was in dejected mode and worked towards keeping us on track. If the relationship is worth having, it’s worth sollowing your pride for.
Thankfully most Gen Zers I meet understand these and at quite young ages. People my age could learn a great deal from them.
So let’s recap as to how to start having better relationships.
- Sense of self
- Laying it all on the table
- Reciprocity / mutualism
- Communication
- Emotional intelligence
Working towards getting these basic elements down will result in better and stronger bonds.
Stay Metal🤘
Best in Your Girl 