Category Archives: Writing

Writing

Kagegiving: First we Feast, Hot Ones Pringles Review

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INTRODUCTION: Everyone knows the show with Hot questions and even hotter wings, although I presume it’s the sauce that’s actually hot and the wings are mildly warm at best. So they did a collaboration with Pringles. Now, if you ever tried any of the normal hot flavors of Pringles you know they’re pretty much shit, both in flavor and heat. The original Pringles, which taste like the original McDonalds fries before the 90s change and sour cream and onion are the best flavors, but I digress. So did Sean sell out and fuck us all over just to make a buck or does this stuff bring the heat?

VISUALS: They look like basic white girl Pringles, but green with envy, like your basic Starbucks employee.

SCENT: Nothing to write home about. Don’t smell like heat or pepper.

TASTE: They have a unique flavor, something I’m unfamiliar with with Pringles and hot sauce, but boy is it good. Tangy, sweet, zesty. Hard to peg down specifics of the taste.

HEAT: So, for something that’s a verde, you expect barely any, right? Oh hell no! It isn’t even close to the hottest thing I have eaten, but good god damn does it bring the heat. a product that promises and delivers. Holy shit! If this is a green, I would hate to see how the red one is. If you’re new to spice, you are going to want a glass of milk. If you’re used to hotter stuff like I am, you might still need a glass of milk.

CONCLUSION: So it’s a tradition around here to ask if this is something to be thankful for and well, I stopped writing my review to finish the can and have a second one ready to go, whilst awaiting Thanksgiving dinner. I think that says a lot right there. If you can find it, go out and buy it and if Pringles doesn’t make these permanent, well, I will personally rip of Mr. Pringles mustache myself.

5 out of 5 stars.

Writing

Kagegiving: Blue Diamond Carolina Reaper Almonds

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INTRODUCTION: In my ever growing quest for hot products, we find ourselves at yet another reaper based item and boy is this gonna be fun.

Smell: Good. Almond scent is faint, but you can tell real pepper was used to create this. Sadly, it doesn’t smell like reaper either.

VISUAL: Nice looking. Orange to reddish hue, covered in a nice dust of pepper.

TASTE: A lot like Andy Caps hot fries. Kinda makes a squeaky noise when chewed. Soft texture, like most almonds.

HEAT: Well, it’s not Reaper heat. I know because I have a bottle of dehydrated ones in my room, of which I have eaten two. Sadly, I was drunk when I did it, so to make them hotter, putting them on a slice of pizza. Not bad, but I don’t recall it being overly horrible. This doesn’t come close to reaper. It’s another faux reaper product. For someone who is new, will it be a significant burn? Well, my sister tried one and commented that it has a good burn, but it was tolerable. My sister doesn’t eat spicy food at the level I do, so let that sink in. She has barely tried anything hotter than a jalapeño. In other words, it is mostly bullshit.

CONCLUSION: This product is for casuals that want to boast they tried a reaper product, but without the pain of a real reaper based product. Those of us in the know will get a slight tingling and a decent flavor but not much else. I tried their ghost pepper ones as well and thought those were BS as well. So I should of known better, but atlas, I did not. For KAGEMAS I should review beer, because at least I would get a buzz, instead of weak ass, fronting almonds. The serving size says 28 almonds, so right there should of been the dead give away that it wasn’t good. I ate 40 of them last night and well, unlike tomorrows review, these didn’t even hurt on the way out. So are they something to be thankful for? Clearly not.

2.5 out of 5

Writing

Kagegiving: Lola’s Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce.

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INTRODUCTION: I love hot sauces. Been having them for years. Still cannot find one that’s too hot. That doesn’t stop me from trying to, though. So, we go to things labeled with the Carolina Reaper to find something extremely hot, right?

Smell: very sweet, hint of spice and slight vinegar.

TASTE: very sweet, garlic and lime are accounted for. Small amount of vinegar, basically it’s a more refined Franks Red Hot. Taste great! No hint of the Reaper flavor though.

HEAT: ? Still trying to find it myself. I went through the bottle and not a single bit of heat to speak of. If you’re gonna call something a hot sauce, you might want the hot to actually be in there. Even for a rookie to hot sauce this is manageable I am sure. I had lower level hot sauces or hot items to ensure my tolerance wasn’t the issue and sure enough, that’s not the problem.

Conclusion: So is this something to be thankful for? In terms of flavor, yea. Fantastic sweet taste and mildly complex, it makes a lot of things more flavorful. That said, the lack of heat, especially something bearing the Reapers name, should not be so timid. When it was a couple bucks, it would of be four stars, but with no heat and a cost of something, that for a few bucks more, you could go to heatonist.com and buy something equally as good with a burn, this is docked a couple stars.

3 out of 5

Writing

Kagegiving:The Glencarian Glass

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Introduction: So this is my first time reviewing a glass. Never have I done so. The closest I have ever gotten was reviewing the fact I think milk is at its peak in a pint glass, but that was as a child and I mentioned it to my family. This is my first formal review. So a lot has been said in regards to cups in helping with beer. I normally drink from the bottle, rarely a cup, when so I have beer. At first I wanted to be skeptical of such, but the logic made sense. Taste is deeply tied to olfactory sensation, so the more you get to the nose, the more taste you can discern.

Design: bigger than expected. Feels sturdy. Cute as opposed to macho, which I suppose is the complete antithesis of what one envisions when thinking of a whiskey drinker.

Dram one: I have a very uncouth personal pallet. I love JD, and Budweiser. So the I christened it with JD. I noticed it cuts the JD burn down, but it taste very muted in flavor and feels more like water going down. I like that, but I want to make sure it wasn’t just my boorish taste in undetectable ambrosia so I had a slightly more upscale dram.

Dram 2: I choose you, Makers Mark! Yes, I could taste all the flavors of makers, but no more than that of any cup I have had it in, barring one, which is a slight bit of peatiness that is more concentrated in an Ezra Brooks or Knob Creek.

Price: Price is too high for what this is. It was made for a Buck and cost $16 USD. Most I ever paid for a cup and probably my last, except for say, a tankard.

Conclusion: I intend to more research, and by that using it as an excuse to be a major fuckin lush./sarcasm. That said, I do not see much value in such a cup such as this and the ramifications that it ultimately holds for us puseudo connoisseurs. If you like pretentious innuendo of looking like the upscale snob that writes for the Atlantic instead of the unrefined human that I tend to be, then rush out and buy a 100. It offers little to me except taking down the burn of whiskey, but I occasionally like that feeling. I thought I was getting buddy Jesus from Dogma and ended up with shitty normal Jesus, instead.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars.

kageoween, Reviews, Writing

Kageoween: Hocus Pocus 2

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Introduction: I hated the first flick with a passion. I was born and grew up in Salem and remember when it was being made. I know and have seen all the local haunts in the flick. There was nothing more special about that flick than a million other movies before it. So was this worth a 29 year wait?

Synopsis: The witches are back. Thanks virgins!

Acting: very solid and on par with the first ones.

Dialogue: very good.

Characters: Slightly stock, albeit fun additions, be nice if they were better rounded.

Visuals: way better than the first, but the CGI sucked.

Subtext: None really, unless you want to get into some stuff about how these movies are very lesbian chic before it was cool.

Conclusion: This movie moves at a brisker pace than the original. It’s funnier than the original and in a lot of ways that actually improved things better the second time around. It’s darker in tone than the original, especially on one joke about eating a child’s face. Never mind the fact these versions don’t mess around. The worst part of this flick is how much of Sarah Jessica Parker’s legs seem to show in a kids movie. It’s nostalgic, while different. I actually enjoyed this one, unlike the original. Extra bonus points for the retro newspaper kiosk outside Walgreens.

3 out of 5 stars

Writing

Kageoween:Halloween Ends 2022

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INTRODUCTION: Finally, someone has the balls to stand up to Michael Myers in this unnessercery but still desirable sequel. So does it live up to the three act structure that I thought it was going last year? Let’s see.

STORY: it’s Halloween, again. But this time, Michael is done for. Wink, wink!

CHARACTERS: Typical of the last two of the modern era Halloween flicks.

VISUALS: Same as through the other two. At this point it isn’t interesting. Nice crane work and single tracking shots. Kills are no better than 2018.

ACTING: Best acting of ALL the Halloween movies, including the original.

CONCLUSION: This movie pretends to be something it isn’t, which is a Halloween sequel. It somehow combines literary tropes with genre and succeeds in droves. It’s a combination of classic horror, but takes a major deviation from the norm. It’s a slow burn that builds up characters, but when we get action it is great. Everything that the critics claimed about The Last Jedi taking chances with Star Wars, but wasn’t true, is true of this flick. A return to form, but new ground. It was so good, my three gripes are just nit picking. This movie’s biggest flaw is that it needs an extra hour to have made it even stronger than it was. Cannot say it will be everyone’s cup, but it is the most unique horror film in decades. This deserves an Oscar nomination for best picture. If it doesn’t win, that’s a crime in and of itself.

5 outta 5 Stars