Category Archives: Educational

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Kagegiving: Clerks 3, movie review.

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INTRODUCTION: Snootch to the mutha fuckin nootch! So while I have never actually reviewed a Kevin Smith film, I have been a fan for years. I went as Dante from Clerks, even though I’m more of a Randal fan. Who could miss a golden opportunity to bitch about how I wasn’t even supposed to be here today? Every screenplay I have ever conceived has at least one reference to Kevin Smith. I’ve even had the same conversation about shitting or getting off the pot with a female Dante in my late 20s. Unlike Dante, the 7/11 employee ended up quitting and getting a better job. A testament to Kevin’s writing. I even lived in a town that saw a church celebrating its Bicentennial, sadly, no Ill equipped angel entered into and nearly negating all of existence. Not to mention, growing up in Salem, Massachusetts, one Haunted Happings eve, at the local comic shop, I bumped into two fanboys dressed as the men themselves, Jay and Silent Bob, where I said “aren’t you that silent jay and bob guys?” To which the not so silent bob corrected me. Worse than not knowing Jungle Love. So to say my life hasn’t seen a lot of Kevin Smith references is an understatement.

PLOT: Nearly Senior Citizens, Dante Hicks and Randall Graves are still working at the quick stop, which they now own, when a near death experience forces Randal out of his comfort zone to make a movie.

CHARACTERS: If you don’t watch Kevin’s movies, you’re going to be lost here. You need to see Clerks one and two first. The characters grow, albeit slowly, over the course of several movies.

ACTING: Best Acting I’ve seen from a grouping of non actors. Brian O’halloran deserved an Oscar nom for the emotional aspect he exuded here and Jeff Anderson followed right on his heels with an equally stellar emotional performance.

VISUALS: it’s Clerks. Who cares?

FX: ?

MUSIC: More modern, well as modern as 05 and up can be. It’s fitting.

CONCLUSION: This was made for fans of the series, nothing more and nothing less and while I hate the ending, which justifies Dante’s world view of life being a series of down endings, it’s still fitting. Honestly, Clerks 3 is the strongest of the two sequels and while I enjoyed Clerks 2, it’s a movie that probably shouldn’t have been made. That said, it did as a bridge to an even better Clerks 3. If you’re a fan, give it a watch.

4/5

Writing

Kagegiving: Ghostbusters Afterlife, movie review

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INTRODUCTION: OMG! The cast doesn’t all have vaginas! Well, Finn Wolfhard does, but that’s beside the point. I must trigger on Twitter (Now X) and make sure Hollywood is well aware of my smug need to interject myself were I don’t belong! /sarcasm We all know that after the 2016 reboot, which I enjoyed, that anything Ghostbusters related was going to be polarizing. I decided to do this review late, because I don’t care if you agree with me or not, it’s nice to just have new Ghostbusters movies being made and it doesn’t need a million people triggering on a post. So is this something to be thankful for?

PLOT: Ghostbusters are a thing of the past. Egan fucked off to middle of sister fuckin midwestern town or something. He has grandkids and a child, of which no one knows how that happened. They discover his farm home and in stranger things style, bust heads, in a spiritual sense, or course.

CHARACTERS: Very good and pretty well developed.

ACTING: Excellent! The Gen Z actors are definitely beyond their years. Better than I was at a similar age when I won student of the month for acting at Bates Elementary School in Salem, Massachusetts in fifth grade for the most atrocious Christmas play, ever.

STYLE: Not too dissimilar from 2016, but mildly less Scooby Doo 2000. It doesn’t look like the 80s originals at all, but this is a different Reitman directing, so give him a chance.

MUSIC: Excellent! Even the pop songs were decent.

FX: Excellent. Nice blend of CGI and practical.

CONCLUSION: For a movie that was mostly sold on nostalgia, this really struck out in its own right. I know a lot of people thought the young actors were annoying, I thought they were all really on point. It was modern, nostalgic, unique but kept to the basic Ghostbusters formula that Jason’s father, Ivan, laid down. Very good and I would love to see a dozen more.

5 out of 5 stars

Writing

Kagegiving: The Batman, 2022, review

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Apparently Matt Reeves cast both Obama and The Nostalgia Critic as Joker gang members.

INTRODUCTION: When The Batman was first announced, I was excited. That was until they cast the fuckin Twilight twink as my favorite superhero. Wait! Batman doesn’t fuckin sparkle, I thought to myself and immediately posted an unnecessary tweet about how Robert Pattinson wasn’t MY Batman, like a petulant never -trumper. Unfortunately for me, much like the aforementioned never trumpers, he WAS my Batman for the foreseeable future, because the WB said so. Not too long after filming got underway, Covid hit, stopping this movie dead in its tracks. The WB might not care, but were the fates or fabled movie Gods on my side? Sadly not, since I’m writing this review. So is this something to be thankful for?

PLOT: ugh! It’s an orgin story for the trillionth time, but this time it’s year 3 or some bullshit, instead of year one, with a stupid fuckin Nivarina song, instead of Seal. How fuckin original Mr. Reeves.

CHARACTERS: it’s Batman, we have seen them to death. At this point, we cannot care about character development from one singular Batman film, since there is a wealth of development for all these characters, spanning nearly a century.

STYLE: Very gritty. Dark and you know, Nolan like. Never seen that before! /sarcasm

ACTING: When Heath Ledger was first announced in The Dark Knight, much like the sparkling champagne, er, vampire, I was revulsed. The guy from 10 things I hate about you? Groan! I was wrong and Heath gave a killer performance. Was this to be true here as well? Well, in part. You see Mr. Pattinson is a shitty Bruce Wayne and looks way too old for a Batman in his beginnings, but as for Batman? Well, he fuckin nailed it! Sure the weird internal monologue at the beginning made Batman seem like a psychopath, but by the end, Batman gets character arch, something he never had, and was much needed.

Paul Dano, a mostly forgotten, but decent actor, makes for a truly frightening foe to Batman. Riddler wasn’t just another Joker, he’s a incel madman. Only thing is, they put a tad too much Heath Ledger joker references into him, such as the viral video and the obsession with Batman. Otherwise, fantastic.

Collin Ferrel was at his best in this movie. He really seemed like an actor for once and was entirely lost in The Penguin.

Every one else was on point as well.

MUSIC: very fitting, minus the stupid fucking Nivarina song.

FX: Very good.

CONCLUSION: I may have been reticent in the beginning, but this movie won me over. It even almost made me cry, with the whole Alfred in the hospital thing. I had a few nitpicks, but those are not worth mentioning by the end. Batman essentially loses to The Riddler in part and main characters can be injured. Keeping me on the edge of my seat though the entire flick. For a movie that I had no clue as to which audience this would be for, given the Nolan Trilogy was so fresh in people’s minds, creating a new series was hardly called for, nor would one want to try and idiotically, I might add, step into a great man’s shoes. As it turns out, this is the Batman we deserve, even if we didn’t need it.

4.7 out of 5

Writing

Old Bitty Titties: Opinion

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So if you’ve seen this

https://themessenger.com/entertainment/poor-things-review-emma-stone-has-sex-with-an-apple-a-cucumber-mark-ruffalo-and-more

And this

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/showbiz/us-showbiz/heather-graham-53-full-frontal-31324286.amp

And this

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/jennifer-lawrence-joins-demi-moore-margot-robbie-going-full-frontal-hollywood.amp

Then you know where I am going with this OP-ED. So let me set this up with a axiom for movies I came up with in my teens. It goes

The eailer we see tits in a movie, the worse the flick is going to be.”

-Teenage Me

and most times, this holds true, at least for me. 99% of 80s horror movies used this formula to major box office receipts, but none of them were known for being good cinema. Now the same trend, is creeping into normal movies as well and to be fair, I’m pretty sure my axiom holds true here, as well, except that we change it to read

“if a majority of your marketing budget is spent on an actress, especially an aging one, doing soft core porn, your movie is probably going to suck.”

-me

Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with older women showing off and feeling comfortable with their skin as some middle aged people are apt to do. Nor was there anything wrong with Brittney Spears doing something similar. I’m also not prutanical enough to say all nudity is bad. Titanic used it tactfully.

That said, this is a really dull and stupid trend that reeks of exploitation of aging women and their comfort zone with middle age to try and still be relevant in a world were your uturus dictates the value of a female actress, over a male counterpart.

One has to wonder whom this trend is really for, though. I mean, sure, I liked older women in my youth, but are teen boys really into middle age women baring it all? I don’t think so. In fact, I know so.

Let’s look at the fact that these movies are borderline Pornhub videos. Who the fuck wants to sit in the movies and watch that amongst a bunch of strangers? There is a reason why the last porn cinemas went out of business over 30 years ago and that’s probably because it as awkward to watch as asking your parents to buy you condoms in your teens. So unless you’re Paul Rubens, this probably isn’t the place for you.

I for one am already over this stupid trend and hope it goes away sooner, rather than later, because it perplexes me as to why and for what a person could possibly get from this. Hollywood needs to leave to Tity showing to barley legal b-movie actress and not well established veterans of acting. You’re a director, not Lary Flynt. Also, If these middle age actress’ want to show off, do it the old fashioned way, by calling Playboy, like Madonna did.

Writing

Kagegiving: Joker, 2019, movie review

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INTRODUCTION: This movie came out in 2019, as the most unique concept in movie history, but also very popularizing to audiences that thought this type of movie might embolden incels to mass violence, ala the Auroa, Co incident. That, thankfully, never happened. What we did end up with is a movie that is getting a sequel soon and so I decided to finally give this film a go. So is it something to be thankful for?

PLOT: A young man with NPD and a laugh condition, struggles to fit into a 1970s-1980s era world, then eventually becomes the joker.

MUSIC: Catchy retro tunes.

CHARACTERS: Arthur Fleck is the most remarkable and remembered of all the characters. The rest kinda exist and are not as well developed.

VISUALS: Stunning! I’ve seen enough retro movies to know that Todd Phillips nailed the style he was going for. It’s retro, but not tacky. Every thing, including the typewriter print, was so painfully accurate. The most non authentic part of this movie, I would argue, was the revolver. It had a pin on the hammer. While it never says what year the movie actually is, I suspect it’s between 1977-1982, Smith and Wesson revolvers with modern, no pin hammers were becoming way more common place. I like that Todd went with this choice though, because those type of revolvers were more dangerous than the strictly hammer ones. Which adds to the character of the joker.

DIALOGUE: very good!

ACTING: Superb! Joquian is amazing in this film. The rest of the cast is very good as well, leading to a believable world where this guy, very well could be, the joker.

FX: just basic faux ballsistics. The stunt with Joker getting hit by the car is good. Very cringe when the taxi hits.

CONCLUSION: a few weird artistic stylings aside, this movie is interesting. I cannot say I am a fan of it, because I think an otherwise, I Am Sam like movie, looking at the hardships of a human being, is bogged down in the safety of calling him the joker, in order for this film to be commercially viable. It also forces filming redundant Batman orgin mythology in order to make sure it is a DC film. It’s a unique strategy, which worked, but really shouldn’t and what makes me like this film less than I otherwise might have, had Arthur been given more opportunities to take a different path to a resolution in his life, instead of being a murderer, which ultimately makes this film predictable. That said, objectively, it’s not a bad movie, just not as great as it could of been and one that definitely doesn’t need a sequel to it. I’m thankful for it unique premise, but not much else.

3 out of 5

Writing

Kageoween: Five Nights At Freddy’s Movie Review.

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INTRODUCTION: So I’ve never played the video games. I know very little about this series. My brother has played them and my sister played at least one, so that’s the extent of my knowledge of Five Nights At Freddy’s.I think that makes me the perfect guy to review this movie, since I have no vested interest in this franchise. So how was it?

PLOT: a security guard loses his mall job, to be hired to watch over a wish.com Chuckie Cheeses’, where there is more than just repurposed pizza to worry about.

CHARACTERS: Not bad. They took some care to develop the characters. I can’t say you care by the end, but you could be open to more of them in a sequel.

ACTING: Very good. No one is winning awards here, but they are all solid.

DIALOGUE: Good, nothing cringe

VISUALS: Excellent

FX: Very good.

MUSIC: Catchy, but not very memorable.

CONCLUSION: This movie does tension in a retro way and does it very well. Too bad the tension builds towards nothing of value in terms of scares. It’s hard to figure out the tone of the movie, given some times it’s comical, which I’m sure is unintentional, given the scene that produced it. Other times it seems like a family drama. It kinda lacks an identity and kinda success at both, whilst failing miserably. It’s not horrible, but it leaves more questions than answers. The big bad reveal fizzles like a scooby do ending. They don’t even really set up a sequel. Maybe I’m just to fuckin stupid to get what they are trying to achieve. The biggest takeaway was a couple of random Saw references. Maybe a sequel would do it justice.

2.5/5