Tag Archives: movie reviews

kageoween, Reviews, Writing

Kageoween: Hocus Pocus 2

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Introduction: I hated the first flick with a passion. I was born and grew up in Salem and remember when it was being made. I know and have seen all the local haunts in the flick. There was nothing more special about that flick than a million other movies before it. So was this worth a 29 year wait?

Synopsis: The witches are back. Thanks virgins!

Acting: very solid and on par with the first ones.

Dialogue: very good.

Characters: Slightly stock, albeit fun additions, be nice if they were better rounded.

Visuals: way better than the first, but the CGI sucked.

Subtext: None really, unless you want to get into some stuff about how these movies are very lesbian chic before it was cool.

Conclusion: This movie moves at a brisker pace than the original. It’s funnier than the original and in a lot of ways that actually improved things better the second time around. It’s darker in tone than the original, especially on one joke about eating a child’s face. Never mind the fact these versions don’t mess around. The worst part of this flick is how much of Sarah Jessica Parker’s legs seem to show in a kids movie. It’s nostalgic, while different. I actually enjoyed this one, unlike the original. Extra bonus points for the retro newspaper kiosk outside Walgreens.

3 out of 5 stars

Writing

Kageoween:Hellrasier 2022

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INTRO: Never been a fan of this series. I only ever liked the Pinheaded and the puzzle box. My favorite entry into this series was Hellrasier 3: Hell on Earth. So to say I had high hopes for this would be egregious overstatement. So how is it? Well I am reviewing it in the middle of watching it, for once.

SYNOPSIS: Uh, idiots find the rubric cube, we the lament configuration and hellarity ensues.

CHARACTERS: Shallow as fuck, stock idiot characters. All horrible characters, except for the gay brother, who cares for his junkie sister, but oh, fuck that character 20 mins in, says the director.

SFX/VISUAL: mediocre for Hollywood, good for HULU, but a YouTuber has probably done better.

SUBTEXT: None.

CONCLUSIONS: When compared to later iterations of the Hellrasier series, which became weird detective flicks, this movie seems like a step in the right direction. As a remake, it fails to live up to what made most people like the original, which was themes of BDSM, or some other bullshit. I honestly never noticed any of that, but people say they liked that, so if you’re one that liked that “subtext” then this isn’t for you. If you’re like me and only into this because Pinhead was awesome, this isn’t for you. If you want to see something that isn’t even unique like the 1987 movie, this movie isn’t for you. So who is this for? People that buy misfits shirts at Walmart and never even listened to the band. People who want to fit in and front about they saw a Hellrasier too. That’s who this is for.

1/5 stars

Movies, Non-fiction, Review, Writing

The Wrong Missy, David Spade Revival Theater

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INTRODUCTION

Well, it seems Netflix decided what the world needed after nearly two decades of absence was another David Spade flick. Oh joy!

CHARACTERS:
Shit! All the same BS these movies are known for, simple archetypes, if you can call them that.

ACTING:
None have ever been horrible actors, so, unlike this flick, its tolerable.

VISUALS:
Fantastic, which is more than I can say for the rest of the movie.

WRITING:
Shit! Fuckin’ stupid premise, horrible jokes, terrible story overall.

DIALOGUE:
Same as above

MUSIC:
None that I noticed.

SUBTEXT:
Devoid of it

CONCLUSION:
They couldn’t be bothered to make a movie, I can’t be bothered to do much of a review as I have said before. This piece of shit is unfunny. Happy Gilmore is nothing but a group of aging boomers that never grew up and the subject matter shows in this movie. I would say they are attempt to recapture their “glory years” but you would have to have had glory years for that to be true. It’s sad and pathetic group of people that are now stealing money from companies like Netflix, whom will see no fucking return, just to keep their dipshit friends employed within Hollywood. They’re not actors, they’re over glorified welfare recipients. David Spade sent his career to finally visit Chris Farley and after this outing, maybe he should consider doing the same.

0 out of 5 stars.

Fashionably Late Reviews, Movies, Reviews

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Solo-A Star Wars Story

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INTRODUCTION: This is it! The movie that killed all future Star Wars stories. What was wrong with it exactly? Depends on the side of the fence you’re on. Some thing it was too soon past The Last Jedi and other blame the forced politics of this one. Regardless, we’re going to look at this objectively.

SYNOPSIS: Han Solo’s origin story.

CHARACTERS: All the new characters are 100% rememorable. Not a single one is worthless. All are distinctive and add a different dimension to this film.

ACTING: Not a single worthless actor. Everyone was excellent in this. Playing Han was a big challenge and boy did Alden Ehrenreich live up to it.

FX:On point and amazing!

SUBTEXT: None! Don’t listen to the idiots who hate this, it isn’t pro feminishm. This idiots, who bullshit ramblings have higher diminishing returns than this movie need to shut up and go away. All the same things that have always been Star Wars are in this movie and a droid leading a rebellion to free other droids is not subtext, it’s old hat in this series.

CONCLUSION:
This movie doesn’t break from convention, but it doesn’t need too. While the story has a few inconsistencies with continuity, like Han being part of the empire for a while, which he fails to mention in any of the “Holy” trilogy, it is still fun and very much a Star Wars movie. I don’t care if any of these scenes are considered “iconic” as it was fun and given the firing of Lord and Miller during the zero hour and being able to still complete a fun film, that says a lot about the ability of these actors, filmmakers, writers and all the rest. I for one wouldn’t mind a sequel!


4 out of 5 stars

Kagemas, Movies, Reviews, Writing

Kagemas: All the Creatures Were Stirring

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INTRODUCTION: This was one for 1st Kagemas, but I guess I couldn’t have been bothered to write a review for it. Why? Well, read on.

SYNOPSIS: Couple go to movies where the play resembles stories about to be told.

ACTING: It’s acting, which is something that it indeed is.

VISUALS: Not bad. Shit movies have better budgets now a days.

TENSION: Only in the struggle to watch it.

MUSIC: it’s there. So that has to account for something, right?

FX: Better than 80’s movies, not that I hate old school FX.

DIALOGUE: People speak, so.

SUBTEXT: LOL

CONCLUSION: The very first story is the best, reminiscent of the 60’s Batman style. One would think the Joker was behind everything. This should have been turned into its own independent flick. After that, much like A Christmas Horror Story, they didn’t even try to make the stories interesting. If you’re looking for a good movie, this isn’t it. To be fair, I hate Anthologies even more than I hate Found footage flicks. Anthologies are usually lower brow than episodic TV and only just above Youtube videos. Dramas are slightly better, because they’re closer to movies in length and build. Movies are the height form of visual medium. I don’t watch many anthologies, but this isn’t a good one. Don’t waste your time.

1 ½ out of 5.

Movies, Reviews

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

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Introduction

I probably should have done a year ago, but decided to wait until the hype died down. This is all about Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Regardless of what you may have heard about this picture, it really isn’t what you think and that’s not the quote Luke Skywalker or I should say paraphrase. So we’re going to go right into it and see whether or not the Last Jedi is really as bad as I and other people thought it was upon first viewing.

Plot
Why can’t quite remember when it was set, I do know this clearly takes place a few years after the events of The Force Awakens. Rebellion is being chased down by the new Empire and basically it’s kind of a greatest hits of The Empire Strikes Back.

Characters
All the same characters from The Force Awakens are back and they introduce a couple of new characters, none of which are overly interesting. There is Rose Tico, who is a minor character and doesn’t really offer much outside of being a potential love interest for Finn. There is also General Holdo, which is played by Laura Dern, not a overly interesting character. The code breaker, a uninspired name, but basically a new Lando like character, played by Benicio del Toro, who was a lot of fun and I enjoy that character, but sadly the whole side quest to find him what’s a complete waste of a B storyline.

Acting
It could have been so much worse in terms of the acting but really it was fine.

Dialogue
Dialogue has some quirks but we’re used to this by now, because we seen Star Wars so often and the language has always been one of the biggest jokes about Star Wars. With the exception of a “your mama” joke at the beginning of the movie, it is still a Star Wars film and it’s nothing to really complain about.

Subtext
Regardless of which side you’re on in this debate, if you think it’s Pro female or if you think it’s all anti-male, you are wrong, those interpretations of both bullshit. The film is really shallow of subtext and I don’t find any.

Conclusion
The Last Jedi is a flawed film, but still not the worst movie to have ever been put to celluloid. It has its moments of enjoyment and some weird things, none of which are really new to Star Wars Universe in my mind, they just seen fresh because of the way Rian Johnson did them. The hatred for this film is way too overblown and fanboys have become so nit-picky over the last 20 years, that ultimately they’ll hate everything put to the screen. While I’m not particularly a huge fan of this installment, I recognize that the film is not really as bad as I initially thought in apoun three different viewings, has it’s moments. Particularly, I really like seeing Yoda as a force ghost, it’s too bad they couldn’t bring back Ewan McGregor as well as Anakin Skywalker himself, who could have helped Luke in that particular scene. Still, I might go see episode 9, regardless of if I do or don’t, this film is not to blame, as it’s just another OK film in the franchise.

3 1/2 stars out of 5.