Tag Archives: movie reviews

The Wrong Missy, David Spade Revival Theater

INTRODUCTION

Well, it seems Netflix decided what the world needed after nearly two decades of absence was another David Spade flick. Oh joy!

CHARACTERS:
Shit! All the same BS these movies are known for, simple archetypes, if you can call them that.

ACTING:
None have ever been horrible actors, so, unlike this flick, its tolerable.

VISUALS:
Fantastic, which is more than I can say for the rest of the movie.

WRITING:
Shit! Fuckin’ stupid premise, horrible jokes, terrible story overall.

DIALOGUE:
Same as above

MUSIC:
None that I noticed.

SUBTEXT:
Devoid of it

CONCLUSION:
They couldn’t be bothered to make a movie, I can’t be bothered to do much of a review as I have said before. This piece of shit is unfunny. Happy Gilmore is nothing but a group of aging boomers that never grew up and the subject matter shows in this movie. I would say they are attempt to recapture their “glory years” but you would have to have had glory years for that to be true. It’s sad and pathetic group of people that are now stealing money from companies like Netflix, whom will see no fucking return, just to keep their dipshit friends employed within Hollywood. They’re not actors, they’re over glorified welfare recipients. David Spade sent his career to finally visit Chris Farley and after this outing, maybe he should consider doing the same.

0 out of 5 stars.

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Solo-A Star Wars Story

INTRODUCTION: This is it! The movie that killed all future Star Wars stories. What was wrong with it exactly? Depends on the side of the fence you’re on. Some thing it was too soon past The Last Jedi and other blame the forced politics of this one. Regardless, we’re going to look at this objectively.

SYNOPSIS: Han Solo’s origin story.

CHARACTERS: All the new characters are 100% rememorable. Not a single one is worthless. All are distinctive and add a different dimension to this film.

ACTING: Not a single worthless actor. Everyone was excellent in this. Playing Han was a big challenge and boy did Alden Ehrenreich live up to it.

FX:On point and amazing!

SUBTEXT: None! Don’t listen to the idiots who hate this, it isn’t pro feminishm. This idiots, who bullshit ramblings have higher diminishing returns than this movie need to shut up and go away. All the same things that have always been Star Wars are in this movie and a droid leading a rebellion to free other droids is not subtext, it’s old hat in this series.

CONCLUSION:
This movie doesn’t break from convention, but it doesn’t need too. While the story has a few inconsistencies with continuity, like Han being part of the empire for a while, which he fails to mention in any of the “Holy” trilogy, it is still fun and very much a Star Wars movie. I don’t care if any of these scenes are considered “iconic” as it was fun and given the firing of Lord and Miller during the zero hour and being able to still complete a fun film, that says a lot about the ability of these actors, filmmakers, writers and all the rest. I for one wouldn’t mind a sequel!


4 out of 5 stars

Kagemas: All the Creatures Were Stirring

INTRODUCTION: This was one for 1st Kagemas, but I guess I couldn’t have been bothered to write a review for it. Why? Well, read on.

SYNOPSIS: Couple go to movies where the play resembles stories about to be told.

ACTING: It’s acting, which is something that it indeed is.

VISUALS: Not bad. Shit movies have better budgets now a days.

TENSION: Only in the struggle to watch it.

MUSIC: it’s there. So that has to account for something, right?

FX: Better than 80’s movies, not that I hate old school FX.

DIALOGUE: People speak, so.

SUBTEXT: LOL

CONCLUSION: The very first story is the best, reminiscent of the 60’s Batman style. One would think the Joker was behind everything. This should have been turned into its own independent flick. After that, much like A Christmas Horror Story, they didn’t even try to make the stories interesting. If you’re looking for a good movie, this isn’t it. To be fair, I hate Anthologies even more than I hate Found footage flicks. Anthologies are usually lower brow than episodic TV and only just above Youtube videos. Dramas are slightly better, because they’re closer to movies in length and build. Movies are the height form of visual medium. I don’t watch many anthologies, but this isn’t a good one. Don’t waste your time.

1 ½ out of 5.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

Introduction

I probably should have done a year ago, but decided to wait until the hype died down. This is all about Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Regardless of what you may have heard about this picture, it really isn’t what you think and that’s not the quote Luke Skywalker or I should say paraphrase. So we’re going to go right into it and see whether or not the Last Jedi is really as bad as I and other people thought it was upon first viewing.

Plot
Why can’t quite remember when it was set, I do know this clearly takes place a few years after the events of The Force Awakens. Rebellion is being chased down by the new Empire and basically it’s kind of a greatest hits of The Empire Strikes Back.

Characters
All the same characters from The Force Awakens are back and they introduce a couple of new characters, none of which are overly interesting. There is Rose Tico, who is a minor character and doesn’t really offer much outside of being a potential love interest for Finn. There is also General Holdo, which is played by Laura Dern, not a overly interesting character. The code breaker, a uninspired name, but basically a new Lando like character, played by Benicio del Toro, who was a lot of fun and I enjoy that character, but sadly the whole side quest to find him what’s a complete waste of a B storyline.

Acting
It could have been so much worse in terms of the acting but really it was fine.

Dialogue
Dialogue has some quirks but we’re used to this by now, because we seen Star Wars so often and the language has always been one of the biggest jokes about Star Wars. With the exception of a “your mama” joke at the beginning of the movie, it is still a Star Wars film and it’s nothing to really complain about.

Subtext
Regardless of which side you’re on in this debate, if you think it’s Pro female or if you think it’s all anti-male, you are wrong, those interpretations of both bullshit. The film is really shallow of subtext and I don’t find any.

Conclusion
The Last Jedi is a flawed film, but still not the worst movie to have ever been put to celluloid. It has its moments of enjoyment and some weird things, none of which are really new to Star Wars Universe in my mind, they just seen fresh because of the way Rian Johnson did them. The hatred for this film is way too overblown and fanboys have become so nit-picky over the last 20 years, that ultimately they’ll hate everything put to the screen. While I’m not particularly a huge fan of this installment, I recognize that the film is not really as bad as I initially thought in apoun three different viewings, has it’s moments. Particularly, I really like seeing Yoda as a force ghost, it’s too bad they couldn’t bring back Ewan McGregor as well as Anakin Skywalker himself, who could have helped Luke in that particular scene. Still, I might go see episode 9, regardless of if I do or don’t, this film is not to blame, as it’s just another OK film in the franchise.

3 1/2 stars out of 5.

Kageoween: American Psycho Movie Review

INTRODUCTION

     This movie came out two days after my 14th birthday and I can recall wanting to go see it. I didn’t get the chance to and ended up ordering it on PPV months later. My first impression was about how much I loathed the flick and how slow it was. I like dark comedy, but this was devoid of humor. What was funny about it? The pacing was wrong, the acting atrocious and it was devoid of any story whatsoever. It was, in my mind, how not to do a slasher flick.
Well, having just re-watched it for the first time since the year 2000, the question of, does it hold up and is it ultimately better than I remember needs to be answered.

STORY
     Same basic story as the novel. Young yuppie, wallstreet cunt, does too much cocaine, desires to fit in and does a bunch of boring, mundane things, like rent porn, exercise, have random outburst over shitty business cards that anyone but him would find virtually impossible to tell apart from one another, fuck prostitutes and oh yeah, he moonlights as a killer.

ACTING
     The acting is still fucking atrocious. I’ve seen better acting on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood than this snooze fest of a flick. It is one of the few movies where the leads are upstaged by minor characters, proving the age old adage of “there are no small roles, just small actors” correct. A lot of people praised Christian Bale as nailing the role of Patrick Bateman, but compared to his roles in other movies, he really seems to have no fucking clue what the hell he is doing in this flick. The only person worse, is Jared Leto. Thank fuckin’ God that both of them finally learned to act, but this isn’t the film that would showcase their talents.

VISUALS
     The visuals suck and don’t hold up. The lighting is poor, the sound quality on the Amazon prime version was complete shit. Is that a fuckin 90’s Glock in his hand towards the end? What the fuck? Then again, how could you tell, almost all Glocks look alike, which I think is the overly subtle joke, that few people will understand, that just like all the people are alike, so too are the inanimate objects. Besides that, there was a few, seemingly, era inaccurate aspects, which I won’t waste my time point out them all, because there isn’t a point to it. Other than that, there isn’t much to say other than that there are 80’s B-movies on VHS that look better than this eyesore.

CONCLUSION
     What is there to say about this movie, after nearly 20 years? It doesn’t hold up is what I have to say and it never did. The failure on the director’s part to seemingly make it like every other shallow, shitty, slasher flick, as if the movie itself was trying to fit in, is also lost on the audience, because of how Hollywood operates. Hollywood doesn’t like to mock itself often and few films, short of Scream, could has pulled off a feat so well. It fails overall and if you have to explain the joke, it isn’t funny. Oh sure, it has some very iconic scenes for any horror movie, from chasing the hooker down with a chain saw, to the ATM saying to “feed it a stray cat” and the Huey Lewis and the news ax scene, to name a few. Yet everything that was enjoyable about the book, is lost in translation in the film. Bateman is too one dimensional in the flick. I know that’s the point, superficial, charming, typical serial killer, yet so mundane and typical. How Bale played Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins is exactly how I expected Bateman to be played, which makes more sense, since Batemen was a metaphor for how Bret Easton Ellis felt during this time, the conformity and loathing within oneself lost here and would of added some depth. Another problem is that, they, the director, chose for us that Bateman is indeed, a serial killer and was supposed to have actually committed murder. In my mind, that was piss poorly done, since I left the movie, twice, thinking he was just making the shit up and still unreliable. The movie is way too long, with no clear intention of story and worst yet, it is unfunny as fuck. For a black comedy, I would have recommended adding some humor into it, besides “Feed me stray cat”.

     The movie is, has and never will be for me, but perhaps I will watch it again in another 20 years and see what I think then, but my teenage self and thirty something self absolutely agree, that this shit sucks!

1 star out of 5