I know I’ll catch a bit of shit for this, but I have a valid reason for it.

You won’t always find your partner attractive and that’s normal and natural. It’s how you engage and act after thinking that, that really matters and here is why.

So, we’re evolutionary prone to stay away from things that hurt us. Disease, being one of the major things. You’re learned from Covid that quarantines sometimes work. We learned this in childhood when our parents had us stay in our bedrooms to prevent other family members from getting sick.

What’s one way our parents or friends noticed. “You don’t look so good” is normally what is said, or something similar to this.

So even though your partner isn’t Family by blood, unless you’re from Kentucky, they’re still a loved one. Especially when you have kids involved.

So it’s more than permissible to find your partner to be unattractive from time to time. Especially when they’re sick. It’s a natural trait of human empathy to want to see the sick in an unflattering light, ironic though it may be.

Think of the novel Lolita. Humbert makes poor Delores put out, even when she’s sick. A human being cares for their partner and puts them first. They’re more than just a vagina or dick.

Thinking your partner to be unattractive actually presents you in a flattering way, instead of narrasstic. however, like above, tactful presentation is key.

Think of the 2008 campaign trail where John McCain got shit on for leaving his first wife with cancer and rightfully so. That’s a rather poor way of going about it. I know it’s easy for me to say, given the whole I’ve been single for years, however being a serial monogamist gives you no more special knowledge than a dude that set out being a CAD.

However, much like your partner and you, this is not about one single individual, rather it’s about the idea behind being selfless in selfishness. Oxymoronically though it may be, there can be far less conceit in selfishness than selflessness.

I’ve pointed out before that a child between two people act as a blood bond, a sacrament and as such, makes your partner equal to family.

However, since you’re not genuinely blood, there isn’t the same need to stay with said partner in today’s day and age. However, you both develop independent needs to protect said child or children. That’s a selfish concept. You give your kids what you can, because it pleases you, the individual to give to them. Like with all things in life, context is key to understanding.

This brings me back to the topic at hand, which is to say that finding your partner unattractive may seem selfish in the sense people try to tie the word to anything negative, however, wouldn’t you be better off acknowledging that feeling instead of being insecure that it makes you seem negative? What’s more selfish in that regard?

I’m against morality as a concept, because I see it as childish. However, I do believe in right from wrong and that we have 4 biological imperatives. The 4th is the most no shit Sherlock thing ever, I almost never include it and leave it to the three major ones. Don’t rape, don’t steal, don’t kill and the 4th is don’t incest.

Finding your partner ugly doesn’t count as one of the major four, so it’s regaled to basic right from wrong. It’s never wrong to think things through. Bad thoughts are not tantamount to bad actions.

It’s good to have a fantasy outside of your partner for instance. Porn is good for giving you an ethical “cheat card” to think of someone that isn’t your partner as an option. cheating would be the worse option.

Thinking your partner unattractive is the same as the above.

Remember, sometimes love requires asymmetrical trains of thought. It’s not criminal to find your wife or girlfriend unattractive from time to time, it is however horrible to dump them for not living up to a bullshit standard you can’t even live up to 24 hours a day.

Stay metal 🤘