Tag Archives: relationships

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Why it’s ok to think your partner is ugly.

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I know I’ll catch a bit of shit for this, but I have a valid reason for it.

You won’t always find your partner attractive and that’s normal and natural. It’s how you engage and act after thinking that, that really matters and here is why.

So, we’re evolutionary prone to stay away from things that hurt us. Disease, being one of the major things. You’re learned from Covid that quarantines sometimes work. We learned this in childhood when our parents had us stay in our bedrooms to prevent other family members from getting sick.

What’s one way our parents or friends noticed. “You don’t look so good” is normally what is said, or something similar to this.

So even though your partner isn’t Family by blood, unless you’re from Kentucky, they’re still a loved one. Especially when you have kids involved.

So it’s more than permissible to find your partner to be unattractive from time to time. Especially when they’re sick. It’s a natural trait of human empathy to want to see the sick in an unflattering light, ironic though it may be.

Think of the novel Lolita. Humbert makes poor Delores put out, even when she’s sick. A human being cares for their partner and puts them first. They’re more than just a vagina or dick.

Thinking your partner to be unattractive actually presents you in a flattering way, instead of narrasstic. however, like above, tactful presentation is key.

Think of the 2008 campaign trail where John McCain got shit on for leaving his first wife with cancer and rightfully so. That’s a rather poor way of going about it. I know it’s easy for me to say, given the whole I’ve been single for years, however being a serial monogamist gives you no more special knowledge than a dude that set out being a CAD.

However, much like your partner and you, this is not about one single individual, rather it’s about the idea behind being selfless in selfishness. Oxymoronically though it may be, there can be far less conceit in selfishness than selflessness.

I’ve pointed out before that a child between two people act as a blood bond, a sacrament and as such, makes your partner equal to family.

However, since you’re not genuinely blood, there isn’t the same need to stay with said partner in today’s day and age. However, you both develop independent needs to protect said child or children. That’s a selfish concept. You give your kids what you can, because it pleases you, the individual to give to them. Like with all things in life, context is key to understanding.

This brings me back to the topic at hand, which is to say that finding your partner unattractive may seem selfish in the sense people try to tie the word to anything negative, however, wouldn’t you be better off acknowledging that feeling instead of being insecure that it makes you seem negative? What’s more selfish in that regard?

I’m against morality as a concept, because I see it as childish. However, I do believe in right from wrong and that we have 4 biological imperatives. The 4th is the most no shit Sherlock thing ever, I almost never include it and leave it to the three major ones. Don’t rape, don’t steal, don’t kill and the 4th is don’t incest.

Finding your partner ugly doesn’t count as one of the major four, so it’s regaled to basic right from wrong. It’s never wrong to think things through. Bad thoughts are not tantamount to bad actions.

It’s good to have a fantasy outside of your partner for instance. Porn is good for giving you an ethical “cheat card” to think of someone that isn’t your partner as an option. cheating would be the worse option.

Thinking your partner unattractive is the same as the above.

Remember, sometimes love requires asymmetrical trains of thought. It’s not criminal to find your wife or girlfriend unattractive from time to time, it is however horrible to dump them for not living up to a bullshit standard you can’t even live up to 24 hours a day.

Stay metal 🤘

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How to be productive in relationships, a guide.

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Men and woman view relationships differently. A woman puts more stock into them, a man doesn’t. Men have historically been simpler than woman. However, leave it to idiotic millennials to fuck this paradigm up. So you heard of mansplain. Well now there is man keeping. Except man keeping isn’t unique to just men, it’s females that do it too.

Mankeeping is defined as a lopsided relationship trope where one partner is shouldering the emotions of another, without it being a two way street. Except men have delt with this bullshit way longer than woman.

My longest relationship, not a dating one, was about 30 years long. My girlfriend from when I was 12. We both met in preschool in the 80s and we stayed friends off and on through, due to moving around, for 30 years. It finally fell apart because she went back to doing annoying shit that I didn’t like about her in middle school. I also knew her sister for equally as long.

My next several relationships, non romantic, are two years away from turn 20. I met them in a MySpace chat, one on FB and I’ve been on good terms with most of them ever since. My bestie being the strongest relationship because we had the ability to grow it more. One friend of mine is from England so obviously we had just the internet and another of mine lived in the sticks that you couldn’t get to and now resides in the south.

After that, most of my friendships lasted about 10 years, like one male friend of mine from kindergarten that lasted up until I moved to NH.

Anything less than 5 years has been a rarity for me.

In all that time I have learned one thing and that is that why friendships are great, they’re not the end all be all. I was good in life without my friends and I would still be fine even if we never met and that is because the first rule of any relationship is a healthy sense of self. You have a whole life outside of your friends that includes family too. Without this foundation, your relationships will crumble.

The second most important thing in a relationship is setting it up as is and being as open about everything you can up front. You’re setting the tone for however long this thing lasts. Be honest and real. Too many bitches out there fronting as is.

Another way of framing this is the 1960s Batman show. If you seen it, it’s on Netflix if you haven’t or YouTube, a running gag through out the show was that Batman always had the right tool and the right time, but unlike James Bond that has Q to set up the gadgets, aka foreshadowing, it’s hokey. So if you’re a ballbust be that, if you’re in need of emotional support, be that.

The third part is that all relationships are two way streets. It requires both to be there for one another, not parasitic. Millennials have made all relationships woefully inadequate. They’re about as good at it as their idiotic boomer parents. They think they’re liked because enough people placate their ego, but the reality is that if pushed, not a single one of those people will be there for them.

The lopsided aspect has things in common with NPD. I know I’ve spoken of things like this is the past and I’m working on a bigger, overall peice in it. However, no relationship can be one way.

The reason i liken it to NPD is that, they often exhibit great deals of dejection from quasi hurtful things. Things that are so mirco no one would take your dejection seriously.

Take this example for instance. Back in the 90s I was checked for cancer in Boston. Thankfully I didn’t have it. However, this negatively impacted both of my parents, both were dejected and both worked towards supporting one another. That’s why you expect from a partnership, especially when things impact the both of you. Same when things happened to my siblings. This guy isn’t what we’re seeing with millennials. They act like things only affect them and not their entire families. There is a non medical term I like to use for these people and that’s “loser.” And we all know, as the onion points out, depression hits losers the hardest.

Communicate with your friends and partners. This is another important role in keeping relationships going. without it, everything is going to hell and millennials suck at this. It’s almost impossible to communicate with them when they’re not in your life, never mind when they are.

Which leads me to my final aspect, emotional intelligence. Read their body language and understand them. Like one time my bestie and I had a misunderstanding when I made a joke. Normally she takes it well, but not that night. Even though I knew it was more likely all the other bullshit in her life that made my joke seem worse that day, I had to man up and apologize because that was indeed my bad. I saw her body language was in dejected mode and worked towards keeping us on track. If the relationship is worth having, it’s worth sollowing your pride for.

Thankfully most Gen Zers I meet understand these and at quite young ages. People my age could learn a great deal from them.

So let’s recap as to how to start having better relationships.

  1. Sense of self
  2. Laying it all on the table
  3. Reciprocity / mutualism
  4. Communication
  5. Emotional intelligence

Working towards getting these basic elements down will result in better and stronger bonds.

Stay Metal🤘

Writing

Valentine’s Day 2023 Editorial.

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Now, I make it no secret that I find Valentine’s Day to be one of the worst holidays ever. In fact, the last time I posted on VD day was back in 2014. A decade since and I find it fitting to do another post.

Now I’m not one to moralize. I believe that humans are born of biological imperatives that make us who we are. When you lack the objective criteria, we refer to this as ASPD or sometimes Psychopathy and Sociopathic tendencies. A majority of humans should, ideally, be normal but as I pointed out in my essay on millennials, this is not the case. Boomers are just as bad, but a majority of my ire centers on millennials because I was born in 1986. Fact of the matter, the average millennial “personality” is a personality disorder. Refer to my essay on millennials to read more the sociopathic tendencies.

Now, given en the sorry state the world is in, I’m going to discuss something that seems weird for someone that has been an atheist since about middle school and that is Jesus. I know, right? Here we go!

Plasm 51 is the corner stone of atheism. Outside of just does God exist or not. If it was mearly about God, people would not have arguments focused on just Christianity. Sexual immorality is a major theme on both side and when it comes to palsm 51 and original sin, It’s entirely misconstrued. Here is the misleading excerpt.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Now, I can understand that at first glance, where one could think of original sin as sexual relations, given that it’s about being sinful in the womb, but that’s not what it really means. What it is saying is that humans are born with a sin in the very least. They’re are at least 7 that humans are prone to. The other problem with atheists is that they do not seem to understand that Plasms is a world for religious song. This is the equivalent of taking Black Sabbaths Iron Man at face value. In other words, It’s absurd.

The seven deadly sins are so called because each ones is excessive. All of them exceeded the natural order of normal. Lust is excessive sexual desire. Greed is excessive need for money or material. Wrath is excessive anger where it need not be. Gluttony is excessive indulgence past need. Sloth is being lazier than normal. Envy is excessive jealousy and Pride is excessive egocentrism, aka narcissist personality disorder.

The reason I am getting this out of the way before I get into the meat of this editorial is because an understanding of a majority of western values is, for better or worse, steeped in Christianity and inextricably a part of our culture. A single misunderstanding can be a major downfall of a people and I believe we are at that downfall.

Today, a lot of people will be engaging in the love of being in a relationship and with that comes sexual partners. As I pointed out, sexual relationships are a normal function of humans and it is not in and of itself immoral. Immoral is a lack of foresight for the consequences that could come from Valentine’s Day. Really, any day for that matter, but today it is perhaps more so than ever. Sexual relationships should be more than just, I came and maybe have to worry about an STI if I didn’t use a condom. It’s the innumerable children that by November, will be born out of Wedlock. Worse yet, born of a union that is comprised primarily of lust, resulting in keeping a partner around, just for the kids sake. A child without love is no different than a designer hand bag. Studies show that kids do better when both parents are together. Peer bonding exist. Fatherless/motherless kids grow up to have worse relationships, possibly even becoming sociopaths in the long run. That is just a small sample of the science on it. Regardless, Every child deserves two loving parents to help raise them to for fill their purpose in this life. As one would say to drink responsibly, so to should today be about fucking responsibly.

Now, I’m not judging anyone for their life choices here. I have no kids and I have never been married. The only relationship I ever had was at 12 and you can’t really call that a relationship, perhaps. Yet even I can tell that the world and its ways are in the shitter majorly. We’re potentially on the cusp of world war 3 for fucks sake. Something has to give when it comes to a hypno-moralistic society and it’s inability to form connections with one another and the earliest relationships we form are with family and friends. This is why starting with Valentine’s Day we should be hyper cognitive of the consequences of sexual irresponsibility. In my mind, sexual immorality should be referred to as sexual responsibility. It makes it easier to understand and since a lot of the USA’s sexual hang ups hinge on a misunderstanding of biblical text, I see it as a imperative to correctly interpret its text. As pointed out above Science, after all, continues to make the Bible more and more relevant than ever before. We owe it to the future of our nation to ensure a bright start and a clear path to prosperity. One of the biggest problems with sex, is the lingering atmosphere of the Old Testament. I’m not old enough to have grown up in a world where Christianity focused heavily on this, rather my understanding of the Old Testament was that it was the original covenant between the Jewish people and God. It lays out creation and how moral a person ought to be. While most people want to remember the Old Testament and liviticus for saying not to fuck dudes in the ass, the same text forbids beastiality and incest. It never said “tho shalt not fuck the hottie at the grocery store.” I hardly could call the book immoral at that point as many atheists have. One look at porn hub makes a return to the Old Testament seem very reasonable and relevant. I mean, the Old Testament is part of the Jewish faith and the scorn on it could constitute antisemitism as far as I am concerned. Never mind the lack of irony in preaching humanism, which is just Christianity with no God or Jesus. I’m not saying everyone should run to church on a Sunday, rather we need to rewind a bit to delve deeper into the problems of the world and if the Bible was the problem, then a reexamination should be on the table, but in context, as opposed to informal refutation of general, non biblical bric a brac. Otherwise we may doom another generation to sexual hang ups of the previous generations. The modern atheist movement may have extracted God from everyday life, but it didn’t cure the problem. It only exacerbated it! Science knows the first 5 years of a child’s life is most crucial to their development and it is probably no coincidence that peer bonding last about that long. Children are a covalent of love between two people that are not related and makes them bonded as family. This is why, again, we must relook at the causality of why humanity seems to be unable to forge basic relationships. It’s not pornography, nor television, nor even the Bible that, in my mind, is really the problem. A study showed rats, when malnourished for connection, became addicted to drugs or used them more than usual. Rats, last I knew, don’t have a religion.

Maybe the reason a relationship with Jesus was so historically important was because of the fact, regardless of his existence, the hypothetical nature of such, helped as any other aid a child might use to grow as a person?

Once again, I’m not calling for everyone to rush back to church. Rather, I am saying, maybe Valentine’s Day needs to be revered than it has in the past. Perhaps, like a religious holiday, we used it to examine ourselves and relationship building within our society. Something has to give as far as I am concerned and if that means advocating for Jesus, so to speak, given its tradition in society, perhaps that isn’t such a horrible thing.

In conclusion, the world needs to better focus on its relationships and responsibilities to themselves and our fellow man and I cannot think of a better day than today to discuss a return to a more positive world. If we don’t do something soon, there may not be a world left. So even if we look at the Bible as philosophical, isn’t it worth keeping around, since it’s core tenets are not just reasonable, but still highly relevant?

I leave you with John 3:16 as a parting thought.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Happy Valentine’s 2023.

Edit:1:18pm 02/14/23 major extrapolations and revisions to the text.