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Is It Time To Eat Crow? My opinion of modern iPhones.

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One of the very first smartphones I had was the original Iphone. My mother got it as part of a family plan in 07-08. I was still using old 90s cellphones up until 2010. You know, grey brick with no more than text. With the exception of the Razr phone. The red one that saw Bono helping aids patient or whatever a pre live 8 world had going for it? People actually listened to musicians like their opinions mattered and iPhone using shillottes in commercials. I digress.

Anyways, She let me try one of the iPhones. It was a pretty good phone, but flawed. For one, you had to convert film files to edit in windows movie maker. Still my preferred editing experience, but that wasn’t the only major obstacle. Still it was the best in its time frame and much like VHS vs Beta max or DVD, you used what one could get at the time.

I never liked Apple to be honest. My family’s first CPU in 1994 was a Macintosh. Didn’t like that the schools got those crappy technicolors Apples in the mid 90s to early 00s. Always said Apple felt like a computer made for left handed people. Very unintuitive. I also never liked Apple’s local, toxic, lock you into their brand, bullshit.. Apple in my mind was technology made for technology illiterate people. You didn’t have to know anything about technology to use it. Need I mention that I got my first iPod in 2007 and didn’t use it until 2014. If that doesn’t say I hate Apple, I don’t know what will

Post I phone, my friend mentioned androids and how they are basically like Windows of phones. I switched and Android ended up winning me over for a good long while and I would not trust or use an Apple product since.

It’s 2022, Covid stimulus went out. I need a new phone as I’m tired of using my sister’s old phones that she gives me, since she trades up more often than I would and as a waste not, want not type of cheap bastard that I am, I’m all too happy to recycle, since all I need it for is job interviews and net surfing or using Duolingo. So Boost puts out the IPhone SE 2020 edition for free. Woha! An Apple for free? Either Apple is dying post Steve Jobs or there was a catch. No catch, whatsoever. What I got was an amazing phone that allowed me to do one thing I had been aching to do for years, which was shoot video in 24FPS and on top of that, in 4k. Finally technology was catching up to me and what, in my 20s, myself and my brother spent too much money one to get nothing out of it, that was filming gear.

So for the first time since I tried the original iPhone, what, 15 or so years earlier., Apple actually improved their game and most likely thanks to Android for that. Android’s are now mostly garbage that comes with too much bloatware, crippling little gigabytes and horrible support. Apple did a 360 and won me over. It’s now a pleasure to have one and not an idiot millennial trendy kink that they try to force you into. While I don’t have the version of the phone I want, and even though I’m making do with this one, It’s still a damn near prefect phone. If you’re an Apple hater like I was, you might find yourself wondering if it’s worth another look over. Yes it is! I’m more willing to try other Apple products as well. Good on them!

5 out of 5 stars.

-sent from my iPhone 15.

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Kagegiving: The Batman, 2022, review

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Apparently Matt Reeves cast both Obama and The Nostalgia Critic as Joker gang members.

INTRODUCTION: When The Batman was first announced, I was excited. That was until they cast the fuckin Twilight twink as my favorite superhero. Wait! Batman doesn’t fuckin sparkle, I thought to myself and immediately posted an unnecessary tweet about how Robert Pattinson wasn’t MY Batman, like a petulant never -trumper. Unfortunately for me, much like the aforementioned never trumpers, he WAS my Batman for the foreseeable future, because the WB said so. Not too long after filming got underway, Covid hit, stopping this movie dead in its tracks. The WB might not care, but were the fates or fabled movie Gods on my side? Sadly not, since I’m writing this review. So is this something to be thankful for?

PLOT: ugh! It’s an orgin story for the trillionth time, but this time it’s year 3 or some bullshit, instead of year one, with a stupid fuckin Nivarina song, instead of Seal. How fuckin original Mr. Reeves.

CHARACTERS: it’s Batman, we have seen them to death. At this point, we cannot care about character development from one singular Batman film, since there is a wealth of development for all these characters, spanning nearly a century.

STYLE: Very gritty. Dark and you know, Nolan like. Never seen that before! /sarcasm

ACTING: When Heath Ledger was first announced in The Dark Knight, much like the sparkling champagne, er, vampire, I was revulsed. The guy from 10 things I hate about you? Groan! I was wrong and Heath gave a killer performance. Was this to be true here as well? Well, in part. You see Mr. Pattinson is a shitty Bruce Wayne and looks way too old for a Batman in his beginnings, but as for Batman? Well, he fuckin nailed it! Sure the weird internal monologue at the beginning made Batman seem like a psychopath, but by the end, Batman gets character arch, something he never had, and was much needed.

Paul Dano, a mostly forgotten, but decent actor, makes for a truly frightening foe to Batman. Riddler wasn’t just another Joker, he’s a incel madman. Only thing is, they put a tad too much Heath Ledger joker references into him, such as the viral video and the obsession with Batman. Otherwise, fantastic.

Collin Ferrel was at his best in this movie. He really seemed like an actor for once and was entirely lost in The Penguin.

Every one else was on point as well.

MUSIC: very fitting, minus the stupid fucking Nivarina song.

FX: Very good.

CONCLUSION: I may have been reticent in the beginning, but this movie won me over. It even almost made me cry, with the whole Alfred in the hospital thing. I had a few nitpicks, but those are not worth mentioning by the end. Batman essentially loses to The Riddler in part and main characters can be injured. Keeping me on the edge of my seat though the entire flick. For a movie that I had no clue as to which audience this would be for, given the Nolan Trilogy was so fresh in people’s minds, creating a new series was hardly called for, nor would one want to try and idiotically, I might add, step into a great man’s shoes. As it turns out, this is the Batman we deserve, even if we didn’t need it.

4.7 out of 5

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Kagegiving: Joker, 2019, movie review

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INTRODUCTION: This movie came out in 2019, as the most unique concept in movie history, but also very popularizing to audiences that thought this type of movie might embolden incels to mass violence, ala the Auroa, Co incident. That, thankfully, never happened. What we did end up with is a movie that is getting a sequel soon and so I decided to finally give this film a go. So is it something to be thankful for?

PLOT: A young man with NPD and a laugh condition, struggles to fit into a 1970s-1980s era world, then eventually becomes the joker.

MUSIC: Catchy retro tunes.

CHARACTERS: Arthur Fleck is the most remarkable and remembered of all the characters. The rest kinda exist and are not as well developed.

VISUALS: Stunning! I’ve seen enough retro movies to know that Todd Phillips nailed the style he was going for. It’s retro, but not tacky. Every thing, including the typewriter print, was so painfully accurate. The most non authentic part of this movie, I would argue, was the revolver. It had a pin on the hammer. While it never says what year the movie actually is, I suspect it’s between 1977-1982, Smith and Wesson revolvers with modern, no pin hammers were becoming way more common place. I like that Todd went with this choice though, because those type of revolvers were more dangerous than the strictly hammer ones. Which adds to the character of the joker.

DIALOGUE: very good!

ACTING: Superb! Joquian is amazing in this film. The rest of the cast is very good as well, leading to a believable world where this guy, very well could be, the joker.

FX: just basic faux ballsistics. The stunt with Joker getting hit by the car is good. Very cringe when the taxi hits.

CONCLUSION: a few weird artistic stylings aside, this movie is interesting. I cannot say I am a fan of it, because I think an otherwise, I Am Sam like movie, looking at the hardships of a human being, is bogged down in the safety of calling him the joker, in order for this film to be commercially viable. It also forces filming redundant Batman orgin mythology in order to make sure it is a DC film. It’s a unique strategy, which worked, but really shouldn’t and what makes me like this film less than I otherwise might have, had Arthur been given more opportunities to take a different path to a resolution in his life, instead of being a murderer, which ultimately makes this film predictable. That said, objectively, it’s not a bad movie, just not as great as it could of been and one that definitely doesn’t need a sequel to it. I’m thankful for it unique premise, but not much else.

3 out of 5

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Kageoween: Five Nights At Freddy’s Movie Review.

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INTRODUCTION: So I’ve never played the video games. I know very little about this series. My brother has played them and my sister played at least one, so that’s the extent of my knowledge of Five Nights At Freddy’s.I think that makes me the perfect guy to review this movie, since I have no vested interest in this franchise. So how was it?

PLOT: a security guard loses his mall job, to be hired to watch over a wish.com Chuckie Cheeses’, where there is more than just repurposed pizza to worry about.

CHARACTERS: Not bad. They took some care to develop the characters. I can’t say you care by the end, but you could be open to more of them in a sequel.

ACTING: Very good. No one is winning awards here, but they are all solid.

DIALOGUE: Good, nothing cringe

VISUALS: Excellent

FX: Very good.

MUSIC: Catchy, but not very memorable.

CONCLUSION: This movie does tension in a retro way and does it very well. Too bad the tension builds towards nothing of value in terms of scares. It’s hard to figure out the tone of the movie, given some times it’s comical, which I’m sure is unintentional, given the scene that produced it. Other times it seems like a family drama. It kinda lacks an identity and kinda success at both, whilst failing miserably. It’s not horrible, but it leaves more questions than answers. The big bad reveal fizzles like a scooby do ending. They don’t even really set up a sequel. Maybe I’m just to fuckin stupid to get what they are trying to achieve. The biggest takeaway was a couple of random Saw references. Maybe a sequel would do it justice.

2.5/5

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Kageoween: The Thing, 1982, movie review.

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INTRODUCTION: As I stated in my previous review, 2023 seems to be the year of John Carpenter. Sadly, the same could not be said, 41 years earlier, when Mr. Carpenter released The Thing to cinemas. So how good is this movie?

PLOT: A group of scientists fight a Ailen. No, you’re it wrong, that is the plot to Ailen (1979) as well.

CHARACTERS: Not bad. I mean, the star studded cast makes up for weak character development. These dudes are basically hibernating alcoholics, that already seem depressed as fuck, making the “threat” seem like a mercy killing. A tad bit more, upbeat characters and some banter between them, that suggests they’re at least friendly would of been nice. Not in this film though.

ACTING: Excellent! They all do a great job here. Granted it isn’t award winning, but given the material they have to work with, the fact they did their job seriously and not typical b movie, phone it in, is excellent.

STYLE: John Carpenter at his best. The visuals are stunning and a nice tidbit, the blue lights, which unbeknownst to scientists back then, for preventing suicidal tendencies, adds an accidental layer of depth to these men’s plights and isolation they’ve going through, making this choice very ahead of the curve.

DIALOGUE: Good

PACING: Typical slow moving pacing, which is nice, but doesn’t give us enough to make use of it, as it tries to be face paced with the sequences we’re seeing, making it awkward as to if it’s supposed to be an action or a horror movie that adds tension.

FX: Excellent, especially given how old the movie is. They hold up exceptionally well. Minus the early moments of the movie showing the space craft.

CONCLUSION: This movie bombed at the box office and is one of John’s biggest laments. It’s not a bad movie though, I think it suffers due to coming too soon on the heels of Ailen. It’s basically the same movie, but starring Kurt Russell. It some ways, that makes it better, in other ways it suffers for it. Had this movie been made in the 90s, 20 years after Ailen, I think it would of been a smash hit, especially post Ailen Reserection, given that movie sucked by most people standards, except me, who liked it. Sadly for John, it came 3 years after the 70s classic and didn’t add much new to the genre. This movie could beat be summarized as Evil Dead /Ailen hybrid, so much in fact, that I’m shocked they never showed the necronimicon. Despite its flaws, like needing more details about the Ailen and its purpose for possession of humans and it’s weak ending, it is still a very good movie and one I prefer over Ailen.

3.5 out of 5

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Kageoween: John Carpenter’s Suburban Screams, 2023, review

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INTRODUCTION: So JC at one point said something to the effect of “I put my hand out and there’s a pay check in it, I’m happy” well, who can blame him? I love having money in my hand as well, but this isn’t a pay day for an old movie getting a remake based on his characters, rather it’s a sale of his name to another true crime series, the world doesn’t need.

PLOT: Maybe real crime stories re-enacted by actors that even porn would reject for their horrible acting.

CHARACTERS: What characters? I think they’re supposed to be based on real people, but the episode never mentions the crime that this is covering.

ACTING: This makes pornography actors seem like Kate Winslet.

VISUALS: Dated, retro and not in a very good way.

FX: Mid card as fuck!

CONCLUSION: This show is one more in a genre that’s done to death, no pun intended. JC doesn’t have much to do with this show, except in name only. It’s fine if he wants to milk his name for all its worth, but a little bit of editorial discretion as to what your name is on, would be a nice touch. Much like John Carpenter, I too placed my hand out, only I didn’t get a pay check, I just got a headache.

1 out of 5 stars