Category Archives: Review

Woke Before it was Cool Movie Reviews: 007 GoldenEye

INTRODUCTION: It’s all the rage to bitch about Hollywood and its sudden “woke” culture that seems to be shoved down all the throats of the emasculated alt-lite. Annoying, efte men and the woman who love sleep with those guys male friends. So whenever I see a retro movie that was “woke” by today’s standards, I am going to do my best to make sure I review to see if it just these “men” or if there really is a problem. So here is our first flick, GoldenEye.

SYNOPSIS: A whole bunch of boomers wrote a movie, that is about the fear of the soviets intentionally beating us in the digital age. A movie that was dated in 1991, when the USSR fell. Oh and James Bond is back at it, beating villains like a mutha fucker!

CHARACTERS: All original characters are there but M is a woman now and Money Penny is younger. Clearly there was need for outrage, right? This is the only thing I found in a search and it’s written by, presumably, a woman named Janet.

DIALOGUE: Fantastic! But woke as fuck! I mean, M calling Bond a misogynistic dinosaur? How about Money Penny saying he was sexually harassing her,while enjoying it.

ACTION:Hokey as fuck! I mean, the cold opener doesn’t seem to understand the concept of 3 minutes. The whole thing clocks 10 minutes. It’s almost like a parody of the old Bond flicks, masquerading with the name. What was the point of Austin Powers then?

VISUALS: Dark, but very, very good looking. Some of the
best looking of he series.

SUBTEXT: OK BOOMER!

CONCLUSION: These woke movies are nothing new, but few complained back in the 1990’s, in fact, quite the opposite and while this movie isn’t nearly as good as it was in 1995, it is still a solid, albeit a slightly intelligence insulting flick. It has no good grasp on anything, from Tech to Russia. It’s only real finger on the pulse happens to be its awkward and woke moments. It is a very OkBoomer movie, but still enjoyable and it created an amazing game.

4 out of 5.

Kagemas: Dicken’s A Christmas Carol

INTRODUCTION: A Christmas Carol is one of my favorites of Dicken’s novels, but that doesn’t mean that it is perfect. In fact, quite the opposite, but still, this book has its charm and it is pretty much his most iconic novel ever made.

Innumerable movies have been made from it, including my favorite, A Muppet’s Christmas Carol. So, what can we say about this book 200 years later?

SYNOPSIS: a cranky old miser finds himself on Christmas Eve being visited by three ghost whom are there to get him to change his wicked ways.

PROSE: As much as I love this novel and others of Dickens, here he isn’t at peak form. He has one too many asides, that while iconic, are just not needed. I refer to things such as “Marley was dead, to begin with.” This is one par with a “It was a dark and stormy night.” He shows a bit but relies too much on telling from some nonexistent narrator. He doesn’t tell us much about what the other characters look like, but Scrooge gets the most emphasis. I know we need to “hate” Scrooge, but he could have described the other characters better. Dickens was better than this, but his uneven prose here, especially for such an iconic book, is annoying.

DIALOGUE: Excellent! A hell of a lot of iconic lines.

CHARACTERS: The only really developed character is Scrooge. The rest are only kind of developed at the end of the book, during the hauntings. Scrooge is a fantastic character, though and a way writers should be building characters and something I like to do myself. Much like Bram Stoker, the dialogue reflects who the character is, his core being, if you read between the lines. Fred for instance is really a horrible character and worse than Scrooge could ever be. He hates people, but parades around like a mirthful little shit who loves people, but really he is fake as fuck. Scrooge may be a misanthrope, but with lines that suggest he thinks his workers are horrible and that Christmas is the one time they can stop acting as if they’re (upper class) are better than his workers and a few other horrible lines, suggesting he is no better than Scrooge, it really shows the subtlety that is in Fred’s character and that he is just pretending to be something he isn’t.

SUBTEXT: Most people put the subtext as Scrooge being an analogy for Dickens himself, but I disagree. I think the movie “The Man Who Invented Christmas” nailed it as Scrooge being England and other cultures at the time whom had banned Christmas until about the mid 1800’s. I did notice though, that while it seems shallow of more subtext, the second ghost, seems to be an analogy for god himself. He even mentions that humans put blame on them, but I cannot recall a time period in history in which ghost were so senselessly victim blamed. Only the heavens seemed to get that. So perhaps there is more to these “ghost” than just gravy.

CONCLUSION: This book still shines in spite of its flaws, that it is almost like Scrooge himself, who, despite the flaws is redeemable and while I doubt that was Dicken’s intent, it still adds character to the novel. Still, there are stronger versions of this book and we never got it, but it is still a testament to Charles Dickens that even a weaker version is still so iconic. Personally, Scrooge is one of my favorite characters ever and I am glad this book gave birth to him and his iconic persona. Christmas truly is a bah humbug and even though Scrooge was eventually redeemed, someone had to mention it and while Scrooge has never put a dime in my pocket, I say, he has done us good and will do us good, so I say God bless him.

This book gets 4 out of 5 and isn’t a poor excuse for hogging up a man’s time every 25th of December.

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Overlord.

INTRODUCTION: Overlord, was a movie I wanted to see back in 2018, but opted to wait. I’m not sad that I waited, but at the same time, this would have been wicked to have seen. It’s one of the better WW2 flicks in a good long while and I think you’ll enjoy this one. It isn’t as good as Dead Snow and it isn’t about zombies, like the trailer made it out to be, but it is still the best WW2 movie I have seen since Saving Private Ryan.

SYNOPSIS: The day before D-Day and a group of soldiers are sent into Normandy with the task of disrupting a transmissions tower in order for ground troops to successfully make it to the beach.

CHARACTERS: Not bad! You don’t really feel bad for them, but each one is likable enough that they’re not overtly shallow. The “villain” is definitely weak as fuck. He is a want be Hans Lambda from Inglorious Bastards, but with none of the charm or anything remotely likable, making him just a cliché. Each one is unique enough that they’re memorable and you can tell them apart, but you aren’t going to see any iconic characters come out of this movie.

ACTING: All the actors did very well. None of them are going to win an award for this, but it was very good.

STYLE: Fantastic! I loved the visuals and the FX would pretty damn good!

MUSIC: Nothing iconic, but works with the flick.

HISTORICAL ACCURACY: Mostly true to the time period and very well done.

TENSION: Is there and you can feel it in spades. It’s a slow burn, but not that slow of a burn. Really well balanced.

SUBTEXT: None, except for the overt, don’t play God, but, whatever.

CONCLUSION: This is one fine movie. I don’t think it is one I would watch over and over again, but it was fun at least once. I could see myself watching it at least one more time, though. The acting is one point, the visuals are good, the tension is there, the characters aren’t bad and the acting is very good. It has a few errors and I wasn’t too fond of the censoring of the Nazi logo in exchange for a different logo entirely. I understand some people don’t want to accidentally up-sell Nazi Germany, but I don’t think censoring history is the way to go. Other than that and a couple of other small gripes, it was Sher Gut!

4 out of 5.

Kageoween: Found Footage 3D in 2D Review.

INTRODUCTION: These movies, as of late, seem to be making a lier out of me. I know I said I hate these films, but Found Footage 3D is another exception to this rule. I don’t know why it has taken the better part of two decades to produce some quality found footage films, but they’re here now and it might be a good thing. At least this one was pretty epic, besides HellHouse LLC trilogy.

SYNOPSIS: Group of people, go off into the woods, like every damn movie, albeit this one with some meta aspects to it, making it “different”.

CHARACTERS: Well done! Granted, none are overly remarkable, but they draw you in and keep you glued into the edge of you seat. I found myself caring at the end, which is a rarity for me.

ACTING: Very, very good! None are well known that I am aware of and all of them put their best foot forward. That, or my standards are getting lower the older I get.

KILLS: Fuckin’ wicked! Oh good, they’re good stuff. Seriously, the ending is amazing!

DIALOGUE: Fantastic! I love the Evil Dead homage along with a great line, pointing out how these films tend to suck. Brilliant!

PACING: Fantastic! Moves at a great pace and keeps you enthralled until the end.

SUBTEXT: none of note. It’s not really a thinker, but it doesn’t need to be. You really just enjoy it and a popcorn flick is always alright.

CONCLUSION:
This one took a tired old cliché and didn’t turn it on its head, but made it tolerable and enjoyable. Found Footage 3D is how these films should have been produced years ago and it is nice to see that people are taking the genre as more than just a cash grab as it has been for years and they’re making haters of the genre like myself, eat crow for the fact that they can be fun, even with an overblown formula. This one is well worth the check out.

4 out of 5.

Kageoween: Hell House LLC 3, Lake of Fire

INTRODUCTION: I’m on record pointing out that I hate found footage films, but I loved the first one. I’ve seen the second and while a little more flawed, still very good. Now I am onto the third and I have to say, I very much love this whole series. I don’t think it is too early to dub them classics. Sure, much like their older predecessors, they have flaws, but they’re still amazing films in spite of those flaws, so I’m, at least, dubbing them modern classics.

SYNOPSIS: As if two times of going to back to HellHouse LLC wasn’t bad enough, a third group decided to take a chance and build something out of it. Like it ever works out? If it did, they’re be no more cash cows, uh, I mean sequels.

CHARACTERS: I think they’re the best developed of the three movies, sadly, you will remember the movie more than the characters and that is one of the flaws of these flicks. That said, everything else makes up for it.

KILLS: You’re not going to find over the top kills here, you’re going to get amazing old school build and some kills. This one does the same for the most part and when it goes go gory, it is worth it.

ACTING: Best of them all. Not a single bit of weird or awkward. Everyone is on their A-Game and it shows. Fantastic choice!

DIALOGUE: Excellent and well done!

PACING: Fantastic tension building and it works throughout the whole movie. These films really do it for me in a way few modern horror films have been in recently years and I really appreciate that.

CONCLUSION:
While the end is kind of weak and it was once again a pretty predictable ending, not mind blowing, everything else leading up to it was on point, so it was still a very strong sendoff overall. Although, as with all Horror franchises, if this does well, you can expect a fourth one or even more. Give it a year and I can pretty much guarantee that Shudder will come back with HellHouse LLC 4. Stephen Cognetti is a director and writer to keep an eye on as I see big things in his future and personally I would love to see him get a theatrical run. Not that being a Shudder Exclusive is bad, but he could be becoming a bigger name. Regardless, you need to spend Halloween watching all three of these movies back to back. You’ll thank me for it, because they’re really well done, albeit slightly flawed, horror flicks.


4 out of 5

Kageoween: I Chuckie, a review of the 2019 remake.

INTRODUCTION: I was excited to see that Child’s Play was getting the reboot treatment. I was never the biggest fan of the series, but up to three was good. There is an argument to be made for Bride of Chucky but I was pretty much out at that. The concept was kind of hoakie, but it worked in its time frame, remember, it came out in 1988 and every movie had characters with weird backstories. This one removes the weird voodoo in exchange for a more realistic take. Was it better off?

SYNOPSIS: A company like Apple produces an Amazon like Alexa, but in the form of a doll. The doll goes rouge due to a disgruntled employee having shut off the safety precautions. All hell breaks loose.

CHARACTERS: Pretty shallow to say the least. They could have developed them more, or at least the main characters. Overall, very weak, but so wasn’t the original Child’s Play.

ACTING: Fantastic! Not a weak actor among them all. They all did superb.

DIALOGUE: Not a single bit of cringe! It was excellent and at times very comical.

KILLS: Weak and not very inventive. We have seen most of these things before and it was tame.

PACING:It tried to be an old school story driven movie, but the pacing wasn’t right for it. It didn’t build tension correctly and that is a shame, because I would have loved more build and tension.

SUBTEXT: If we ignore the overt text that is the dangers of AI, Child’s Play at its core is really about being involved in your child’s life more and not allowing negative things to influence them, as Chuckie was. Everything he learns, he picks up from others and I think that is a worthwhile takeaway.

CONCLUSION:
The story could have been better and Andy’s hearing aid could have been a much bigger plot point. It was a missed opportunity to make him seem crazy, so by the end, he would have been redeemed in a most stellar fashion. The modernization was much needed and a fantastic break away from the old. While not an amazing film, a sequel could be beneficial and wouldn’t be minded. I loved the Isaac Asimov homage of the three rules that cannot be broken and there are a few other reference, like RoboCop that are within. Even with the comedy, this movie just could not get me to like it. Objectively speaking, not bad, just slightly flawed. Subjectively speaking, I really hope if they do make another they expound on this one with more developed characters, better kills, a better story and more tension.

Overall
3/5