Category Archives: Review

Review, Writing

The Vengeful Virgin Book Review

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INTRODUCTION: When I was a child, I wanted to grow up to be a police officer, so I could make detective. Yes, I would of loved to have been the real life equal of Batman. I learned a lot about the job through watching, reading or playing games like Clue. Naturally, some of what intrigued me is Noir or Noiresque novels. Normally I preferred the ones with detectives. Hell, my first novel, novella, is a noiresque book, so it isn’t like I could pass over such, even if I wanted to. This one doesn’t have a detective, sadly. That said, I am still going to review it.

PLOT: A TV Repairman gets hired to help rig up TV’s and an intercom system, in an ailing man’s apartment, when he meets the man’s 18 year old step daughter and bad shit follows.

CHARACTERS: It’s an old Noir novel. You’re not getting deep writing with these characters. You’re barley given any description when it comes to what they look like, a lot like Stephen King characters. They’re not quite one dimensional, but they do have a one track mind, making them rather dull.

PROSE: It works for this type of novel. Not award winning stuff, but you don’t come to Gil Brewer for Nobokov, you come for a plot driven story.

DIALOGUE: Clunky and weird at times, but it was written in 1958, so maybe we shouldn’t be too harsh on it.

SUBTEXT: None, again, it’s the Mcdonald’s of writing. Although, there are moments, you will read between the lines, like myself thinking the main male character could be African American, given he keeps referring to the whiteness of his femme fatale. Sure, he could be white, and just smitten with an auburn hair girls contrast with her skin, but their are other elements in the dialogue that make you think he is black. It never states his age, just that it’s alluded to that he is seemingly older, but he doesn’t want them seen together, even though she is perfectly legal and I do not think it really has to do with their devious plans, as the character claims. Personal opinion, I think it was an, at the time, illegal interracial hook up, on top of a Romeo and Juliet romance. Remember this was written to be shocking in the 1950’s, so it is possible.

CONCLUSION: If you go into this book with the right frame of mind, you will enjoy it for what it is, scholky entertainment. If you are looking for more from your novels, do not bother. I enjoyed reading this, albeit, I prefer detectives and not a book about two people attempting to be criminals, but it isn’t bad. It has a lot of classic Noir tropes and while this isn’t the first one I have read, it is far from my last.

3 out of 5 stars.

Horror, Movies, Review

Army of the Dead

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This isn’t so much of a review, as much as it is a bitch fest, so this will be wicked short. I watched this the other night and well, while the movie is alright, I couldn’t help but see one too many parallels to something else that deals with zombies, so my review is going to be summed up in this picture.

The Movie

CONCLUSION: Besides Zynder’s call backs to his remake of Dawn of the Dead (2004), which seem hokey and retro in a badway, this movie doesn’t move the genre forward in anyway, shape or form. It’s a mediocre movie in everyway, shape and form. All the most interesting parts are ripped off the game Left4Dead, which is the super zombies that are harder to kill. Included are the witch, the hunter and some Glen Danzig wanna be. If you added the “boomer” zombies, you could of easily called this Left4Dead 3. I hope Netflix gets sued for plagiarism.

2 out of 5 stars.

Food, Kagemas, Review

Kagemas: Spicy fun

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Me trying a chocolate 7 pot. One of the hottest peppers in the world.
A gift given to me 12/24/21

So the above photos are to give some background to this short Kagemas review. I have been eating hot peppers heavily since I was about 17. This would be 2003. Although I did try some in the 1990’s, I wasn’t overly enchanted with a lot of spicy stuff. Anyways, the point is I have a pretty high fuckin’ tolerance after nearly 20 years of eating hot shit.

Let me start with Steve O’s hot sauce. I watched Jackass as a kid. It had it’s moments, but it isn’t high brow by any stretch of the imagination. Steve O is a fuckin’ idiot, so when I was given this hot sauce, I actually had high hopes that it would be stupid hot. That wasn’t to be. While it smells and taste great, it is, overall a mostly meh sauce. You can get one that smells like, but taste slightly different than this one, if you buy Badia’s Ghost Pepper sauce or Melinda’s Ghost pepper sauce. Both are far cheaper than this stuff is and probably comparably hot. Granted, it will probably be hotter if you’re not a “expert” like I am at peppers or eating hot sauce, so a rookie might think it is too hot. Overall though, it’s good and I could be inclined to keep a bottle around every once in a while.

3 1/2 stars out of 5.

The next product is not to be underestimated. It only has the scoville rating of a Jalapeno, which, for me, is like eating a bell pepper. So I had a bowl, sans the stir fry part and boy did this fucker kick. You would of thought I was a rookie at eating hot stuff, but nope, as I assured you above, I have been an hot sauce idiot aficionado, for quite some time. I can see why so many people didn’t make it through the Youtube challenges. It’s price is decent, but not the cheapest ramen. If you try it, make sure to have milk, because it doesn’t fuck around.

4 out of 5 stars.

Movies, Non-fiction, Review, Writing

The Wrong Missy, David Spade Revival Theater

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INTRODUCTION

Well, it seems Netflix decided what the world needed after nearly two decades of absence was another David Spade flick. Oh joy!

CHARACTERS:
Shit! All the same BS these movies are known for, simple archetypes, if you can call them that.

ACTING:
None have ever been horrible actors, so, unlike this flick, its tolerable.

VISUALS:
Fantastic, which is more than I can say for the rest of the movie.

WRITING:
Shit! Fuckin’ stupid premise, horrible jokes, terrible story overall.

DIALOGUE:
Same as above

MUSIC:
None that I noticed.

SUBTEXT:
Devoid of it

CONCLUSION:
They couldn’t be bothered to make a movie, I can’t be bothered to do much of a review as I have said before. This piece of shit is unfunny. Happy Gilmore is nothing but a group of aging boomers that never grew up and the subject matter shows in this movie. I would say they are attempt to recapture their “glory years” but you would have to have had glory years for that to be true. It’s sad and pathetic group of people that are now stealing money from companies like Netflix, whom will see no fucking return, just to keep their dipshit friends employed within Hollywood. They’re not actors, they’re over glorified welfare recipients. David Spade sent his career to finally visit Chris Farley and after this outing, maybe he should consider doing the same.

0 out of 5 stars.

Movies, Review, Writing

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Friday The 13th 2009

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INTRODUCTION: I saw this movie in 2009 when it came out. I wasn’t hugely keen on remakes and especially not Platinum Dunes taking the lead and even though I tend to like Michael Bay flicks, which I know it isn’t hip, cool, edgy or intellectual of me, but you know what? Fuck the pretentious cucks that hate him. He has made some fun movies and Friday the 13th remake seemed like one for the ages. So how good is it after ten years?

PLOT: This makes retro Jason movies seem like they took good care to create plot.

CHARACTERS: Cliché Jason fodder, but that is pretty much the point. It takes a whole group of WB tv show rejects and gives them a movie. Personally, the douche leader is the most interesting, followed by the Stoners. Oh and the blonde girl the douche bangs, she really was stupendous, who was acting in that scene? No one!

ACTING: Surprisingly good from everyone but that one dude from Supernatural, who normally is a better actor, albeit, dry. Must not have been feeling it in 2009.

FX: It is Friday the 13th. Everything is practical and looks good.

LIGHTING: Retro, but works.

STYLE: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003. It works here, but the faux dated shit is old.

KILLS: Not the most over the top, but solid and cool.

TITS: Only that one blonde. The other woman need to sue their plastic surgeon for malpractice. I’d rather see real A cups than fake DD’s any day.

MUSIC: You couldn’t tell there was any, but Sister Christian, am I right?

SUBTEXT: STUPENDOUS!

CONCLUSION: I’m not really sure why this movie was made. I mean, it doesn’t even know what decade it is in. Retro Budwiser cans that are dated between 1970-2000 ish and retro 70s/80s clothing mashup. It looks like the 03 Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, which sucked balls and this wasn’t much better. Even the lighting was very 70s in some scenes. How the fuck could you do a movie when you can’t even figure out what decade the original series is from? Still Jason runs and is super aggressive again, which was much needed and different from Kane Hodder’s and Friday the 13th needed that, very much. Derek Myers very much deserves one more flick, he was a fun Jason. The ending was a major let down, but it had some cool jump scares, but nothing new or original. If you just want something that is retro cool to drink and chill with, this is your flick and in that case, it is very good, but if you were expecting a really good movie, then find something else. This serves as nothing more than a kill count movie and sometimes, that is all it needs to be.

3 out of 5.

Review, Writing

Sympathy for the Devil: Review of Netflix’s Lucifer.

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INTRODUCTION: Lucifer has always been my favorite biblical character. He was so many things and the devil has always had the best domains that he oversaw from science to classical and hard rock music. He was absolutely the hero of the bible and the most interesting of them all. So a TV show that is based a DC “version” of the character that barley changes the original source material of the bible, well, it seems like a recipe for disaster, but with the right casting, potentially hopeful. So is this show worthwhile?

CHARACTERS: Well rounded, albeit a tad bit cliche. Over the current four seasons you really get to know the characters well and develop an attachment for them. I enjoy all the characters for the most part, albeit I’m here for Lucifer as much as the next person.

ACTING: Fantastic all around. It really seems like these guys and gals all enjoy working together and this is never more noticeable then season three when Tom “Smallville” Welling joins the cast and is supposed to be a sort of foil to Lucifer. Unlike when the rest of the actors engage, sometimes to the point where a scene looks like it almost became a blooper reel, the acting falls super flat when it turns to his character. It’s never seemed more awkward at all. The fact this is so easily discernible is a testament to the casting director with his choices. Never been more impressed at casting.

WRITING: Tad trite and formulaic. Still very good over all, albeit a tad lazy at times.

DIALOGUE: Fantastic. No big cringe moments.

STYLE: Late 90s/early 00’s cop show style. Its retro, but a much needed break from all the bleak looking shows on tv right now.

FX: Very surprising for a TV show. I expected worse and it is quite good.

MUSIC: Excellent soundtrack!

SUBTEXT: I think at its core, Lucifer is really about humanity. Lucifer may not seem it, but he is audience character. He may seem larger than life, but for being the devil, his choices are all too human and very relatable. Who hasn’t wanted revenge but had to thwart temptation?

CONCLUSION: This show is amazing, even though it is slightly formulaic and trite. I mean, season three was weakest when the whole thing is essentially a rip off of a major Buffy the Vampire Slayer storyline. If you’re a fan of that show, you’ll be familiar with the Angelus aspect. Still, it is nice to see it get a final season at least. Netflix did a good thing here and who knows, perhaps if season five goes over well, this will get another season. It one of the better shows I’ve seen in years and still adds some freshness to the tired old cop show clichés. Well worth giving a go!

4 out of 5.