Category Archives: Reviews

Fashionably Late Reviews, Movies, Reviews

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Friday The 13th Part 7

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Introduction
Another installation of fashionably late movie reviews. This time we’re reviewing Friday the 13th part 7:The New Blood. This is another of my favorites in this series. If you never seen this one, it’s the one were someone had a pair of balls in some shitty production meeting in 1987 and said “What if Jason fought Carrie White?” and in typical Hollywood fashion some rich asshole with more money than brains said “fucking brilliant, here is 20 million bucks, go make it!” That is pretty much how these things are app to go. So without further ado, I call this review, Friday the 13th part 7: The Search for More Money!

Synopsis
A plethora of cliché and shallow “teen” characters played by early 30 something actors are stranded in the woods of Crystal Lake for the billionth time, when PLOT TWIST, a psycho named Jason Vorhees shows up to kill them!

Characters
All the bullshit tropes are accounted for, nothing new here and all shallow as fuck!

Acting
Holy shit is it bad! I mean, the porn your parents made on their honeymoon was probably better acted then this shit. One of the worse acted of them all.

Dialogue
Fine, nothing that really stands out as absolute garbage.

Kills
Nothing over the top or interesting. This is one that could hold up well on TV, with minimum edits.

Conclusion
This is easily one of the more interesting entries in the series, if only for the psychic aspect. Had the characters been given more depth so we could care about them getting axed, along with developing the story a tad bit more, even with terrible acting, the seeds were there for a even better version of this flick. What we ultimately got was a mess of a movie that seemed to want to wade into unfamiliar territory but too scared to make those choices because it didn’t want to drop it’s successful formula in favor of originality. Had the film makers been less reticent, this might have spawned a whole slew of slashers straying from their A-B, horror by numbers. It is an ashame too, given Part 6 did just that and gave room with excellent box office numbers to get them to give different another go. Clearly, it wasn’t meant to be and it still turned out to be OK entry into the series and still one of my favorites, regardless.

3 out of 5

Books, Review, Writing

The Exorcist Book Review

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INTRODUCTION
The Exorcist is one of those iconic movies that no matter when you were born, you probably heard about it. The movie was so intense for the time period that it is claimed it sent people reeling from the cinema in droves, which is believable, given no audience prior to had seen such atrocious scenes laid out before them. Night of the Living Dead was one such film of its timeframe in 1968, but by 1973, the film landscape had changed so vastly that Night of the Living Dead just seemed tame in comparison. Still to this day, few movies with more balls have been made. Can you imagine forced pedo-sapphic incest happening on screen today? Nope and this is why this film is still considered legendary. Having first seen this film in the 90’s, I thought it was tame. I honestly hate anything religious, especially religious horror, because the idea of possession is so mentally absurd, that I can’t suspend my disbelief to believe it is happening. Unlike Freddy, which we know isn’t believed by idiots, we can easily suspend disbelief. Regardless, I decided all these years later to give the book a go and this is my thoughts on Blatty’s iconic novel.

SYNOPSIS
A young Hollywood actress’ daughter becomes “possessed” by a “demon” and you guessed it, an exorcism happens.

CHARACTERS
The only thing less developed then the 12 year old lead in this book is the supporting cast. Most are just there with nothing overly interesting about them. Karras and Lt. Kinderman are the only interesting characters in this novel as with the movies.

PROSE
It’s alright, but it isn’t better than most New York Times bestselling books out there. Blatty had his moments, but it isn’t overly painful to read like Game of Thrones is, either.

SUBTEXT/THEMES
Thematically the book deals with mental illness, religion, belief and other “fun” concepts, but subtext is pretty non-existent, minus one Youtuber who pointed out that the movie had great subtext for sexual abuse. Sadly, while I agree with it, the point of view and how this book is written, along with how the movie goes, pretty much refutes that. Blattly himself even said he didn’t intend for it that way. So, sadly, possession in both the movie and book are quit literal.

CONCULSION
Hardly the worse book I’ve ever read, but it seems more like a parody of the movie. I mean, Regan is a dork, red head kid and the iconic scenes of the movie don’t register the same in the book, they seem weird and don’t fit. Calling the kids rags, is laughable and a horrible nickname. Everything people love about the movie, in this book, seems more mocking in tone, which was clearly not the intent. Mind you this book is 40 years old, along with the movie, but the movie, while I loathe it, holds up better. If you really want to give it a go, feel free to, but otherwise, much like how the book was received prior to a lucky chance appearance by Blattly on a talk show in the 1970’s which catapulted it to fame, I think it is better ignored.

3 out of 5

Fashionably Late Reviews, Horror, Reviews, Writing

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews:Jason Lives, Friday the 13th part VI.

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INTRODUCTION
Jason Lives is without a doubt my favorite of the Friday the 13th movies. It was Meta before Scream and I adore Scream, so this one was defiantly up my alley. This one holds up the best on television and it was not as over the top as some of the earlier and later sequels. So does it hold up 33 years after the fact?

SYNOPSIS
Tommy Jarvis, past victim of Jason, returns to Crystal Lake to burn Jason’s dead body. A lighting strike hits Jason, resurrecting him, ala old 1930-1950 style movies and Jason is back to kill a bunch of people with poor character development for our entertainment.

CHARACTERS
Tommy had been built for three movies and still he is a mediocre Nancy Thompson for this franchise, but he is acted much better in this flick. The rest of the characters are filler to see killed because it is a Friday the 13th and who the hell needs character development?

ACTING
Some of the stronger acting of the series. It really wanted to set itself apart from past sequels and do its own thing. Even the smallest role is very well acted in this movie. It’s not hokey, even 33 years later.

KILLS
Nothing over the top, just your quick machete to the gut or something else just as tame by this series standards but that is ok and one of the things that makes this flick hold up.

SUBTEXT
It’s Friday the 13th, for real tho!

CONCLUSION
Part 6 didn’t reinvent the wheel by any stretch of the imagination, but it did make the old structure fresh and fun, while giving birth to the meta genre. Its kills are banal and mediocre, there is no nudity and ultimately it seems like it should not satisfy gore hounds, yet it does and it looks really good to this day.

3.5/5

FUN FACT:
Jason Lives seems to take place in the future, given the fact that Jarvis is at least 30 something, as the actor himself was. If we are to use the chronical age of the actors, given that there is no real way of telling the age of the characters themselves, since Corey Feldman was a teenager in the former sequels, then Part 6 takes place in 2006/2007 and would technically be the final Friday before Jason X would come about.

Fashionably Late Reviews, Reviews, Writing

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Hot Tub Time Machine

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Introduction
Hot Tub Time Machine was a movie I wanted to review years ago, but never got a chance to because it didn’t seem to warrant a review. It wasn’t that type of movie and I don’t want to review something that was supposed to be fun with my uncouth, low brow, analysis. 10 years later and I said, fuck it, I’m going to re-watch it and give it my thoughts.

Synopsis
Lifelong buddies who are all stuck in a runt decide to spend some time at their own 20 something stomping grounds, due to the near fatal suicide attempt of one of them. When they get there, they quickly find out that they’re not the only ones who aged into a runt, but the lodge has as well. Drinking ensues and all of them end up back in the 80s due to a, you guessed it, hot tub time machine.

Characters
Nothing to write home about, they’re typical stock characters for this flick and barley distinguishable from one another. The actors are the only thing that makes the characters memorable.

Acting
Very good, nothing to complain about here.

Subtext
It is called Hot Tub Time Machine, where you expecting Shakespeare?

Conclusion
This is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, it has weak character development, and it breaks its own rules all the time. What is the point in establishing rules if you break them? It can’t even get the ages right of the characters. I was born in 86, this came out in February of 2010. I was 23 going on 24 and the age of the kid in the movie is 20. That would mean the movie would have to be based in 2006, not 2010 like the dial on the machine says. The movie ends with a upbeat, Back to the Future style ending that none of the characters deserve and once again breaks the rules of doing everything the exact same way they did when they originally, at one point including a bet about a John Elway pass that was stopped due to changing the past, but whatever. In spite of its flaws, the soundtrack is decent, the jokes are funny, it is well acted and ultimately it is a good ride. This was not going to win any awards, but ultimately, it was nothing but a good time and that is all that matters.

3.5 out of 5

beer, Reviews, Writing

Lagunitas 12th of Never Ale Review

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Horror, Movies, Reviews

Halloween: A movie review of Blumhouse’s H40

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Introduction

I don’t want to start off with the typical cliché of the fact that the Halloween movies are 40 years old at this point and go through all the old bullshit about how so many movies have been made, including the remake and all that other fun stuff. I’m going straight to the point and talk about the fact that this is the movie people have a wanting for a long time.

Synopsis / Plot

Michael Myers breaks out of sanitarium, terrorizing Haddonfield, 40 years to the day of the original babysitter murders.

Characters

The characters are only kind developed but once we get into the bottom below where I praise the acting you can find yourself being like well, the acting makes up for only so-so character development.

Acting

I think it’s spot-on even from the most bit characters, which is a new trend in Hollywood that has been happening the last couple years, which I find to be an extremely interesting and very much a pleasurable thing. Backround characters are treated as something of note. The annoying aspect of background characters being bad actors always make for a weak movie and this is definitely moving in the right direction from all those old sequels.

Kills

I highly enjoyed all of the kills. Now, none of them are particularly interesting, you’ve seen things like this before but I enjoyed that because lately, especially with the Saw movies, Hollywood has been getting very over-the-top with their kills in horror movies and it’s ultimately destroying the entire horror industry. None of it is scary, and it’s absurd as I pointed out. This movie got it right! it had some up front and personal kills mixed with the Quentin Tarantino aspect of shying away from showing everything but letting you build it up in your mind. This is the right way to do a movie! Afterthought on this: a lot of people complained about the infant crying after his mom was killed was a missed opportunity. I disagree, it was more brutal than a kill would of been. A newborn left to fend for itself is 10x more evil than stabbing it.

Subtext

None of note but we don’t need that in this movie.

Conclusion

Most of her critics were completely wrong about this movie. I find the gripes to be unfounded. A lot of people came away from this with a version of the Mandela effect because they aren’t remembering it correctly. They still entitled to their opinion but they really should have bothered to have paid more attention in my mind. The acting was superb, the Kills were nothing new but still decent, the characters were okay but the acting more than made up for it, the tension was there, which lately is a new trend, is actually great. My only real gripe is super nitpicky, with one exception, most of the actors in this movie are hot but just kind of mediocre looking. Not a single one is overly photogenic, which is weird for Hollywood, but I don’t see anything wrong with hiring Hot or ugly people, even in horror movies, provided they can act. it works because all these people can act even if they’re not all Brad Pitt and I’m okay with this trend overall. Ultimately Halloween hits on all the right notes and is really done a great fan service 40 years later. In my mind Laurie Strode was done well, so much better than H2O or Halloween resurrection. This is the movie that I’ve been waiting to see since I was a kid.

Over all this movie gets 4 out of 5 stars and I hope it gets a sequel ASAP.