All posts by Kage

Writing

Kagegiving: Lola’s Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce.

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INTRODUCTION: I love hot sauces. Been having them for years. Still cannot find one that’s too hot. That doesn’t stop me from trying to, though. So, we go to things labeled with the Carolina Reaper to find something extremely hot, right?

Smell: very sweet, hint of spice and slight vinegar.

TASTE: very sweet, garlic and lime are accounted for. Small amount of vinegar, basically it’s a more refined Franks Red Hot. Taste great! No hint of the Reaper flavor though.

HEAT: ? Still trying to find it myself. I went through the bottle and not a single bit of heat to speak of. If you’re gonna call something a hot sauce, you might want the hot to actually be in there. Even for a rookie to hot sauce this is manageable I am sure. I had lower level hot sauces or hot items to ensure my tolerance wasn’t the issue and sure enough, that’s not the problem.

Conclusion: So is this something to be thankful for? In terms of flavor, yea. Fantastic sweet taste and mildly complex, it makes a lot of things more flavorful. That said, the lack of heat, especially something bearing the Reapers name, should not be so timid. When it was a couple bucks, it would of be four stars, but with no heat and a cost of something, that for a few bucks more, you could go to heatonist.com and buy something equally as good with a burn, this is docked a couple stars.

3 out of 5

Writing

Kagegiving:The Glencarian Glass

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Introduction: So this is my first time reviewing a glass. Never have I done so. The closest I have ever gotten was reviewing the fact I think milk is at its peak in a pint glass, but that was as a child and I mentioned it to my family. This is my first formal review. So a lot has been said in regards to cups in helping with beer. I normally drink from the bottle, rarely a cup, when so I have beer. At first I wanted to be skeptical of such, but the logic made sense. Taste is deeply tied to olfactory sensation, so the more you get to the nose, the more taste you can discern.

Design: bigger than expected. Feels sturdy. Cute as opposed to macho, which I suppose is the complete antithesis of what one envisions when thinking of a whiskey drinker.

Dram one: I have a very uncouth personal pallet. I love JD, and Budweiser. So the I christened it with JD. I noticed it cuts the JD burn down, but it taste very muted in flavor and feels more like water going down. I like that, but I want to make sure it wasn’t just my boorish taste in undetectable ambrosia so I had a slightly more upscale dram.

Dram 2: I choose you, Makers Mark! Yes, I could taste all the flavors of makers, but no more than that of any cup I have had it in, barring one, which is a slight bit of peatiness that is more concentrated in an Ezra Brooks or Knob Creek.

Price: Price is too high for what this is. It was made for a Buck and cost $16 USD. Most I ever paid for a cup and probably my last, except for say, a tankard.

Conclusion: I intend to more research, and by that using it as an excuse to be a major fuckin lush./sarcasm. That said, I do not see much value in such a cup such as this and the ramifications that it ultimately holds for us puseudo connoisseurs. If you like pretentious innuendo of looking like the upscale snob that writes for the Atlantic instead of the unrefined human that I tend to be, then rush out and buy a 100. It offers little to me except taking down the burn of whiskey, but I occasionally like that feeling. I thought I was getting buddy Jesus from Dogma and ended up with shitty normal Jesus, instead.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars.

kageoween, Reviews, Writing

Kageoween: Hocus Pocus 2

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Introduction: I hated the first flick with a passion. I was born and grew up in Salem and remember when it was being made. I know and have seen all the local haunts in the flick. There was nothing more special about that flick than a million other movies before it. So was this worth a 29 year wait?

Synopsis: The witches are back. Thanks virgins!

Acting: very solid and on par with the first ones.

Dialogue: very good.

Characters: Slightly stock, albeit fun additions, be nice if they were better rounded.

Visuals: way better than the first, but the CGI sucked.

Subtext: None really, unless you want to get into some stuff about how these movies are very lesbian chic before it was cool.

Conclusion: This movie moves at a brisker pace than the original. It’s funnier than the original and in a lot of ways that actually improved things better the second time around. It’s darker in tone than the original, especially on one joke about eating a child’s face. Never mind the fact these versions don’t mess around. The worst part of this flick is how much of Sarah Jessica Parker’s legs seem to show in a kids movie. It’s nostalgic, while different. I actually enjoyed this one, unlike the original. Extra bonus points for the retro newspaper kiosk outside Walgreens.

3 out of 5 stars

Writing

Kageoween:Halloween Ends 2022

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INTRODUCTION: Finally, someone has the balls to stand up to Michael Myers in this unnessercery but still desirable sequel. So does it live up to the three act structure that I thought it was going last year? Let’s see.

STORY: it’s Halloween, again. But this time, Michael is done for. Wink, wink!

CHARACTERS: Typical of the last two of the modern era Halloween flicks.

VISUALS: Same as through the other two. At this point it isn’t interesting. Nice crane work and single tracking shots. Kills are no better than 2018.

ACTING: Best acting of ALL the Halloween movies, including the original.

CONCLUSION: This movie pretends to be something it isn’t, which is a Halloween sequel. It somehow combines literary tropes with genre and succeeds in droves. It’s a combination of classic horror, but takes a major deviation from the norm. It’s a slow burn that builds up characters, but when we get action it is great. Everything that the critics claimed about The Last Jedi taking chances with Star Wars, but wasn’t true, is true of this flick. A return to form, but new ground. It was so good, my three gripes are just nit picking. This movie’s biggest flaw is that it needs an extra hour to have made it even stronger than it was. Cannot say it will be everyone’s cup, but it is the most unique horror film in decades. This deserves an Oscar nomination for best picture. If it doesn’t win, that’s a crime in and of itself.

5 outta 5 Stars

Writing

Kageoween:Hellrasier 2022

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INTRO: Never been a fan of this series. I only ever liked the Pinheaded and the puzzle box. My favorite entry into this series was Hellrasier 3: Hell on Earth. So to say I had high hopes for this would be egregious overstatement. So how is it? Well I am reviewing it in the middle of watching it, for once.

SYNOPSIS: Uh, idiots find the rubric cube, we the lament configuration and hellarity ensues.

CHARACTERS: Shallow as fuck, stock idiot characters. All horrible characters, except for the gay brother, who cares for his junkie sister, but oh, fuck that character 20 mins in, says the director.

SFX/VISUAL: mediocre for Hollywood, good for HULU, but a YouTuber has probably done better.

SUBTEXT: None.

CONCLUSIONS: When compared to later iterations of the Hellrasier series, which became weird detective flicks, this movie seems like a step in the right direction. As a remake, it fails to live up to what made most people like the original, which was themes of BDSM, or some other bullshit. I honestly never noticed any of that, but people say they liked that, so if you’re one that liked that “subtext” then this isn’t for you. If you’re like me and only into this because Pinhead was awesome, this isn’t for you. If you want to see something that isn’t even unique like the 1987 movie, this movie isn’t for you. So who is this for? People that buy misfits shirts at Walmart and never even listened to the band. People who want to fit in and front about they saw a Hellrasier too. That’s who this is for.

1/5 stars

Writing

Back From The Dead, Halestorm Review.

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So I bought a new phone after years of saying no and dealing with either phones that came free with a switch deal or anything my sister or brother where getting rid of when they upgrade. Yes, I am that cheap. In fact, the last phone I got was a referb in 2018. It is now 2022, so let that sink in. Anyways, I have been listening to music more than I ever have in my life, given how amazing the audio is on this phone. Normally I don’t like to review music that is digital. I prefer records or cds if I am going to do this, but again, given the excellent audio, I will make an exception here.

So I was listening to this song and boy is it epic as fuck. Modern, yet old school. I then listened to the rest. All but one song does it for me, but this the best track.

Epic as fuck!

Now, apparently they’re currently on tour with Evanessence, some top notch shit. If you, like myself, have never heard of this band until a couple days ago, you owe it to yourself to check this album out. Now, 2022 has produced 6 months of some of the best music I have heard in years, but this album alone, might be record of the year in my mind. Nearly every song is, as the “kids” are saying now a days, a banger. If you’re a rock fan in anyway, shape and form, you also owe it to good taste to buy this album and blast it for the rest of the summer, and loud enough so your neighbors can know what a great album is is as well.

5 out of 5 stars.

EDIT: Only a day after posting this I went out and bought this album, in two different formats and a T~shirt.