Kage
Professor
English 101
Essay Three
Online
2 June 2013
From My Cold Dead Hand
Addressing the Gun Debate in America
Audience: Those unwilling to reason on gun control issues.
Message: Gun regulation is not gun control.
Purpose: To persuade those on the other side of the debate to lay down their arms, and work towards a solution to ending gun violence.
Click Here to read the press release
So I wrote for a fake company called The Kitchen LLC. It was promoted as a progressive restaurant, that would hire men only, just to cater to woman. Obviously this is satire and I was doing it as an experiment. It didn’t actually take much exchange and below you can see how easy it was, with so little vetting. Me-Sa Ginny is made to sound like misogyny and BachDish is a play on the German phrase, Buck Dish or Bend Over as it is translated! So obvious troll is obvious, right?
It actually got printed on the front page of the Journal Tribune here in Biddeford, Maine.
It gets even better! Instead of redact with a small print block on page 4 as these types are apt to do, they fake an entire news article to save face.
If you refer to picture, the last time they emailed me was 1/3 2018 and I did not reply back. You see the article still went to print!
So what’s a young man to do when he stumbles across a new organization that writes fictional news? He takes it to the media to expose it and this is what happens!
While I did get a few inquires, no one wanted to print it, except for one but due to a conflict of interest, the fact a parent company owns both, they could not. So I am bringing it here and showing the world how the Journal Tribune, a small time newspaper, fakes the news and why they do it!
As of now, they have deleted both and replaced the fake news with a small redaction in place of the fake news article, with them giving themselves too much credit for their “Due Diligence”, which, had they had such, it never would of gone to print in the first place and the only reason they knew is because I owned up, in an attempt to show the world the depravity of that brand!
Slight Edits and Correction to the text: January 15th, 2018
In order to understand what I am about to lay upon you, one has to have an understanding to how things were in the past. Ideology of old in the past, doesn’t mean it is currently seen the way it once was. Libertarianism, in the past, was once traditional conservatives. Oddly enough, in today’s epoch, it is now associated with Liberal ideology. Even more oddly, it is sadly becoming associated with the Alt-Right, which is absolute is not. In fact, the Alt-Right is closer to FDR New Deal liberals than they are to the traditional right and this is where we get into the gist of my essay, Bernie Sander’s is Hitler!
If you never read Mein Kampf, which you absolutely should have, if you want to consider yourself educated. Most of the book isn’t in any way, shape or form what one would consider an anti-Semitic rant. In fact, Mein Kampf is combination Biography, political manifesto and interjected opinion as opposed to a plan for the elimination of the Jewish people that it was always considered by the uneducated plebeians, that is the modern right and left. In reality, Mein Kampf is closer to your drunk lefty uncle Fred at Thanksgiving, ranting about the inadequacies of capitalism and why the rich are responsible for all the woes in the world. Sound familiar? It should, given that is Bernie Sander’s entire base and style. He’s sticking to basic structure of any leader, if you also bother to read the 48 Laws of Power!
The fact of the matter is, Hitler was an anti-capitalist, anti-communism, Boeheim artist, who traveled from place to place, never really doing much of anything and grew bitter and bitter by the day for finding no success. Being a product of his generation, and not as liberal as he claimed to be toward the Jews in Mien Kampf! In other words, Hitler was Jack Dawson in Titanic, who harbored hate towards most people, in fact, I would say Hitler was closer to being misanthropic than anti-Semitic, he ended up taking it out on the Jews for a number of reasons, some of which would include Anti-Semitic behavior was common in Germany seventy years ago, as with most nations. In fact, Jewish hated was very common in other ancient epochs as well. Some Jews actually were trying to install Communism in Germany, he reacted in order to stop it. There were some Jewish 1 percenters, to borrow a phrase from Sanders and Friends. Ultimately, Hitler saw himself as the hero an acted that way, he was Germany’s savior and nothing was going to stop his seemingly God given mandate to save Germany!
(As a quick digression, Hitler also seemingly had either a God Complex or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Entitlement issues, typical human superiority issues, based on superficial, non-objective criteria. Among a plethora of other mental issues. None of which he shares with Bernie Sanders. Interestingly enough, Bernie seems to have no mental issues, which makes this parallel worse!)
Back to Bernie Sanders, both share a similar ideology and are very much old school, big government Democrats, pandering to the working class and working for you. Bernie was seemingly influenced to get into politics as serious study, because of Adolph Hitler himself, being quoted as saying, Because Hitler won an election that was way he took politics so seriously. Had he bothered to read and pay attention, he would know that Hitler never won an election. He lost and seized power. Also, he would know that, besides having old school leftist tendencies towards racism, Bernie and Hitler were ideologically one and the same, pandering to the same base (National Socialist Workers Party ring a bell?) with a similar style, neither one of which ever amounted to much, outside of politics and ultimately both Bitter and perpetual victims of a mean spirited, capitalistic system!
I personally believe, given the opportunity, Bernie would march the successful into death camps and redistribute their wealth in quite the same way. The leeches had always been around, looking to suck from the strong and those who dare attempt to make something of themselves in our society, and Bernie is leading the charge!
In conclusion, based on facts, Bernie is closer to Hitler than any candidate, past or present, including Donald Trump.
(Disclaimer, I begrudgingly voted for Barry Goldwater’s doppelganger Hilary Clinton, on the fact that she was, ironically, more conservative!)
Yes, I did rewrite the amendments to the constitution, thinking an updated version for a modern era was needed. Some are left intact and others altered as need be, but I also extrapolated onto them. Here they are!
Amendment I
Government, be it State, Federal or local shall pass no law in regards to prohibiting, limiting or otherwise abridging, the right to free speech of an individual or of the press. Nor shall they establish an official religion, or infringe on an individuals right to believe whatever bullshit they want, included but not limited to religion or lack thereof, unless said delusion is used a justification for harming another individual. You have the right to believe whatever you want, not the right to force or otherwise hurt others.
Amendment II
Self-defense, being integral to one’s personal survival, of themselves, family or other loved ones, the right to bare armaments, shall not be infringed.
Amendment III
A well-regulated militia, being necessary to a free state, shall be established by the government, to oversee the protection and general welfare of the people during times of war. No citizen shall be forced into the militia, even during times of war. No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
Amendment VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.
Amendment XI
The Government, be it Federal, State or local, shall pass no law in regards to a human beings, of anytime, impeding the sovereignty over their own body.
Amendment XII
The Government, be it Federal, State or Local, shall pass no law prohibiting nature of any kind, unless said nature would cause bodily harm to others.
Amendment XIII
A human being or individual, shall be defined as any sentient being that is of the species Homo-sapiens, or any other future genus that our species might evolve into, and not be discriminated against for sexual orientation, color of skin, religious or other bullshit reasons that one could cultivate in impinging human rights.
Amendment XIV
The Bill of Rights, being exactly what they are, shall not be considered established by the government, but rather seen as the natural rights of humans that they are and as such, the government shall never be able to take them away for any reason or otherwise restrict them!
Here’s an idea that is sure to piss off the Republican Party;I am for mandatory welfare. It’s not for the liberal ideas that one would think. I simply want to keep certain people out of the general populace. Yes, keeping people away from others could be a huge benefit for society as a whole. I like to think of it as social segregation.
I cannot be the only person to ever walk into a store and hear the clerk bemoan the fact they have to work. I’m sorry that your life is so bad,plus you have to work. My heart bleeds so much for you! I’m not understanding to this, seriously, pushing a button is easy as hell and making a burger is even easier, when all you have to do is put the frozen carcinogenic slathered piece of “meat” under a heat lamp, which sits there for hours on end, until the unsuspecting costumer comes in and desires sustenance so badly, they will eat the food equivalent of an STD.
Besides the fact that work is super hard for them and life is clearly not worthwhile, there is also the fact that, well, they want 15 dollars an hour to do something much worse than I could do at home. I can burn my own overly antibiotic infused frozen “meat” patty myself and remember that I don’t want cheese on it. People make mistakes, it’s part of life, so I don’t let this part get to me too much, but damn if it doesn’t occur to me when listing off reasons for mandatory welfare.
When you factor in the above, you start to get an idea for why I’m right about this. I don’t really need more reasons, but you’re going to get them anyways! Allow me to now extrapolate onto the idea that is mandatory welfare.
Since work is so hard and you cannot be bothered to look at what you just wrote down on order pad or the screen, I am willing to work for you, just to keep you home, until either your disposition improves or you learn to shut up while working, whichever comes first.
You will make whatever the minimum wage is per year and it will be inflated to adjust for the cost of living, just please stay away from me and others. One of the buyer beware scenarios, when you sign up, you will be given a long term contract, five to ten years, that states that you cannot leave your house. You will be sterilized, fully or temporarily, to prevent breeding and you must Netflix and chill for the duration of the contract. It’s really that simple of a system, basically what we already have going, but improved for the benefit of humans who don’t mind getting things done.
Now, I can be understanding, since some costumers are pains in the ass, but the location is partially to blame for this. Starbucks for example has too many options. I’m sorry, I thought you wanted coffee, well coffee comes one of two ways, black and tanned. Want sugar, add it yourself. If you have to add twenty sugars to something to make it palpable to your taste, you don’t like the item you’re procuring, you like the sugar. Just eat sugar packets. Here’s an idea, caffeinated sugar. One packet has enough caffeine of an espresso. Snort it like cocaine for all I care, just make be honest that you secretly hate coffee, otherwise you would drink it as is. The second you add half a dozen toppings, it is no longer coffee, rather a desert as Bill Maher has pointed out many times in the past. 1,000 calories is not coffee! I’d rather down a six pack of beer for that many calories, at least it will give me enough of a buzz to make humans tolerable.
Besides the annual salary, just to leave myself and others alone, you will also be given an allotment of your drug of choice. Yes, you can have it as a signing bonus, once a month, you will get either the biggest bottle of whiskey, beer, bag of weed, bag of cocaine, heroin, whatever you wish, just to make sure you stay tranquil and indoors. You can live with your lover and if you cannot find one, we will help you, since you won’t be breeding anyways.
I am willing to work two 40 hour a week jobs, just to keep you away from myself and others who cannot stand listening to the rubbish that flies out of your claptrap on a daily basis. It would be a privilege and an honor to not have to be served by you.
Anything and everything will be provided for you, just so my mental health is kept healthy and I don’t descend into insanity.
You’re probably wondering how business’ will thrive without a lot of people shopping, well, there’s an app for everything now a days, so you can order food from most places, with your government provided iPhone.
This is something that the U.S. government needs to consider, because too many people are just stupid, lazy, bitter, jaded and otherwise not worth dealing with. I think you’ll find that life will generally improve for all involved, and mass shootings will actually be reduced. Granted, serial killers and the like will still exist, you cannot help that, but the 1% of murders that happen, is just nature’s way of cleaning the gene pool. So it is a necessary evil, like Richard Dawkins twitter account, or Donald J. Trump being a racist. You just have to deal with it.
Another name for this is trickle down happiness. Which you may have learned about watching a porn video. I promise you that this will make this planet a much safer, much saner and overall a much better place to live. In fact, I guarantee it! It’s the Oprah of systems, everybody gets something.
Another benefit of mandatory welfare? Better politicians and choices for president. Now I won’t have to listen to the talking heads on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and half a dozen other “news” outlets opine about Emperor Palatine Vs Doc Brown being “saner” picks than Hilary Clinton vs Rand Paul. The only people saying this is unfair, are the idiots who would be locked up. The Paul Lepage, the John Boehner and Paul Ryans of the world.
Heck, most of these jobs are practically welfare anyways. Why make the price of Big Mac go up, when we can just rid the world of the problem which is Bitter, overly entitled workers, who would rather not be there to begin with.
Early adopters of the program will get healthcare paid for, as well, just to get you away from me faster! No need for a Bernie Sander’s presidency when we can fix the system.
Mandatory welfare is going to be a thing and the best part, no more hipsters, working in Che Guevara hoodies. Is that not what life is truly about?
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Major Corrections to the text. ( 23 Nov. 2015)
I’ve never been one to review music. To me, it’s one of the hardest things to do and do well and I’m just not that educated when it comes to music. I have some rudimentary skills at the guitar, but I never was musically oriented as a child. So I’ve severally lacking in the ability to put into words what I’m hearing.
So here goes my first attempt ever to discuss a brand new record. Yes, record, because I bought the vinyl and am listening to the free auto-rip from Amazon.com and so far, I dig what I hear and want to share it.
Chris Jericho, pro wrestler par excellence and also, apparently, quite the vocalist. Although, not all credit can lie with Chris (Moongoose McQueen, if you prefer.) as his band mates might also be some of the best musicians of the last decade. I’ve known about the band for the last fifteen years, but sadly have never had the chance to sit down and listen to his music. You know him as the rock star of the ring, but the grandiose entrances doesn’t mean the ability to actually be a rock star.
One would be wrong to not give the band a listen as they might possibly be the finest band in the last fifteen years. A long list of bands have come into the metal scene, but few have had an impact on the musical landscape that Fozzy is seeing and will continue to have well into the future.
If you’re a rock fan or a metal fan than you are doing yourself a disservice by not buying this record on every format available, it’s that good. If you’re a fan of metal from the 1980’s, then you’re in for a real treat, because it’s been about 30 years since a band has pump out arena hits like this.
If you aren’t hooked by the ABBA cover SOS, than you have no pulse. If you aren’t having fun by the end of Tonight, you’re DOA and if you cannot enjoy the heavy sounds of Bad Tattoo, you’re six feet under.
I barley ever give five stars as a rating and this might be only the third time in my life that I’ve done so, because I’m not an easy sell, but five out of five.
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Minor corrections made.
Added link for Item. Click the band’s Name.
Best in Your Girl 