Category Archives: Trolling

How I Exposed Fake News

Click Here to read the press release

So I wrote for a fake company called The Kitchen LLC. It was promoted as a progressive restaurant, that would hire men only, just to cater to woman. Obviously this is satire and I was doing it as an experiment. It didn’t actually take much exchange and below you can see how easy it was, with so little vetting. Me-Sa Ginny is made to sound like misogyny and BachDish is a play on the German phrase, Buck Dish or Bend Over as it is translated! So obvious troll is obvious, right?

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It actually got printed on the front page of the Journal Tribune here in Biddeford, Maine.

It gets even better! Instead of redact with a small print block on page 4 as these types are apt to do, they fake an entire news article to save face.

jtlies

If you refer to picture, the last time they emailed me was 1/3 2018 and I did not reply back. You see the article still went to print!

So what’s a young man to do when he stumbles across a new organization that writes fictional news? He takes it to the media to expose it and this is what happens!

While I did get a few inquires, no one wanted to print it, except for one but due to a conflict of interest, the fact a parent company owns both, they could not. So I am bringing it here and showing the world how the Journal Tribune, a small time newspaper, fakes the news and why they do it!

As of now, they have deleted both and replaced the fake news with a small redaction in place of the fake news article, with them giving themselves too much credit for their “Due Diligence”, which, had they had such, it never would of gone to print in the first place and the only reason they knew is because I owned up, in an attempt to show the world the depravity of that brand!

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Slight Edits and Correction to the text: January 15th, 2018

Mandatory Welfare

      Here’s an idea that is sure to piss off the Republican Party;I am for mandatory welfare. It’s not for the liberal ideas that one would think. I simply want to keep certain people out of the general populace. Yes, keeping people away from others could be a huge benefit for society as a whole. I like to think of it as social segregation.

      I cannot be the only person to ever walk into a store and hear the clerk bemoan the fact they have to work. I’m sorry that your life is so bad,plus you have to work. My heart bleeds so much for you! I’m not understanding to this, seriously, pushing a button is easy as hell and making a burger is even easier, when all you have to do is put the frozen carcinogenic slathered piece of “meat” under a heat lamp, which sits there for hours on end, until the unsuspecting costumer comes in and desires sustenance so badly, they will eat the food equivalent of an STD.

      Besides the fact that work is super hard for them and life is clearly not worthwhile, there is also the fact that, well, they want 15 dollars an hour to do something much worse than I could do at home. I can burn my own overly antibiotic infused frozen “meat” patty myself and remember that I don’t want cheese on it. People make mistakes, it’s part of life, so I don’t let this part get to me too much, but damn if it doesn’t occur to me when listing off reasons for mandatory welfare.

      When you factor in the above, you start to get an idea for why I’m right about this. I don’t really need more reasons, but you’re going to get them anyways! Allow me to now extrapolate onto the idea that is mandatory welfare.

      Since work is so hard and you cannot be bothered to look at what you just wrote down on order pad or the screen, I am willing to work for you, just to keep you home, until either your disposition improves or you learn to shut up while working, whichever comes first.

      You will make whatever the minimum wage is per year and it will be inflated to adjust for the cost of living, just please stay away from me and others. One of the buyer beware scenarios, when you sign up, you will be given a long term contract, five to ten years, that states that you cannot leave your house. You will be sterilized, fully or temporarily, to prevent breeding and you must Netflix and chill for the duration of the contract. It’s really that simple of a system, basically what we already have going, but improved for the benefit of humans who don’t mind getting things done.

      Now, I can be understanding, since some costumers are pains in the ass, but the location is partially to blame for this. Starbucks for example has too many options. I’m sorry, I thought you wanted coffee, well coffee comes one of two ways, black and tanned. Want sugar, add it yourself. If you have to add twenty sugars to something to make it palpable to your taste, you don’t like the item you’re procuring, you like the sugar. Just eat sugar packets. Here’s an idea, caffeinated sugar. One packet has enough caffeine of an espresso. Snort it like cocaine for all I care, just make be honest that you secretly hate coffee, otherwise you would drink it as is. The second you add half a dozen toppings, it is no longer coffee, rather a desert as Bill Maher has pointed out many times in the past. 1,000 calories is not coffee! I’d rather down a six pack of beer for that many calories, at least it will give me enough of a buzz to make humans tolerable.

      Besides the annual salary, just to leave myself and others alone, you will also be given an allotment of your drug of choice. Yes, you can have it as a signing bonus, once a month, you will get either the biggest bottle of whiskey, beer, bag of weed, bag of cocaine, heroin, whatever you wish, just to make sure you stay tranquil and indoors. You can live with your lover and if you cannot find one, we will help you, since you won’t be breeding anyways.

      I am willing to work two 40 hour a week jobs, just to keep you away from myself and others who cannot stand listening to the rubbish that flies out of your claptrap on a daily basis. It would be a privilege and an honor to not have to be served by you.

      Anything and everything will be provided for you, just so my mental health is kept healthy and I don’t descend into insanity.

      You’re probably wondering how business’ will thrive without a lot of people shopping, well, there’s an app for everything now a days, so you can order food from most places, with your government provided iPhone.

      This is something that the U.S. government needs to consider, because too many people are just stupid, lazy, bitter, jaded and otherwise not worth dealing with. I think you’ll find that life will generally improve for all involved, and mass shootings will actually be reduced. Granted, serial killers and the like will still exist, you cannot help that, but the 1% of murders that happen, is just nature’s way of cleaning the gene pool. So it is a necessary evil, like Richard Dawkins twitter account, or Donald J. Trump being a racist. You just have to deal with it.

      Another name for this is trickle down happiness. Which you may have learned about watching a porn video. I promise you that this will make this planet a much safer, much saner and overall a much better place to live. In fact, I guarantee it! It’s the Oprah of systems, everybody gets something.

      Another benefit of mandatory welfare? Better politicians and choices for president. Now I won’t have to listen to the talking heads on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and half a dozen other “news” outlets opine about Emperor Palatine Vs Doc Brown being “saner” picks than Hilary Clinton vs Rand Paul. The only people saying this is unfair, are the idiots who would be locked up. The Paul Lepage, the John Boehner and Paul Ryans of the world.

     Heck, most of these jobs are practically welfare anyways. Why make the price of Big Mac go up, when we can just rid the world of the problem which is Bitter, overly entitled workers, who would rather not be there to begin with.

      Early adopters of the program will get healthcare paid for, as well, just to get you away from me faster! No need for a Bernie Sander’s presidency when we can fix the system.

      Mandatory welfare is going to be a thing and the best part, no more hipsters, working in Che Guevara hoodies. Is that not what life is truly about?

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Major Corrections to the text. ( 23 Nov. 2015)

The Art of Trolling and Motocycle Matinence.

     Trolling is an ancient art, passed on from Leet (1337 for the layman.) forum user to Leet forum user for eons, or circa 1997 A.D. whichever way you want to see it, it’s been around for a while and will not go away.

     You’ve most likely seen the occasional celebrity or others bitching about them, but they provide a valuable service. In fact, saying “troll” is just an ignorant way for a person to shield themselves from intellectual responsibility. If you understood the fine art of trolling, then you would realize that you’re also a troll.

     Anyone with any internet presence, what so ever, is a troll. Simply put, trolling is either a comedic act or arguing. Let us, for the sake of argument, assume that trolling is simply pointing out the flaws in a person’s argument or engaging someone in lively debate.

     Said person has the balls to stand up to someone and assert that the person is wrong. Perhaps, more harsh than the mark (to use a wrestling term.)would like. Simply saying “LOL, you sux” Or “I hope you die of cancer” is not trolling. They are simply, assholes. Regardless of how someone has gone about pointing out that you’re wrong, you shouldn’t be obstinate in thinking you’re 100% right.

     The catch is, though, that not every person has the time, nor should be required to shift through hundreds and hundreds of tweets, post, e-mails or other digital data. How does one rectify this? Harsh language, use of special characters (Leet-speek) or some other form of communicative pea cocking. In other words, much like a peacock uses its bright tail to attract a mate, so too does it attract predators.

     When you send something out to into the world, say a thought or argument, a point of view or even just musings, expect to invite replies, retorts, counter arguments, fatuous statements and even the vulgar comments. You are not the U.S.S. Enterprise with Sulu driving you away from danger, you’re Han Solo with C-3PO giving you the odds of navigating an asteroid field, successfully. In other words, you open yourself up to whatever your post merits.

     Now, while calling you an idiot (Layman) for lacking that technical knowledge or special knowledge about something, isn’t the best way for giving criticism or expressing that your point is wrong, it is a way to get the intended point across.

     The first thing we need to do is stop trolling were it starts, celebrities. You know the old saying “Any press is good press?” That is exactly what trolling is. Any bit of notice is good notice. Oh, sure, you might lose your show or two, but your short term loss will be long term gains, when the ire of the consumers dies down and then it’s back to business as usual. Just look at R.Kelly and others to see what an apology can do. In other words, lead by example if you want what trolling has become to evolve. Everyone, celebrity or not, could afford to reign in their trolling for the better.

     Arguing on the internet, it was once said, is like winning the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded. Arguing is a brilliant form of communication that is intended to change people’s views by pointing out flaws in reasoning, logic or ill-gotten facts. To argue is actually a politeness. It expresses concern for the intellectual welfare of our species. To allow you to go off half-cocked is funnier, but degrading. Tougher love, so to speak. In other words, be happy that someone is willing to help you see what is wrong, so that your mental space is less cluttered with rubbish.

     Arguing on the internet is spontaneous, instant, engaging and fun. These pros often lead to negative cons that we’ve all been guilty of more often than not and should be wary of in the future. Here is Kage’s rules for optimum trolling.

     1.Define what it is you’re expressing. Few words have one definition and as such, we all have a preconceived concept in our head as to what we think it is that we’re arguing about. If it’s about capitalism, define what it means. There are a number of things that capitalism could mean to anyone. It helps to express it to the best of your ability. Make sure no one can misunderstand you.

     2.Avoid pea cocking your reply. It will get noticed, sure, but it won’t change things. A concise and to the point retort is worth more than the 146 characters you’ll use to express such.

     3.Think before you send anything. Are you expressing yourself as eloquently as possible? Where are you wrong? Are your arguments solid? Are you expressing fact or opinion? There is room for all, but make sure each is defined. Such as, all these rules are merely guidelines based off my experiences and in my opinion, will suit you well in engaging people in person or online debate.

     4.Do not jump the gun and attack. You need to understand your potential opponents position, in order to better counter the argument and

     5.Never be afraid to agree with someone or point out were a person is right. Few people are rarely 100% wrong. Sometimes they get things half right, but not entirely. If they’re right on something, say so.

     6.Humor will cement ideas and diffuse a situation that might otherwise be a tad bit tense. No one likes to be wrong, but we sometimes are and that is OK. Most people have a sense of humor and to use it when needed will allow for more enjoyment in your debate.

     Keep these in mind when trolling the internet and you’ll have a much better go at it, as well as argue more efficiently than you would have otherwise and might even change some minds. If you cannot change the mind of someone who is wrong through thoughtful and humorous discourse, than they will most likely never budge. Even if the intended mark doesn’t agree or get it, you might have changed the minds of any lurkers reading the conversation.

     If you’re one of those lurkers, please express such, if you happen to change your tune and never be afraid to share anything that has opened your eyes or mind.
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*Edited to remove slight errors