Essays, Link Dump, Non-fiction, Opinion, retro

Retro Appetizer! (2008-2010)

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Here is a bunch of short blog post, in their original format, under their original pen names and everything I did in that era, which were not articles, but with more to come.

John Edwards Cheats

“Cats and dog’s living together, mass hysteria”-Bill Maury “Ghostbusters”

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/08/08/edwards.affair/index.html

You mean, under that very expensive hair cut, John Edwards is *GASP!* HUMAN! Oh my God! What is the world coming to when a human being makes a mistake and does something that goes along with their carnal nature? *shock, horror*

Who would have thought that a human being was anything short of infallible? Clearly not those who are reading this story on Edwards.

There is no way he could possibly, ever run a country now because he cheated on his wife.

Oh, woe is he who would vote for a man on his credentials on running a country and not on his sex life. Edwards should never run for president ever in the near future, because this is simply too much to bare. it warps my entire worlds view.

Anyone willing to discount a person from being president based on his personal life, especially after they elected a Jesus freak, ex coke head to office, needs to be shot.

Man Has Kid
Just because you changed your sex to become a man, does not make your pregnancy a “miracle”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23942218/

A woman who had a sex change 10 years ago to become is now “pregnant”.

News flash! Getting a sex change, but keeping the female reproductive system you where born with, cause you were a woman to begin with, doesn’t count.

Sadly, idiots like to feed into a person like this who is just looking for attention and publicity. In a different article she was even quoted, I believe, as saying that she liked the fact this would generate controversy and mess with taboo’s.

I don’t think we should even consider this news worthy to begin with.

Show me a Man who was actually born a man, and who can get pregnant and I will show you a true miracle. Til then, file this under “Retarded attention whores”

Change?
America needs to stop deluding itself that is has made Change. Fact is, America has not made change and probably will not make real change for a long, long time. Sure people will say But we elected a black man to the highest office in our nation Yet we are so quickly ready to forget that Obama is half white. What does that speak of about our country? That we will elect someone, but only if he is half white? What if Obama was totally black, would our nation still have elected him, or would we have snubbed him based on race? What if Obama was totally white? Would he still have clinched his parties nomination?

How can we pride ourselves on making Change when in the same night, a state, who voted overwhelmingly to elect a man who is half black to our nations highest office, also voted against gay marriage in the same night?

America: We want change, but not THAT much change.

CUNT OF THE YEAR AWARDS
Well, who could possibly be the biggest cunt of 2009 before it is even over?

Daniel Petric, 17 of Ohio. This piece of shit killed his mother and his father, while they were in bed, then tried to make it look like a murder suicide and pin it on his father, all because they took his Halo game away from him. Oh, cry me a river fuck face.

They gave the little shit 23 years to life with parole. They say it isn’t fully his fault, because he was young and the video game influenced him.

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!!

This video game made him do it shit is fucking lame as hell. That is just as bad as saying the Devil made you do it. You have no one to blame but yourself, fuck face! Stop scapegoating shit and own up and take fucking responsibility.

They should of gave you LIFE, if not killed you. You are so fucking Ohio didn’t give you the death penalty, if they even have it.

I hope you enjoy taking black dick for 23 years, because you are going to be filled out like an application.

I also hope every night before you go to bed, you see your mothers face and you are haunted for the rest of your fucking life.

“At the trial, Mark Petric testified that his son came into the room and asked his parents: “Would you guys close your eyes? I have a surprise for you.”
The father testified that he expected a pleasant surprise. Then his head went numb from a gunshot.”-THOMAS J. SHEERAN Yahoo News

Article on the douche bag

EDIT: We have a two way tie for biggest cunt of 2009;Tyler Weinman, ladies and gentleman, the “alleged” Florida cat killer. fuck you, too, you stupid cunt!

Calling a spade a spade

What the hell is up with the term “Sex offender”? It is so broad and vague. Is a sex offender someone who offends the opposite sex?

Why can’t we just toss political correctness to the side and call a spade a spade?

Lets call a child molester what he is, a fucking child molester. No special names for what they are. Same goes for pedophiles, rapist, dog fuckers and other people that end up on the “offender” list.

Don’t vague it up in an attempt to hide what these people did and give them some semblance of a normal life.

Do we call Serial Killers “Multiple life removers”? No, we don’t. Why cut corners here?

The term sex offender is also a form of scare tactics on suburban life. When you distribute fliers about how a “sex offender” lives next door to you, you are inciting fear in everyone nearby, because they jump to the conclusion that a “sex offender” is automatically a child molester.

Why should Holly house wife have to live in fear,–which passes onto her kids, because kids can feel their parents fear–when you can just straight shoot with us?

I’m not going to worry if Joe Dog Rapist is living 20 feet from a school zone. I do care when Ron Pedophile/Child rapist is, though.

Sure we can just look the person up on the list and see how he offended…but if we can find that out anyways, why not just tell us?

In fact, I think that all “sex offenders” should legally be forced to change there last name to reflect there crimes so there is no mistake about who they are and what they did.

Lets see Ron Pedophile hide from his crimes now.

Letter to the Editor

What happened to a time when people who committed the crimes where responsible for what they did? It appears those times are gone, as the local 7-11 is trying to stop things before they even happen, in an attempt to thwart some crimes.

See, if you are a certain age or below you get carded for cigarettes, and I am all for being carded; keeping minors from buying cigarettes/alcohol is a good thing, but potentially stopping me from making a purchase because I have someone with me who may or may not be a minor is just plain idiocy.

I am an individual, and what I do has nothing to do with anyone but me. You cannot assume I am going to commit a crime before I am even out the door, and if I do commit a crime once I am outside, then the responsibility goes to me and me alone.

It is not 7-11’s job to make judgment calls about what might happen.

If we’re going to start trying to predict crimes, why don’t they stop selling alcohol to anyone to drives to 7-11 with a car? After all, each person who buys alcohol and then gets into their car could be a drunk driver with the ability to harm others, could they not? Might as well go the full nine yards with this one, right?

Does 7-11 also extend this policy of double carding to parents who purchase tobacco or booze in the presence of their children? After all, children are most likely to get tobacco or alcohol from their parents than any other source around. Ask someone who started smoking or drinking at a young age and I bet you are most are apt to find that they were getting it from a parent’s stash as opposed to getting some stranger to buy them alcohol or tobacco. (To answer my own question posed above, 7-11 does not double card parents who are with their children. My mother was able to purchase alcohol and we were told only one of us need be carded and it didn’t matter which.)

The irony to this story is that while 7-11 is hassling young people in a vain attempt at stopping crime, they are also one of the biggest perpetrators of another crime, the use of Marijuana. They guise their sale of “Blunt wraps” under the cover of tobacco use only, but unlike the water pipe that has tobacco use roots in the Middle East and traditional Zig-Zag rolling papers which are used for roll your own cigarettes, blunt wraps are clearly meant for rolling weed in. Some come with names that are associated with Marijuana or carry pictures of popular hip-hop stars that are known to have smoked the illegal substance.

What pillars of the community, uh?

-William

Sex for Dummies?
Right, so what is the dumbest “for Dummies” book one could think of? If you said “Nuclear bomb buliding for dummies” well, you’re prob right. What is the second dumbest? “Sex for dummies” (Yes, this book is real) Honestly, how stupid does one have to be to read this book? What the fuck would it even look like anyways?

Chapter one:
Remove your clothes (Socks optional)

Chapter two:
Wrong hole dummy, aim higher

Chapter three:
The Promised land

Chapter four:
PULL OUT! PULL OUT!

Chapter five:
Oops! Where to find the morning after pill

Chapter six:
She wasn’t laughing at you…ok, maybe she was.

Chapter seven:
Don’t panic, that’s why we have penicillin.

Chapter eight:
Condoms. (Maybe we should have put this chapter in front of the book)

Chapter nine:
She told me she was eighteen. (and a 101 other excuses)

Chapter 10
Other things you could have bought besides this book.

Essays, Non-fiction, Opinion, retro, Writing

FUCK NERD CULTURE (2009)

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Starwars sucks. There, I said it. I just commited the highest blasphemy in geek history. My cpu will be sent trojans (unforuntly not condoms, cause a Starwars fan has never known a womans touch) Dorks will camp outside my house for months just to get a chance to hit me with there plastic TOY sabers. The anti-christ will come forth to cause destruction and cats and dogs will be living together. Mass hysteria!

Now, with that said, I will not overlook the contributions that Starwars has given to the cinema. Without Lucas and ILM making Starwars, who knows where movie special fx would have went. Would we have a lot of our beloved movies we have today, had Starwars not come first? Prob. not. We also have it to partily thank for Kevin Smiths career. Kevin Smith is awesome, but I digress.

I highly doubt there is a Starwars fan among you that can say they, at one point or another, have not been fed up with the “holy trilogy”. Even bored by it. How many times has Lucas messed with the oringal flims? How about how bad Episodes 1 and 2 sucked? the only reason people liked 3 was to see the return of Vader. Hardly Worth suffering through Jar Jar binks for.

Starwars has become too mainstrem for its own good. Everyone is a Starwars fan now. Part of being a geek is liking the obscure. Things others don’t find cool, we do.

This goes double for you fantasy loving geeks out there. Lord of the Rings SUCKS! Those are the most blatlenty homo-erotic movies ever concived. While the books might be good, the movies are boring and GAY! Just because you’re the grandfather of all fantasy, doesn’t mean everything about you is awesome.

While I am at it, Horror needs a kick in the nuts. Its all the same. Saw movies SUCK! Hostel movies SUCK! PG-13 horror SUCKS! J-horror SUCKS! Remakes SUCK! Zombie movies and fans, SUCK! I ain’t even talking about Rob here, I am talking about movies about zombies. Zombies are the worst monsters ever, stop holding them up on a pedestal, RETARDS!

Following this suit, Freddy, Jason, Micheal, Chucky and Pinhead, need to stay DEAD! Freddy is a joke. Jason is boring. Micheal gets raped by shitty musicans who think they can direct, and the Hellrasier movies, while they all suck to begin with, don’t even involve Pinhead anymore.

Horror just plain sucks now. It’s fun while your a kid, but it soon loses it luster after you realize how they’re all the same movie, repacked to be sucked up by the idiot public.

RPG’s are DUMB! D&D sucks. So don’t you if you have discussions about how your broad soward gets +7 damage if cast at night and other retarded things. The only decent RPG is prob Vampire the Requiem and other White Wolf games.

If you’re one of those losers that plays any RPG all day, and I don’t care if it’s D&D or World of Warcraft (Which sucks just as much) or any RPG, you need to take a stright edge razor and end your life now. Losers.

While I am at it, here is a list of other “Geek” things, that are overrated now.

1.Monty Python and the holy grail. Funny movie, but quoted ad nasuem. Find a new movie to quote.

2. The Evil Dead. The first movie is boring as fuck. The second one alright and Army of Darkness, watchable. The ONLY thing these movies had going for it was the direction of Sam Rami and the acting of Bruce Campbell.

3. Not sure what should go here, I attacked most everything, except Star Trek, and trust me trekkiees, you’re NEXT!

This is the end of this little diatribe…for now. I will update it from time to time with things I may have left out in my attacks. Geeks and fanboys are safe, for now

Essays, Non-fiction, Opinion, retro, Woman, Writing

OMG, BARRACK OBAMA IS GAY? (2009)

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Oh, my God;Did you see that Adam Lambert just admitted he is gay? I don’t believe it.

So ends another vapid exchange between two lesser beings, also known as American Idol fans(I apologize to my great friend, who happens to be smarter then the average American Idol fan, but still enjoys the show.)

America needs to get over its gay obsession. Guess what? gay’s are not new, they have been around as long as humans have. Stop pretending like they are the new toy you just got for Christmas, and awing over them.

I had to check the calender today to see if it was 2009 or 1996…you see, thirteen years ago, a celebrity–hell, anyone really–coming out the closet might have been a major shocker. Now its old hat.

Oh my God, did you know [insert celebrity name here] is gay? The right response to this question is “Who gives a fuck?”

Hey, did you know so and so is straight? That might be more of a surprise in a nation is that slowly becoming gayer and gayer.

Hell, this country seems to have such an obsession with gays that Sometimes we know you’re gay before you even do.

Hey America! If you love gays so much, why don’t you marry them? Oh, thats right, because we’re still a nation of homophobes. Our obsession with gays is more that of an anthroplogist, studying the tribe.

“The gays, they act like real people…astonishing!” “They feel, just like us.”

What an incredible discovery we made;Gays are human, go figure?

and enough with this bullshit phrase “I came out of the closet” it is so cliche. So many gay people “come out” of it on such a daily basis, that one has to wonder; is it a closet or a fucking clown car?

Gay’s and Clowns have a lot in common;both wear obscene amounts of glitter and make up, both are bedecked in outrageous outfits and apparently you can fit shit loads of them into small, dark, tight spaces.

Thats right, I just compared homosexuals to clowns, get the fuck over it.

We need to go back to don’t ask, don’t tell. Because who you fuck is none of my goddamn fucking business. How is knowing the EMT–who is saving your life– takes it in the ass on a nightly basis from his boyfriend going to change who he is as a techinican? So long as he is compentat at what he does, that is all that matters.

No more “gay pride” prades. Guess what? The majority of Americans couldn’t care less you’re here, you’re queer and you’re proud. What I give a shit about is that your fucking parade is holding up traffic.

I’ll vote agasint gay marrige, just on the fact you made me 15 minutes late to my goddamn appoitment.

Another thing, stop comparing this “gay rights” bullshit to the civilrights movment of the 60’s. They are not one and the same thing.

You didn’t see headlines in the 60’s read “Louie Armstrong says “I’m black” did you? It must of been a real shocker when Sammy Davis Jr came out as well.

“Boo hoo, we can’t marry” How would you like a special bubbler(water fountain) that says “Gay use only”?

Oh, thats right, we don’t segerate strights and homo’s, do we? and even if we did, it isn’t as if you could hide it like the blacks could hide there skin color, right?

“but people shouldn’t have to hide who they are” blah blah blah, SHUT IT! The world isn’t perfect, it is the way it is, and you have to make the most out of your life with what you’re delt.

You don’t see me running around yelling out how stright I am, do you?

Do I hog up traffic with stright pride prades, marching giant plaster of paris vaginas up and down the street to show the world how much I love pussy, do you?

Why is that? Because no one gives a shit.

You decide to “come out” you deal with the reactions you get. Its like yelling “fire” in a crowded building,there is going to be a reaction.

I guess what I really wanted to say is this: Being gay is no longer news;stop wasting ink and trees on how the next American Idol winner is queer. Because no one really gives a shit…except for the tweengirls whose hearts you just crushed because the Backstreet Boys are fags.

Well, thats the end of this lengthy diatribe;so much more I want to say, but maybe I’ll save it for a extended version or a part two.

Essays, Non-fiction, Opinion, retro, Writing

Against PC Culture (2008)

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The best thing about America is that I never run out of targets for me to verbally assault with my diatribes.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/12/shriver.thunder/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

This retard wants people to not see Tropic Thunder because they use the word Retard too much and it’s hurtful to…well, retards, much like Mr. Shriver here.

First off, I highly doubt the retards are a big part of the movie going public…wait, scratch that. I need to rephrase this, because well, 90% of this country is retarded and a lot of them are the movie going public, hence why Hollywood spews forth shitty remakes and crappy movies year after year.

Revised: I highly doubt that the “Mentally Challenged- there we go, that is specific to the type of people I want you to in vision while reading this.- are a big part of the movie going public, and I wonder why?

Most probably would not even get the plot of anything that requires more intelligence then a sight gag. The type of movies that would be more suited to the mentally challenged would be something along the lines of “Meet the Spartans” “Scary Movie 4” “Epic movie” “Date Movie” and the new “Disaster movie” which is a most appropriate title given the line of crap movies that came before it.

The mentally challenged probably won’t go see Tropic Thunder unless they go with a non mentally challenged friend or family member.

Why should I, as a fan of the stars of Tropic Thunder (Although some may argue being a Ben Stiller fan may make me a retard) not see this movie because it’s offensive to some? It does not offend me, and the entire side of my mothers family is retarded, baring her, of course.

I watched the Klumps and laughed my ass off, and some could say thats offenive to the fat fucks out there. I really don’t give a shit. Guess what, the joke isn’t being made about me, so there is no reason to get upset. Same for you retards out there. The joke isn’t being made about you, so GET OVER IT!

Mr. Shriver even says we should “Ban” the movie. Wow, a fascist statment coming from someone who, in my opinion, looks like a Republican, latent homosexual, Mormon, wife beating, alcoholic, douche bag. Shocking!

Once again I point out the first admedment. Is it that fucking hard to understand? It protects all speech, weather that speech is popular or not. You don’t have to like it, and you can use your free speech to say you hate it as well. To suggest banning the movie, as well as the word “retard” is just dumb.

You make the argument that people could use those lines and make fun of the mentally challenged, well sure they could, but that’s what is so great about the first amendment, is shows you who the real douche bags are, much like Mr. Shriver.

Mr. Shriver, take your PC loving, leave it to beaver style ass and cram it. Take your victim act somewhere else, because no one else gives a shit.

A movie is a movie, and what people take away from that is up to them. I will not delve too much into this topic given that I have done so in the past, but man do these douche bags piss me off.

P.S. Wow, a whole rant on retards and I didn’t once make a joke about how the country is run by one…whoops, just did. 😀

Essays, Opinion, retro, Woman, Writing

Clingy Bitches (2008)

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If there is one thing that I have noticed in my time on the internet, its stupid fucking bitches who update their MySpace status, or their away messages with comments like “I miss my man”, “I miss my boo” or “I miss[insert dumb fucking pet name]” News flash, I don’t give a shit. I also bet your man don’t appreciate his girlfriend making him out to look like some pansy ass mother fucker.

You know those woman, the ones whose “man” just pulled out the the drive way and they all ready “miss him” These are the woman that need constant attention from their man, and if they don’t get it, they become depressed and their life is meaningless, because they’re emotionally ruined from past experiences. Maybe their daddy left them when they where young, or they been cheated on. The ones that no man seems to want and when they finally dupe someone to give them a chance, they do whatever they can to keep them. They do everything, from whining to emotional blackmail. They run the gumat on ways to make you stay with them.

Another observation I have noticed about these woman, is that they normally fall into one of the following catorgories. Fat, Ugly, Crazy or Slut, altough not always so. Some, presumably normal, woman can be this way as well, but the majority fit into one of the four above mentioned slots, and sometimes all of them.

When you look at the kinds of people these woman are, it’s no wonder they are this way. Why? Cause they are all insecure and have low self esteem. They will usually like anyone who gives them the time of day and is nice to them.

Another thing to note is these types of woman are usually frequenting “internet dating sites” This isn’t to say all woman on internet dating sites are like this either, quite the contrary, I have met at least one level headed girl in my online journeys who is smart, funny, intelligent and anything but the kind of woman I describe. She knows who she is too.

Now men, if you should ever find yourself in the company of a woman like this, or maybe you are dating one all ready, my advice to you is to run while you still can. Trust me, in the long run you will be much happier.

Woman, if you are like the above mention, KILL YOURSELF! Do the world a favor and just end it all ready, seriously. No one wants you to begin with, and you’re just sad and pathetic by trying to hold on to something, or someone who doesn’t want to be there. Trust me, you will be happier.

For the rest of you who miss your man, but do it normally “I.E.” you don’t feel a need to share it with us, I want you to know that’s OK. Its normal to miss a loved one, but not the way most these woman miss their man.

Now, it should be noted that this diatribe is not an attack on anyone in particular, but rather an attack on a “Sub-Culture” of woman, if you will. It should also be noted that woman are NOT the only ones who can be like this. Men can too, and if you’re a man reading this and are like what I have described, you too should end it now.

Essays, Opinion, retro, Writing

Kiddy Diddlers (2008)

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(This is an old piece from an old blogger account I did under a pen name)

Welcome to yet another installment of “The Diabolical Diatribe”, with your host, the always pissed off and angry William Jillette. Today we will be discussing one of the plagues of society, child molesters.

What is a “Child Molester”? Well, a child molester is a person who engages in any type of sexual activity with a person under the age of consent in their given community, usually one who is pre-pubescent. Typically, for one or more of the following reasons:

1.) He/She is a Pedophile. Meaning that they have a predilection towards being attracted to child who are pre-pubescent.

2.) He/She is looking for a surrogate. Basically these types use the child in place of a, usually preferred, adult sexual outlet.

3.) He/She is Sadistic. These types get off on just being sick fucks and making children suffer.

It’s important to note the difference between a pedophile and a child molester. While molesters can be pedophiles, it is not always the case. The term “Pedophile” was created to group individuals who have a sexual inclination towards children. The pre-pubescent kind.

With that now out of the way, I want to state that this blog will concentrate and attack the third kind of child molester, and that’s the sadistic kind. While all forms of child molesters are sick, I feel these sick mother fuckers deserve the blunt of my attacks, because they tend to be much more perverse and cruel then your typical child molester.

I write this blog for two reasons:

1.) The other day the supreme court ruled that the death penalty was considered “Cruel and unusual punishment…for a crime that did not involve the death of the victim as well”

Read: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080625/ap_on_go_su_co/scotus_child_rape

2.) Because of some asshole who gets off to freaking and tweaking adult victims of molestation because he is a sick fuck and thinks joking about rape is funny.

Why are we protecting child molesters from death because it’s “Cruel and unusual”? Is not what these bastards do to these kids “cruel and unusual” as well? Why is the death penalty so wrong?

Justice is about proper punishment to fit the crime and I can’t see any punishment more fitting for these scum bags. Ok, maybe I’m letting my emotions get the best of me. Maybe the death penalty isn’t needed for all of these scumbags, because after all, seeing a child molester get ass rapped in jail is what I would consider poetic justice. Then again, these are people that like fucking kids, so maybe they like taking it in the ass too.

Maybe we shouldn’t kill every one of them, although the thought had crossed my mind as a very good idea. Let’s go with this one ok.

What if we put them in a giant facility for the rest of their lives where they get to live in comfort and have fun luxuries afford to them all at the expense of the tax payer? What’s that? You would never want to see that happen? Well hate to burst your bubble, but too late. Indeed such a facility exist and is in use. Search for yahoo news should yield the article to back up this statement.

I mean honestly, what better deterrent from committing sex crimes against minors could there be besides death?

Ok, some of you are probably bitching, “Well, what about the first two type of offenders, the non sadistic ones, should they die too?” While killing them all would be great, we can’t. Fucking Liberals. But, the death penalty should be imposed for those based on the crime. What about the fucking asshole that rapes a child day after day, year after year. Should they still be allowed to live? fuck no. I say DEATH PENALTY for these jerk offs. Anal rape is much too nice of a punishment for these douche bags.

What about those that rape multiple children? How about Multiple offenders? They can’t be trust to not touch children and the jails are getting crowed as is. Why not kill them off and let them fertilize the earth? Hey, I finally found a use for Sex offenders, other than cheap labor. Still, Mexicans are cheaper, nicer and have a better work ethic. I think I rather have the Mexican working for me. In fact, lets build an electrified fence on the border of Mexico and start an exchange program. We get a Mexican who will become a productive citizen of the USA, and they get one of our sex offenders. Great deal in my opinion, where do we sign?

This will keep those asshole out of our country and allow people who want a better place to live to do so.

This will also keep stupid ass mother fuckers from coveting our children while we are out and about and keep them from harassing people who where victims and forcing them to have nightmares about said attacks that happened when they where kids. This dumb fuck knows who he is and he deserves a beat down.

One last bit, off topic, because I can’t think straight. RAPE IS NOT A JOKE! Telling someone you are goanna rape them because you’re mad at someone they know is not a joke, its sick and this fuck rag deserves a kick in his balls. May you get hit by a car you child molesting asshole.