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Category Archives: Writing
JoyLand Book Review (2014)
Devin “Jonesy” Jones is a twenty-one year old college student with writing aspirations. In the summer of 1973, he finds himself spending his summer working for an amusement park known as Joyland, hoping to get over his former girlfriend. But Joyland is anything but jovial. It has a dark past filled with murder, mystery and most of all, a ghost.
I found Joyland to be relatively enjoyable read. It’s not an amazing read but enjoyable. King managed to craft a sympathetic character who is funny, likeable and mildly interesting.
The problem is, Joyland is less of a thriller/detective story and more of a coming of age tale. The seedy history of Joyland was really more of a B-plot that occasionally reared its head to remind you that you’re reading a Stephen King book and not some light fluff remincient of a Nicholas Sparks book.
The crux of the story really hinges on life lessons learned during a summer away from college when Devin just happens to fail backwards into solving an old mystery.
So if you bought Joyland hopping for a gritty noir story, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Unlike 11/22/63, King’s previous outing before Joyland, this book just doesn’t satisfy.
It lacks the King hallmark that have brought millions of readers into the fold for years. While being different is ultimately a good thing, it didn’t seem to work here.
One of the many things that define a Stephen King novel is his ability to craft characters with backstory’s so rich, you’d think you would have known them their entire lives. Not so here. We get glimpses into Devin’s past and present throughout the book but never enough to think he truly know the character. He might be likeable but the real mystery is Devin himself.
Another hallmark was King’s ability to bring you into the past. You would think that you were in the time period he writes about as opposed to just being privy to someone’s story. You could almost be walking right alongside his characters as his story was happening and not just passively listening to someone else’s story.
I do appreciate the references to various novels, music and writers. The cover of the book perfect, capturing those dime store novels of the past and the fact it was only released in paperback makes me appreciate it all the more.
Although it’s a short read, I think you’ll find yourself left unsatied by this King effort if you go into it with the wrong mind set. Be forwarned that the book is less a mystery and more a character story. It has its moments and I’m sure you’ll take something away from this as you will any King book. Only time will tell if it will stay with you, though.
Three out of five stars.
What the fuck? (2012)
We live in a world that’s entirely disconnected from one another. We use social networking sites ironically. We bond, through bondage. We forge our chains in life and wear them to the grave.
We give thanks at Thanksgiving and celebrate goodwill towards man at Christmas, all ironically. For it is inherit to paylip service to ideals but not truly believe in them.
We all think we are right but couldn’t be more wrong.
We force our views on everyone in a need to control everything.
We judge collectively. We form tribes in everything we do. We are tribes within tribes within tribes within tribes. Sports to racism. It’s all tribalism at its worst.
We are greedy, narcissistic and contradictory.
We don’t have sex. We fuck. EVERYTHING.
All life is sacred. Some are more sacred than others.
We are selflessly selfish.
We are surrounded by others but always alone.
We have emotions but do not truly feel.
Greed and Empathy are lovers. For in order to do for others, we must first ask how I would feel.
We shun living as one but all ready do.
We look alike, talk alike, dress alike and think alike. Will the real humanity please stand up?
We are collectively individuals.
We are logically illogical.
We fear indoctrination but indoctrinate everyday.
We don’t have kids. We have clones.
We don’t live. We just pass time till death.
You are not the problem. Everyone else is.
We grow up yet we don’t. We are the unevolved evolved.
We are everything and we are nothing.
This piece is everything it hates.
I,I,I,I,I
Me,Me,Me,Me,Me
We,We,We,We,We
Us,Us,Us,Us,Us
Them,Them,Them,Them,Them.
We are fine. You are not.
We are insanely sane. Uncomfortably comfortable. Unsymbioticly symbiotic. Patronizingly Patriotic. Condescendingly condescending. Openly Closed. Highly low and lowly high. Perfectly imperfect. We are upside down and inside out. We know nothing about everything and everything about nothing and we are spiritlessly spiritual.
I am he, as you are he, as you are me and we are all together. Everything is in interpretation.
Don’t panic. It’s just a ride.
Everything will be fine.
FUCK NERD CULTURE (2009)
Starwars sucks. There, I said it. I just commited the highest blasphemy in geek history. My cpu will be sent trojans (unforuntly not condoms, cause a Starwars fan has never known a womans touch) Dorks will camp outside my house for months just to get a chance to hit me with there plastic TOY sabers. The anti-christ will come forth to cause destruction and cats and dogs will be living together. Mass hysteria!
Now, with that said, I will not overlook the contributions that Starwars has given to the cinema. Without Lucas and ILM making Starwars, who knows where movie special fx would have went. Would we have a lot of our beloved movies we have today, had Starwars not come first? Prob. not. We also have it to partily thank for Kevin Smiths career. Kevin Smith is awesome, but I digress.
I highly doubt there is a Starwars fan among you that can say they, at one point or another, have not been fed up with the “holy trilogy”. Even bored by it. How many times has Lucas messed with the oringal flims? How about how bad Episodes 1 and 2 sucked? the only reason people liked 3 was to see the return of Vader. Hardly Worth suffering through Jar Jar binks for.
Starwars has become too mainstrem for its own good. Everyone is a Starwars fan now. Part of being a geek is liking the obscure. Things others don’t find cool, we do.
This goes double for you fantasy loving geeks out there. Lord of the Rings SUCKS! Those are the most blatlenty homo-erotic movies ever concived. While the books might be good, the movies are boring and GAY! Just because you’re the grandfather of all fantasy, doesn’t mean everything about you is awesome.
While I am at it, Horror needs a kick in the nuts. Its all the same. Saw movies SUCK! Hostel movies SUCK! PG-13 horror SUCKS! J-horror SUCKS! Remakes SUCK! Zombie movies and fans, SUCK! I ain’t even talking about Rob here, I am talking about movies about zombies. Zombies are the worst monsters ever, stop holding them up on a pedestal, RETARDS!
Following this suit, Freddy, Jason, Micheal, Chucky and Pinhead, need to stay DEAD! Freddy is a joke. Jason is boring. Micheal gets raped by shitty musicans who think they can direct, and the Hellrasier movies, while they all suck to begin with, don’t even involve Pinhead anymore.
Horror just plain sucks now. It’s fun while your a kid, but it soon loses it luster after you realize how they’re all the same movie, repacked to be sucked up by the idiot public.
RPG’s are DUMB! D&D sucks. So don’t you if you have discussions about how your broad soward gets +7 damage if cast at night and other retarded things. The only decent RPG is prob Vampire the Requiem and other White Wolf games.
If you’re one of those losers that plays any RPG all day, and I don’t care if it’s D&D or World of Warcraft (Which sucks just as much) or any RPG, you need to take a stright edge razor and end your life now. Losers.
While I am at it, here is a list of other “Geek” things, that are overrated now.
1.Monty Python and the holy grail. Funny movie, but quoted ad nasuem. Find a new movie to quote.
2. The Evil Dead. The first movie is boring as fuck. The second one alright and Army of Darkness, watchable. The ONLY thing these movies had going for it was the direction of Sam Rami and the acting of Bruce Campbell.
3. Not sure what should go here, I attacked most everything, except Star Trek, and trust me trekkiees, you’re NEXT!
This is the end of this little diatribe…for now. I will update it from time to time with things I may have left out in my attacks. Geeks and fanboys are safe, for now
OMG, BARRACK OBAMA IS GAY? (2009)
Oh, my God;Did you see that Adam Lambert just admitted he is gay? I don’t believe it.
So ends another vapid exchange between two lesser beings, also known as American Idol fans(I apologize to my great friend, who happens to be smarter then the average American Idol fan, but still enjoys the show.)
America needs to get over its gay obsession. Guess what? gay’s are not new, they have been around as long as humans have. Stop pretending like they are the new toy you just got for Christmas, and awing over them.
I had to check the calender today to see if it was 2009 or 1996…you see, thirteen years ago, a celebrity–hell, anyone really–coming out the closet might have been a major shocker. Now its old hat.
Oh my God, did you know [insert celebrity name here] is gay? The right response to this question is “Who gives a fuck?”
Hey, did you know so and so is straight? That might be more of a surprise in a nation is that slowly becoming gayer and gayer.
Hell, this country seems to have such an obsession with gays that Sometimes we know you’re gay before you even do.
Hey America! If you love gays so much, why don’t you marry them? Oh, thats right, because we’re still a nation of homophobes. Our obsession with gays is more that of an anthroplogist, studying the tribe.
“The gays, they act like real people…astonishing!” “They feel, just like us.”
What an incredible discovery we made;Gays are human, go figure?
and enough with this bullshit phrase “I came out of the closet” it is so cliche. So many gay people “come out” of it on such a daily basis, that one has to wonder; is it a closet or a fucking clown car?
Gay’s and Clowns have a lot in common;both wear obscene amounts of glitter and make up, both are bedecked in outrageous outfits and apparently you can fit shit loads of them into small, dark, tight spaces.
Thats right, I just compared homosexuals to clowns, get the fuck over it.
We need to go back to don’t ask, don’t tell. Because who you fuck is none of my goddamn fucking business. How is knowing the EMT–who is saving your life– takes it in the ass on a nightly basis from his boyfriend going to change who he is as a techinican? So long as he is compentat at what he does, that is all that matters.
No more “gay pride” prades. Guess what? The majority of Americans couldn’t care less you’re here, you’re queer and you’re proud. What I give a shit about is that your fucking parade is holding up traffic.
I’ll vote agasint gay marrige, just on the fact you made me 15 minutes late to my goddamn appoitment.
Another thing, stop comparing this “gay rights” bullshit to the civilrights movment of the 60’s. They are not one and the same thing.
You didn’t see headlines in the 60’s read “Louie Armstrong says “I’m black” did you? It must of been a real shocker when Sammy Davis Jr came out as well.
“Boo hoo, we can’t marry” How would you like a special bubbler(water fountain) that says “Gay use only”?
Oh, thats right, we don’t segerate strights and homo’s, do we? and even if we did, it isn’t as if you could hide it like the blacks could hide there skin color, right?
“but people shouldn’t have to hide who they are” blah blah blah, SHUT IT! The world isn’t perfect, it is the way it is, and you have to make the most out of your life with what you’re delt.
You don’t see me running around yelling out how stright I am, do you?
Do I hog up traffic with stright pride prades, marching giant plaster of paris vaginas up and down the street to show the world how much I love pussy, do you?
Why is that? Because no one gives a shit.
You decide to “come out” you deal with the reactions you get. Its like yelling “fire” in a crowded building,there is going to be a reaction.
I guess what I really wanted to say is this: Being gay is no longer news;stop wasting ink and trees on how the next American Idol winner is queer. Because no one really gives a shit…except for the tweengirls whose hearts you just crushed because the Backstreet Boys are fags.
Well, thats the end of this lengthy diatribe;so much more I want to say, but maybe I’ll save it for a extended version or a part two.
Against PC Culture (2008)
The best thing about America is that I never run out of targets for me to verbally assault with my diatribes.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/12/shriver.thunder/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
This retard wants people to not see Tropic Thunder because they use the word Retard too much and it’s hurtful to…well, retards, much like Mr. Shriver here.
First off, I highly doubt the retards are a big part of the movie going public…wait, scratch that. I need to rephrase this, because well, 90% of this country is retarded and a lot of them are the movie going public, hence why Hollywood spews forth shitty remakes and crappy movies year after year.
Revised: I highly doubt that the “Mentally Challenged- there we go, that is specific to the type of people I want you to in vision while reading this.- are a big part of the movie going public, and I wonder why?
Most probably would not even get the plot of anything that requires more intelligence then a sight gag. The type of movies that would be more suited to the mentally challenged would be something along the lines of “Meet the Spartans” “Scary Movie 4” “Epic movie” “Date Movie” and the new “Disaster movie” which is a most appropriate title given the line of crap movies that came before it.
The mentally challenged probably won’t go see Tropic Thunder unless they go with a non mentally challenged friend or family member.
Why should I, as a fan of the stars of Tropic Thunder (Although some may argue being a Ben Stiller fan may make me a retard) not see this movie because it’s offensive to some? It does not offend me, and the entire side of my mothers family is retarded, baring her, of course.
I watched the Klumps and laughed my ass off, and some could say thats offenive to the fat fucks out there. I really don’t give a shit. Guess what, the joke isn’t being made about me, so there is no reason to get upset. Same for you retards out there. The joke isn’t being made about you, so GET OVER IT!
Mr. Shriver even says we should “Ban” the movie. Wow, a fascist statment coming from someone who, in my opinion, looks like a Republican, latent homosexual, Mormon, wife beating, alcoholic, douche bag. Shocking!
Once again I point out the first admedment. Is it that fucking hard to understand? It protects all speech, weather that speech is popular or not. You don’t have to like it, and you can use your free speech to say you hate it as well. To suggest banning the movie, as well as the word “retard” is just dumb.
You make the argument that people could use those lines and make fun of the mentally challenged, well sure they could, but that’s what is so great about the first amendment, is shows you who the real douche bags are, much like Mr. Shriver.
Mr. Shriver, take your PC loving, leave it to beaver style ass and cram it. Take your victim act somewhere else, because no one else gives a shit.
A movie is a movie, and what people take away from that is up to them. I will not delve too much into this topic given that I have done so in the past, but man do these douche bags piss me off.
P.S. Wow, a whole rant on retards and I didn’t once make a joke about how the country is run by one…whoops, just did. 😀
