Tag Archives: movie reviews

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KAGEOWEEN: The Door, psychological horror

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So I’ve mentioned before I’ve been working on this since 2022. I finally scored it and edited together a rough cut and I do mean rough. It needs about 10 more mins to make me happy with it, however I’m posting it anyways.

So originally the concept was about a clock in my 20s and the passage of time, especially as a writer. However, that never came to be because the tech I was using sucked and looked nothing like a film. However, Apple has caught up with really good tech and allowed me to create my student film that should have been done 17 years earlier. For those in the back, let me reiterate, I was 22 when I got that camera and I’ll be 40 in about 5 months. So yeah, a long ass time.

It needs work, but it has potential I figured.

The Door: Rough Cut

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Five Nights At Silent Hill (Until Dawn movie) review

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INTRODUCTION: So I’ve never played the game series this is based on, which is good, because I can give it a review from a general audience perspective. I’ve done the fanboy review thing enough that n my life.

PLOT: Video game ID blicks 4 young actors into thinking this will be a career catalyst, only to realize they probably aren’t finding more roles.

CHARACTERS: devoid of development and we don’t give a fuck about any of them.

ACTING: Not bad. You ain’t winning over the academy, but it’s more than tolerable.

FX: Not winning any awards either.

KILLS: Meh, except one part.

MUSIC: it exists

VISUALS: Dated to 2009 era, wanna be 70s/80s pallette scheme.

SUBTEXT: Surving Hollywood requires a lot of blow. Not even joking about this subtext. Think about it, unknown non developed actors, have to “survive” this bs five nights at Freddy’s by Silent Hill cross over and they have an hour glass looming over their fate. Yeah! Obviously it’s exactly about blow and being an actor.

CONCLUSION: This movie is plagued by trying to force homages to various horror tropes of yesterday and fails to find an identity all its own. The movie could have had a dank premise that turned things around on its head, had they had a competent crew, writer, director to elevate an interesting concept from c tier to a tier . The non fan of the game series is going to be left scratching their heads as to what the fuck is going on and why it’s happening. Much like the characters, we’re stuck in a loop wondering why we even bothered to watch.

2 out of 5 stars.

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Happy Gilmore 2

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INTRODUCTION: So I’m only watching this because MJF is in it. It really doesn’t need a sequel, like most of Adam’s movies, because they all interchangeably the same. Man child with metal impairment tries to make people laugh. The only one that’s let laughing is normally Sandler himself with his large bags of money.

PLOT: Adam Sandler, desperate for relevancy, revives unneeded character for Netflix.

CHARACTERS: Fuck the returning cast. We’re going to look at the newbies.

Some of the newer rookie characters could been slightly better developed, but otherwise it’s not horrible. Becky lynch being the least interesting of the characters.

ACTING: Mostly excellent. MJF was excellent, even in such a small role. Becky Lynch acting is almost as good as her Jeopardy episode. lol

DIALOGUE: excellent.

HUMOR: Dated and cliche Adam Sandler stuff, but it works.

FX: really good for a comedy

MUSIC: excellent.

SUBTEXT: none.

CONCLUSION: A sequel no one needed, and no one asked for. However, unlike anything since his movie like Grown Ups has Adam Sandler really managed to recover from, in my mind, a failing career. However, this movie pretty much turns that around and gives Adam Sandler movie the old charm of the 90s original, but matures it in a new way. Even changing some old tropes on its head in the process. Really heartfelt and beautiful. Sandler in top form.

3.5 out of 5 stars.

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Popeye:The Revenge Movie Review

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INTRODUCTION: So when Winnie the Pooh became public domain, some Indy producers decided to get cute and turn it into a horror movie. It worked, albeit it was a poor movie. However, it started a trend that didn’t need to happen. Now we have the famous sailor hero killing people. Groan!

PLOT: Jason Vorhees returns again…wait, I mean popeye.

CHARACTERS: Sparse as fuck.

ACTING: Almost 1980s bad, which to be honest is actually the best part of this cringe fest, because Hollywood has been so sterilized with acting that finding a horrible performance is actually a nice change of pace. Look, it’s rare for me to dogg on someone for their looks, normally you got to be a real asshole for me to do that, but these actresses aren’t even ready to be on public access, never mind a movie. The point of casting pretty people is because they make good propaganda. Why? Think of a murder. Grizzly and ugly. Think of something like a hamburger, juicy and beautiful. Beauty is tied to human psychology with aesthetics and seems to always positively associate with good vs bad. So if you cast mid card actors with terrible development, it makes the movie even less effective. Well, at least one of them had nice tits, so there’s that, I guess.

STYLE: Low budget. It looks 2007 and that might as well be the 80s style wise now.

FX: Tom Savani called, he wants his retro fx back.

MUSIC: horribly mid as per the usual. You know the internet has plenty of musicians than can score well and much like Hollywood ignores the music industry in favor of horrible wanna be John Williams, we get garbage.

CONCLUSION: a movie no one needs, no one wants and managed to turn an icon into a knock off jason Vorhees. It’s no easy task to be this big of a fuck up, but boy did these assholes say “hold my beer.” Which I guess is ironically a success, because hey, here they are getting attention for it, which at the end of the day, most people are all about. Too bad this pitiful pos won’t recoup the most important part of doing this, the money.

2 out of 5 stars

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Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Rambo: Last Blood (2019) review

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INTRODUCTION: So a fun fact. When I was born, my father actually considered naming me Rambo, after this movie. Interestingly enough, I wouldn’t see any of them until I was in my early 20’s, in preparation for Rambo 4, in 2008 ish. While I didn’t review Rambo 4 back then, I decided to give this one a review.

PLOT: an aging baby boomer actor, needs a comeback, er, I mean, John Rambo, retired and living on a ranch near Mexico, finds himself up against Mexican Drug Cartels, after losing someone close to him.

CHARACTERS: Glib as fuck villains, but the depth between John Rambo and a young woman whom isn’t his daughter, but treats in a similar fashion, is there and a great part to the set up.

DIALOGUE: Very good, including a great part right before the finale. It’s as good as as the “When you’re pushed, killing is as easy as breathing” from part 4.

VISUALS: Stunning.

FX: Excellent

MUSIC: Works, but not necessarily Iconic. In fact, some of it reminds me of the Terminator films.

SUBTEXT: None

CONCLUSION: The original Rambo is an iconic and poignant movie about a young Vietnam veteran that had trouble reintegrating into society, post war and spoke to the ills of the US government to do better for their men and woman on the front lines. It then delved into a mediocre action series that was the butt of jokes. If you ever played GTA:Vice City you’ll fondly recall the soundbit of Rockstar games mocking Rambo “your wife needs you.” Says his commander. He replies with “I’m not married” and then the officer says “You are now, to America!” Which I believe was making fun of part 3. Among other mockery of this character. Which is sad, given how good part one is. However, what could have been another boring addition to a needed action series like part 4, they bring back John’s PTSD affliction, as he pops his medicine out the bottle. It’s good they recon’d this. Making Rambo very sympathetic to the audience, that he isn’t a one dimensional action character. Mixing with the chemistry Sly had with the actress that is a sort of daughter, it hits you and makes you seeing Rambo go, well, Rambo on everyone’s sorry ass worth every second, especially the last kill. Worth every second!

5 out of 5 stars.

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Evil Dead Rise, a Movie Review

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INTRODUCTION: I was going to review this for Kageoween, but it sucked so bad that I said fuck it and am reviewing it now.

PLOT: The Deadites return but in New York or some shit.

ACTING: It works, not the worst I’ve seen, but still pretty bad.

DIALOGUE: Not cringe, so it has that going for it.

CHARACTERS: Crap. not even stock. Pretty much relies on making you sympathetic by going after children.

SFX: only ok

SUBTEXT: zero

CONCLUSION: This movie wasn’t needed. It was worthless. I never saw the remake from 2013, but pretty sure that was less worthless than this. If you ever thought Bruce Campbell wasn’t a much needed part of this franchise, this movie might change your mind. It’s mindless, midcard horror and dumb as fuck. Really wish I never bothered watching.

1 star out of 5.