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Kagegiving: The Batman, 2022, review

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Apparently Matt Reeves cast both Obama and The Nostalgia Critic as Joker gang members.

INTRODUCTION: When The Batman was first announced, I was excited. That was until they cast the fuckin Twilight twink as my favorite superhero. Wait! Batman doesn’t fuckin sparkle, I thought to myself and immediately posted an unnecessary tweet about how Robert Pattinson wasn’t MY Batman, like a petulant never -trumper. Unfortunately for me, much like the aforementioned never trumpers, he WAS my Batman for the foreseeable future, because the WB said so. Not too long after filming got underway, Covid hit, stopping this movie dead in its tracks. The WB might not care, but were the fates or fabled movie Gods on my side? Sadly not, since I’m writing this review. So is this something to be thankful for?

PLOT: ugh! It’s an orgin story for the trillionth time, but this time it’s year 3 or some bullshit, instead of year one, with a stupid fuckin Nivarina song, instead of Seal. How fuckin original Mr. Reeves.

CHARACTERS: it’s Batman, we have seen them to death. At this point, we cannot care about character development from one singular Batman film, since there is a wealth of development for all these characters, spanning nearly a century.

STYLE: Very gritty. Dark and you know, Nolan like. Never seen that before! /sarcasm

ACTING: When Heath Ledger was first announced in The Dark Knight, much like the sparkling champagne, er, vampire, I was revulsed. The guy from 10 things I hate about you? Groan! I was wrong and Heath gave a killer performance. Was this to be true here as well? Well, in part. You see Mr. Pattinson is a shitty Bruce Wayne and looks way too old for a Batman in his beginnings, but as for Batman? Well, he fuckin nailed it! Sure the weird internal monologue at the beginning made Batman seem like a psychopath, but by the end, Batman gets character arch, something he never had, and was much needed.

Paul Dano, a mostly forgotten, but decent actor, makes for a truly frightening foe to Batman. Riddler wasn’t just another Joker, he’s a incel madman. Only thing is, they put a tad too much Heath Ledger joker references into him, such as the viral video and the obsession with Batman. Otherwise, fantastic.

Collin Ferrel was at his best in this movie. He really seemed like an actor for once and was entirely lost in The Penguin.

Every one else was on point as well.

MUSIC: very fitting, minus the stupid fucking Nivarina song.

FX: Very good.

CONCLUSION: I may have been reticent in the beginning, but this movie won me over. It even almost made me cry, with the whole Alfred in the hospital thing. I had a few nitpicks, but those are not worth mentioning by the end. Batman essentially loses to The Riddler in part and main characters can be injured. Keeping me on the edge of my seat though the entire flick. For a movie that I had no clue as to which audience this would be for, given the Nolan Trilogy was so fresh in people’s minds, creating a new series was hardly called for, nor would one want to try and idiotically, I might add, step into a great man’s shoes. As it turns out, this is the Batman we deserve, even if we didn’t need it.

4.7 out of 5

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Kagegiving: Joker, 2019, movie review

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INTRODUCTION: This movie came out in 2019, as the most unique concept in movie history, but also very popularizing to audiences that thought this type of movie might embolden incels to mass violence, ala the Auroa, Co incident. That, thankfully, never happened. What we did end up with is a movie that is getting a sequel soon and so I decided to finally give this film a go. So is it something to be thankful for?

PLOT: A young man with NPD and a laugh condition, struggles to fit into a 1970s-1980s era world, then eventually becomes the joker.

MUSIC: Catchy retro tunes.

CHARACTERS: Arthur Fleck is the most remarkable and remembered of all the characters. The rest kinda exist and are not as well developed.

VISUALS: Stunning! I’ve seen enough retro movies to know that Todd Phillips nailed the style he was going for. It’s retro, but not tacky. Every thing, including the typewriter print, was so painfully accurate. The most non authentic part of this movie, I would argue, was the revolver. It had a pin on the hammer. While it never says what year the movie actually is, I suspect it’s between 1977-1982, Smith and Wesson revolvers with modern, no pin hammers were becoming way more common place. I like that Todd went with this choice though, because those type of revolvers were more dangerous than the strictly hammer ones. Which adds to the character of the joker.

DIALOGUE: very good!

ACTING: Superb! Joquian is amazing in this film. The rest of the cast is very good as well, leading to a believable world where this guy, very well could be, the joker.

FX: just basic faux ballsistics. The stunt with Joker getting hit by the car is good. Very cringe when the taxi hits.

CONCLUSION: a few weird artistic stylings aside, this movie is interesting. I cannot say I am a fan of it, because I think an otherwise, I Am Sam like movie, looking at the hardships of a human being, is bogged down in the safety of calling him the joker, in order for this film to be commercially viable. It also forces filming redundant Batman orgin mythology in order to make sure it is a DC film. It’s a unique strategy, which worked, but really shouldn’t and what makes me like this film less than I otherwise might have, had Arthur been given more opportunities to take a different path to a resolution in his life, instead of being a murderer, which ultimately makes this film predictable. That said, objectively, it’s not a bad movie, just not as great as it could of been and one that definitely doesn’t need a sequel to it. I’m thankful for it unique premise, but not much else.

3 out of 5

kageoween, Reviews, Writing

Kageoween: Hocus Pocus 2

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Introduction: I hated the first flick with a passion. I was born and grew up in Salem and remember when it was being made. I know and have seen all the local haunts in the flick. There was nothing more special about that flick than a million other movies before it. So was this worth a 29 year wait?

Synopsis: The witches are back. Thanks virgins!

Acting: very solid and on par with the first ones.

Dialogue: very good.

Characters: Slightly stock, albeit fun additions, be nice if they were better rounded.

Visuals: way better than the first, but the CGI sucked.

Subtext: None really, unless you want to get into some stuff about how these movies are very lesbian chic before it was cool.

Conclusion: This movie moves at a brisker pace than the original. It’s funnier than the original and in a lot of ways that actually improved things better the second time around. It’s darker in tone than the original, especially on one joke about eating a child’s face. Never mind the fact these versions don’t mess around. The worst part of this flick is how much of Sarah Jessica Parker’s legs seem to show in a kids movie. It’s nostalgic, while different. I actually enjoyed this one, unlike the original. Extra bonus points for the retro newspaper kiosk outside Walgreens.

3 out of 5 stars

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Kageoween:Hellrasier 2022

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INTRO: Never been a fan of this series. I only ever liked the Pinheaded and the puzzle box. My favorite entry into this series was Hellrasier 3: Hell on Earth. So to say I had high hopes for this would be egregious overstatement. So how is it? Well I am reviewing it in the middle of watching it, for once.

SYNOPSIS: Uh, idiots find the rubric cube, we the lament configuration and hellarity ensues.

CHARACTERS: Shallow as fuck, stock idiot characters. All horrible characters, except for the gay brother, who cares for his junkie sister, but oh, fuck that character 20 mins in, says the director.

SFX/VISUAL: mediocre for Hollywood, good for HULU, but a YouTuber has probably done better.

SUBTEXT: None.

CONCLUSIONS: When compared to later iterations of the Hellrasier series, which became weird detective flicks, this movie seems like a step in the right direction. As a remake, it fails to live up to what made most people like the original, which was themes of BDSM, or some other bullshit. I honestly never noticed any of that, but people say they liked that, so if you’re one that liked that “subtext” then this isn’t for you. If you’re like me and only into this because Pinhead was awesome, this isn’t for you. If you want to see something that isn’t even unique like the 1987 movie, this movie isn’t for you. So who is this for? People that buy misfits shirts at Walmart and never even listened to the band. People who want to fit in and front about they saw a Hellrasier too. That’s who this is for.

1/5 stars

Movies, Non-fiction, Review, Writing

The Wrong Missy, David Spade Revival Theater

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INTRODUCTION

Well, it seems Netflix decided what the world needed after nearly two decades of absence was another David Spade flick. Oh joy!

CHARACTERS:
Shit! All the same BS these movies are known for, simple archetypes, if you can call them that.

ACTING:
None have ever been horrible actors, so, unlike this flick, its tolerable.

VISUALS:
Fantastic, which is more than I can say for the rest of the movie.

WRITING:
Shit! Fuckin’ stupid premise, horrible jokes, terrible story overall.

DIALOGUE:
Same as above

MUSIC:
None that I noticed.

SUBTEXT:
Devoid of it

CONCLUSION:
They couldn’t be bothered to make a movie, I can’t be bothered to do much of a review as I have said before. This piece of shit is unfunny. Happy Gilmore is nothing but a group of aging boomers that never grew up and the subject matter shows in this movie. I would say they are attempt to recapture their “glory years” but you would have to have had glory years for that to be true. It’s sad and pathetic group of people that are now stealing money from companies like Netflix, whom will see no fucking return, just to keep their dipshit friends employed within Hollywood. They’re not actors, they’re over glorified welfare recipients. David Spade sent his career to finally visit Chris Farley and after this outing, maybe he should consider doing the same.

0 out of 5 stars.

Fashionably Late Reviews, Movies, Reviews

Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Solo-A Star Wars Story

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INTRODUCTION: This is it! The movie that killed all future Star Wars stories. What was wrong with it exactly? Depends on the side of the fence you’re on. Some thing it was too soon past The Last Jedi and other blame the forced politics of this one. Regardless, we’re going to look at this objectively.

SYNOPSIS: Han Solo’s origin story.

CHARACTERS: All the new characters are 100% rememorable. Not a single one is worthless. All are distinctive and add a different dimension to this film.

ACTING: Not a single worthless actor. Everyone was excellent in this. Playing Han was a big challenge and boy did Alden Ehrenreich live up to it.

FX:On point and amazing!

SUBTEXT: None! Don’t listen to the idiots who hate this, it isn’t pro feminishm. This idiots, who bullshit ramblings have higher diminishing returns than this movie need to shut up and go away. All the same things that have always been Star Wars are in this movie and a droid leading a rebellion to free other droids is not subtext, it’s old hat in this series.

CONCLUSION:
This movie doesn’t break from convention, but it doesn’t need too. While the story has a few inconsistencies with continuity, like Han being part of the empire for a while, which he fails to mention in any of the “Holy” trilogy, it is still fun and very much a Star Wars movie. I don’t care if any of these scenes are considered “iconic” as it was fun and given the firing of Lord and Miller during the zero hour and being able to still complete a fun film, that says a lot about the ability of these actors, filmmakers, writers and all the rest. I for one wouldn’t mind a sequel!


4 out of 5 stars