Tag Archives: Horror reviews

Writing

KAGEOWEEN: The Door, psychological horror

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So I’ve mentioned before I’ve been working on this since 2022. I finally scored it and edited together a rough cut and I do mean rough. It needs about 10 more mins to make me happy with it, however I’m posting it anyways.

So originally the concept was about a clock in my 20s and the passage of time, especially as a writer. However, that never came to be because the tech I was using sucked and looked nothing like a film. However, Apple has caught up with really good tech and allowed me to create my student film that should have been done 17 years earlier. For those in the back, let me reiterate, I was 22 when I got that camera and I’ll be 40 in about 5 months. So yeah, a long ass time.

It needs work, but it has potential I figured.

The Door: Rough Cut

Writing

Five Nights At Silent Hill (Until Dawn movie) review

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INTRODUCTION: So I’ve never played the game series this is based on, which is good, because I can give it a review from a general audience perspective. I’ve done the fanboy review thing enough that n my life.

PLOT: Video game ID blicks 4 young actors into thinking this will be a career catalyst, only to realize they probably aren’t finding more roles.

CHARACTERS: devoid of development and we don’t give a fuck about any of them.

ACTING: Not bad. You ain’t winning over the academy, but it’s more than tolerable.

FX: Not winning any awards either.

KILLS: Meh, except one part.

MUSIC: it exists

VISUALS: Dated to 2009 era, wanna be 70s/80s pallette scheme.

SUBTEXT: Surving Hollywood requires a lot of blow. Not even joking about this subtext. Think about it, unknown non developed actors, have to “survive” this bs five nights at Freddy’s by Silent Hill cross over and they have an hour glass looming over their fate. Yeah! Obviously it’s exactly about blow and being an actor.

CONCLUSION: This movie is plagued by trying to force homages to various horror tropes of yesterday and fails to find an identity all its own. The movie could have had a dank premise that turned things around on its head, had they had a competent crew, writer, director to elevate an interesting concept from c tier to a tier . The non fan of the game series is going to be left scratching their heads as to what the fuck is going on and why it’s happening. Much like the characters, we’re stuck in a loop wondering why we even bothered to watch.

2 out of 5 stars.

Writing

Popeye:The Revenge Movie Review

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INTRODUCTION: So when Winnie the Pooh became public domain, some Indy producers decided to get cute and turn it into a horror movie. It worked, albeit it was a poor movie. However, it started a trend that didn’t need to happen. Now we have the famous sailor hero killing people. Groan!

PLOT: Jason Vorhees returns again…wait, I mean popeye.

CHARACTERS: Sparse as fuck.

ACTING: Almost 1980s bad, which to be honest is actually the best part of this cringe fest, because Hollywood has been so sterilized with acting that finding a horrible performance is actually a nice change of pace. Look, it’s rare for me to dogg on someone for their looks, normally you got to be a real asshole for me to do that, but these actresses aren’t even ready to be on public access, never mind a movie. The point of casting pretty people is because they make good propaganda. Why? Think of a murder. Grizzly and ugly. Think of something like a hamburger, juicy and beautiful. Beauty is tied to human psychology with aesthetics and seems to always positively associate with good vs bad. So if you cast mid card actors with terrible development, it makes the movie even less effective. Well, at least one of them had nice tits, so there’s that, I guess.

STYLE: Low budget. It looks 2007 and that might as well be the 80s style wise now.

FX: Tom Savani called, he wants his retro fx back.

MUSIC: horribly mid as per the usual. You know the internet has plenty of musicians than can score well and much like Hollywood ignores the music industry in favor of horrible wanna be John Williams, we get garbage.

CONCLUSION: a movie no one needs, no one wants and managed to turn an icon into a knock off jason Vorhees. It’s no easy task to be this big of a fuck up, but boy did these assholes say “hold my beer.” Which I guess is ironically a success, because hey, here they are getting attention for it, which at the end of the day, most people are all about. Too bad this pitiful pos won’t recoup the most important part of doing this, the money.

2 out of 5 stars

Writing

Kageoween: Terrifier 2

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INTRODUCTION: I’m only doing the one review this year for Kageoween, because there isn’t much out there for horror at the moment that really entices me, I saw IT part 2 finally, it’s basically the same movie as part one and sucked. I saw a few other films, none that great. I think next year will have more for me to bother with. So Even though I never seen the first one, I’m going to review Terrifer 2.

PLOT: Stephen Kings IT meets Captain Spaulings mute brother.

CHARACTERS: Kinda weak. They exist as mere fodder for Art the clown.

ACTING: pretty solid

DIALOGUE: soild.

FX: Very good

SUBTEXT: Tutti Fuckin Frutti is still relevant 20 years after the fact, apparently.

CONCLUSION: This movie is more unique than I originally thought. Originally I didn’t bother checking out one or two for years because the overall premise seemed cliched. The kills are a mix between brutal and classic horror, the film is well shot and it has a bunch of classic homages to 80s horror films. However, while interesting the movie is still flawed, not really having a plot at all weakens the movie, even if the horror parts are similar to other iconic slashers of the past 40 years, like Freddy and Jason, at least they had some story. It’s mostly just gruesome imagery for shock value and little more, but still, that’s kinda its charm as well.

3 out the 5 stars

Writing

Evil Dead Rise, a Movie Review

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INTRODUCTION: I was going to review this for Kageoween, but it sucked so bad that I said fuck it and am reviewing it now.

PLOT: The Deadites return but in New York or some shit.

ACTING: It works, not the worst I’ve seen, but still pretty bad.

DIALOGUE: Not cringe, so it has that going for it.

CHARACTERS: Crap. not even stock. Pretty much relies on making you sympathetic by going after children.

SFX: only ok

SUBTEXT: zero

CONCLUSION: This movie wasn’t needed. It was worthless. I never saw the remake from 2013, but pretty sure that was less worthless than this. If you ever thought Bruce Campbell wasn’t a much needed part of this franchise, this movie might change your mind. It’s mindless, midcard horror and dumb as fuck. Really wish I never bothered watching.

1 star out of 5.

Writing

The Rise and Fall of Vince McMahon, a review of Netflix’s Mr. McMahon.

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INTRODUCTIONS: Let’s get two things out of the way before I begin this review. First, I had a micro investment in WWE in 2014, having bought stock. About 25 shares total. I sold those stocks in November the same year, due to ineptitude of the industry. Second, My entire family, going even back to my late grandfather, all loathe McMahon with a passion, so we’re highly biased. I have no doubt that all the allegations were true and hopefully him and everyone involved get what they deserve in court. That said, this documentary isn’t without flaws from the beginning.

WRITING: Fine

VISUALS: Fine. It’s a documentary, not much to deal with.

EDITING: Swamy and misleading.

CONTENT: Worthless. It’s billed as being about Vince, but is an an unstructured mess that deals more with wrestling in general than the subject matter.

CONCLUSION: This thing is plagued with Swamy Micheal Moore style editing from the beginning. This automatically brings into question its journalistic integrity. They quote-mine and edit things out of context to make certain people or peoples look worse than it is. Bill Simmons is no better than McMahon is with the way he edited this documentary to favor his anti McMahon bias. Which, while I share his bias, still think it’s a disingenuous thing to do. Mind you, this is the problems with this “series” from episode one and I’m only 20 mins in and it’s insufferable.

This doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It wants to be journalism, but fails. it wants to be about its subject matter, but fails. it wants to be about wrestling, but fails. It stacks the doc with ass kissing McMahon sell outs, whilst being a hit piece at the same time. Billy Simmons is proven incompetent as a director and we’re no better off for see this documentary. Maybe in the future, someone could do a legit piece and have it make sense. Perhaps Netflix would have been smarter to have sold this to McMahon and let him destroy it.

2 out of 5 stars