Tag Archives: Netflix reviews

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Five Nights At Silent Hill (Until Dawn movie) review

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INTRODUCTION: So I’ve never played the game series this is based on, which is good, because I can give it a review from a general audience perspective. I’ve done the fanboy review thing enough that n my life.

PLOT: Video game ID blicks 4 young actors into thinking this will be a career catalyst, only to realize they probably aren’t finding more roles.

CHARACTERS: devoid of development and we don’t give a fuck about any of them.

ACTING: Not bad. You ain’t winning over the academy, but it’s more than tolerable.

FX: Not winning any awards either.

KILLS: Meh, except one part.

MUSIC: it exists

VISUALS: Dated to 2009 era, wanna be 70s/80s pallette scheme.

SUBTEXT: Surving Hollywood requires a lot of blow. Not even joking about this subtext. Think about it, unknown non developed actors, have to “survive” this bs five nights at Freddy’s by Silent Hill cross over and they have an hour glass looming over their fate. Yeah! Obviously it’s exactly about blow and being an actor.

CONCLUSION: This movie is plagued by trying to force homages to various horror tropes of yesterday and fails to find an identity all its own. The movie could have had a dank premise that turned things around on its head, had they had a competent crew, writer, director to elevate an interesting concept from c tier to a tier . The non fan of the game series is going to be left scratching their heads as to what the fuck is going on and why it’s happening. Much like the characters, we’re stuck in a loop wondering why we even bothered to watch.

2 out of 5 stars.

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Happy Gilmore 2

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INTRODUCTION: So I’m only watching this because MJF is in it. It really doesn’t need a sequel, like most of Adam’s movies, because they all interchangeably the same. Man child with metal impairment tries to make people laugh. The only one that’s let laughing is normally Sandler himself with his large bags of money.

PLOT: Adam Sandler, desperate for relevancy, revives unneeded character for Netflix.

CHARACTERS: Fuck the returning cast. We’re going to look at the newbies.

Some of the newer rookie characters could been slightly better developed, but otherwise it’s not horrible. Becky lynch being the least interesting of the characters.

ACTING: Mostly excellent. MJF was excellent, even in such a small role. Becky Lynch acting is almost as good as her Jeopardy episode. lol

DIALOGUE: excellent.

HUMOR: Dated and cliche Adam Sandler stuff, but it works.

FX: really good for a comedy

MUSIC: excellent.

SUBTEXT: none.

CONCLUSION: A sequel no one needed, and no one asked for. However, unlike anything since his movie like Grown Ups has Adam Sandler really managed to recover from, in my mind, a failing career. However, this movie pretty much turns that around and gives Adam Sandler movie the old charm of the 90s original, but matures it in a new way. Even changing some old tropes on its head in the process. Really heartfelt and beautiful. Sandler in top form.

3.5 out of 5 stars.

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Fashionably Late Movie Reviews: Rambo: Last Blood (2019) review

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INTRODUCTION: So a fun fact. When I was born, my father actually considered naming me Rambo, after this movie. Interestingly enough, I wouldn’t see any of them until I was in my early 20’s, in preparation for Rambo 4, in 2008 ish. While I didn’t review Rambo 4 back then, I decided to give this one a review.

PLOT: an aging baby boomer actor, needs a comeback, er, I mean, John Rambo, retired and living on a ranch near Mexico, finds himself up against Mexican Drug Cartels, after losing someone close to him.

CHARACTERS: Glib as fuck villains, but the depth between John Rambo and a young woman whom isn’t his daughter, but treats in a similar fashion, is there and a great part to the set up.

DIALOGUE: Very good, including a great part right before the finale. It’s as good as as the “When you’re pushed, killing is as easy as breathing” from part 4.

VISUALS: Stunning.

FX: Excellent

MUSIC: Works, but not necessarily Iconic. In fact, some of it reminds me of the Terminator films.

SUBTEXT: None

CONCLUSION: The original Rambo is an iconic and poignant movie about a young Vietnam veteran that had trouble reintegrating into society, post war and spoke to the ills of the US government to do better for their men and woman on the front lines. It then delved into a mediocre action series that was the butt of jokes. If you ever played GTA:Vice City you’ll fondly recall the soundbit of Rockstar games mocking Rambo “your wife needs you.” Says his commander. He replies with “I’m not married” and then the officer says “You are now, to America!” Which I believe was making fun of part 3. Among other mockery of this character. Which is sad, given how good part one is. However, what could have been another boring addition to a needed action series like part 4, they bring back John’s PTSD affliction, as he pops his medicine out the bottle. It’s good they recon’d this. Making Rambo very sympathetic to the audience, that he isn’t a one dimensional action character. Mixing with the chemistry Sly had with the actress that is a sort of daughter, it hits you and makes you seeing Rambo go, well, Rambo on everyone’s sorry ass worth every second, especially the last kill. Worth every second!

5 out of 5 stars.

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Kageoween: Terrifier 2

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INTRODUCTION: I’m only doing the one review this year for Kageoween, because there isn’t much out there for horror at the moment that really entices me, I saw IT part 2 finally, it’s basically the same movie as part one and sucked. I saw a few other films, none that great. I think next year will have more for me to bother with. So Even though I never seen the first one, I’m going to review Terrifer 2.

PLOT: Stephen Kings IT meets Captain Spaulings mute brother.

CHARACTERS: Kinda weak. They exist as mere fodder for Art the clown.

ACTING: pretty solid

DIALOGUE: soild.

FX: Very good

SUBTEXT: Tutti Fuckin Frutti is still relevant 20 years after the fact, apparently.

CONCLUSION: This movie is more unique than I originally thought. Originally I didn’t bother checking out one or two for years because the overall premise seemed cliched. The kills are a mix between brutal and classic horror, the film is well shot and it has a bunch of classic homages to 80s horror films. However, while interesting the movie is still flawed, not really having a plot at all weakens the movie, even if the horror parts are similar to other iconic slashers of the past 40 years, like Freddy and Jason, at least they had some story. It’s mostly just gruesome imagery for shock value and little more, but still, that’s kinda its charm as well.

3 out the 5 stars

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Evil Dead Rise, a Movie Review

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INTRODUCTION: I was going to review this for Kageoween, but it sucked so bad that I said fuck it and am reviewing it now.

PLOT: The Deadites return but in New York or some shit.

ACTING: It works, not the worst I’ve seen, but still pretty bad.

DIALOGUE: Not cringe, so it has that going for it.

CHARACTERS: Crap. not even stock. Pretty much relies on making you sympathetic by going after children.

SFX: only ok

SUBTEXT: zero

CONCLUSION: This movie wasn’t needed. It was worthless. I never saw the remake from 2013, but pretty sure that was less worthless than this. If you ever thought Bruce Campbell wasn’t a much needed part of this franchise, this movie might change your mind. It’s mindless, midcard horror and dumb as fuck. Really wish I never bothered watching.

1 star out of 5.

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The Rise and Fall of Vince McMahon, a review of Netflix’s Mr. McMahon.

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INTRODUCTIONS: Let’s get two things out of the way before I begin this review. First, I had a micro investment in WWE in 2014, having bought stock. About 25 shares total. I sold those stocks in November the same year, due to ineptitude of the industry. Second, My entire family, going even back to my late grandfather, all loathe McMahon with a passion, so we’re highly biased. I have no doubt that all the allegations were true and hopefully him and everyone involved get what they deserve in court. That said, this documentary isn’t without flaws from the beginning.

WRITING: Fine

VISUALS: Fine. It’s a documentary, not much to deal with.

EDITING: Swamy and misleading.

CONTENT: Worthless. It’s billed as being about Vince, but is an an unstructured mess that deals more with wrestling in general than the subject matter.

CONCLUSION: This thing is plagued with Swamy Micheal Moore style editing from the beginning. This automatically brings into question its journalistic integrity. They quote-mine and edit things out of context to make certain people or peoples look worse than it is. Bill Simmons is no better than McMahon is with the way he edited this documentary to favor his anti McMahon bias. Which, while I share his bias, still think it’s a disingenuous thing to do. Mind you, this is the problems with this “series” from episode one and I’m only 20 mins in and it’s insufferable.

This doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It wants to be journalism, but fails. it wants to be about its subject matter, but fails. it wants to be about wrestling, but fails. It stacks the doc with ass kissing McMahon sell outs, whilst being a hit piece at the same time. Billy Simmons is proven incompetent as a director and we’re no better off for see this documentary. Maybe in the future, someone could do a legit piece and have it make sense. Perhaps Netflix would have been smarter to have sold this to McMahon and let him destroy it.

2 out of 5 stars